A Matter Of Perspective

Later this summer, the members of my graduating class will be celebrating our ten year reunion.  Planning started late, so when I hadn't seen an invitation I assumed that either it was forgotten or I was-- either a possibility.  However, recently my Facebook feed was been filled with comments from names I haven't thought about in 9 1/2 years and an event has been established.

I hold nothing against anyone from my senior class.  I had a few friends and I had a few people who picked on me, but for the most part I was ignored.  What was done back then holds very little weight to who I am today.
I also hold no interest in knowing how these people turned out.  If I did, a few moments of Facebook stalking would confirm the important stuff-- if they were still living at home, married, have kids, have jobs, live in a foreign country.  But I don't often find myself looking through the profiles of people I haven't spoken with since the day I accepted my diploma.  I wish them all well, but, I really just don't care.  With the exception of a few friends who I barely speak with now, these people are from my distant past and keeping up with everyone would be exhausting.

With that in mind, I had already decided not to go the minute I received the notification.  I also chose not to attend for a reason that I'm embarrassed to admit.

There was a small, but terrible, part of me that wanted to show up and show off.  As arrogant as it may sound, I'm pretty happy with my life currently.  I'm fit, I'm working an awesome job, volunteering with great organizations, making a difference and happily married for many years.  It would be nice to show some of these people that the band geek runs now, that the shy girl is now on two community organization boards, that the boring one now has a really good, stable life.

I felt smug for about a minute and a half.  My chest was all puffed up and I was thinking how awesome it would be show up in some cute outfit and have heads turn.  "Is that... Kristin?" They would exclaim, jaws hitting the floor.

But then I had a reality check.

First, arrogance in any shape or form is just plain stupid, not attractive at all and not a part of my persona. 
Second, success is a matter of perspective.

While I am completely comfortable and happy with my life, I thought for a second what someone from the outside, hearing only the major details, might think.

I am the girl who dropped out of college to marry her high school sweetheart.  I work part time at a retail job and part time at home.  I have no kids.  I seem obsessed with my body because I work out and am into nutrition.  I talk way too much about (and to) my dogs.  I still only have a small handful of friends and call my mom almost every day.

Again, that's not how I see myself.  They may be true, on the surface, but I love all of those things about myself.  But I imagine walking in all tall and proud and having people raise their eyebrow at me.  Instead of the "Is that... Kristin?" it would be "Oh... so that's all you've done with your life?"

So, I will not be attending our reunion, Class of 2005.  Sorry.  I hope you have a lovely time, I hope you reconnect in ways you want.  I'll just stay here, go for a run, talk to my dogs, and go on a date with my husband instead.  If you want to get to know the adult Kristin, feel free to reach out.