Nesting in the New Year

S called us as we walked in from visiting family over Christmas to let us know that she was having some contractions and we might have to head her way very soon.
While my initial reaction was, of course, extreme excitement and nervousness (he would be very early yet, 6 weeks to be exact), when we got off the phone and I looked around at my post-trip-mess of a house, the only thought I had was "I'M NOT READY!"

While our house has been pretty much baby friendly and ready to bring in a child at any second for the past year, therefore none of my to-do list items were mandatory, I panicked.  I had dirty laundry on the counter from the trip.  We just bought new dishes to replace the ones that I keep breaking and they needed washed and put away.  The house was covered in four days worth of dog hair (which is a lot in our house).
I had so many things I wanted to get done before baby arrived.  My hair needs a trim, my car needs an oil change.
And even though I spent a lot of time and energy trying to prove I was ready to parent, and even though I desperately want the chance, there was a part of me that just thought I would have my life together before baby arrived.  And standing in my kitchen surrounded by the wrappers of our trip food and dog hair, I did not feel together at all.

So, I did what any crazy person would do and set out to get my whole "to do before baby arrives" list done in two days.  I made my hair appointment, I deep cleaned the house, I organized every room (including the storage under the stairs, because obviously that needed to be done), I prepared my students solos for contests in the spring, I started writing the grant application for the arts council. 

It is now New Years day and I am sitting in potentially the cleanest house I have ever been in.  I mean, even my freezer is sparkling.  My hair appointment is early next week and the directions on how to use our TV are printed for our house sitter.

It's not a bad way to start the year, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm not ready.  We've been told a few precious times that we will make good parents and we are determined to do our absolute best, but the thought still freaks me out a little.  I may have read a few parenting books and I may be able to swaddle my little dog, but I don't know what parenting is going to be like.  And it might be coming sooner than thought.



Happy New Year, friends.  I hope this year brings you excitement, joy and lots of love.  Thank you for your love and support during a difficult year and we hope that 2016 will be a year we can share our joy with you.