FINALIZED

As unceremoniously as it could possibly have come, an email from our attorney appeared in my inbox after my run this morning.  Standing in the kitchen still covered in sweat, I read aloud the message "Kristin and James, You should be receiving the attached Order of Adoption in the mail from the court.  The court will send this also to Vital Records for a new birth certificate to be issued.  Vital Records is taking about 45-60 days to complete this process."
Perhaps due to shock, or maybe the lack of pomp and circumstance, we just went about our morning without opening the attachment-- even knowing what it was. Jim finished getting ready and went to work.  I fed Josiah in his new high chair from his great-grandma, read him two books, gave him a bath and loaded him in the car to take to Grandma and Grandpa's house for the day.

It wasn't until I got to their home and used their computer to print out the attached document that it really started to hit me. Among other things, the document reads the following;

"From and after this date the parents of the adoptee are:

Kristin Jayne Parrish and James Edward Parrish"

We're finally done.  And while I still have a niggling to hold my breath a while longer while we wait for a birth certificate to surface, we know that it is our legal right to ask for one because no matter who you ask now, he is our son!  The relief comes in waves-- big, crashing ones followed by excitement and realization that this chapter is now at a close.  

The worry of these past few months, after the years of waiting before that, is finally over.  We are finally parents in every single legal way, something we have desired for our entire married life, a desire we have drowned in prayer.  I'm a mom!  Jim's a dad!  Josiah is a Parrish!  After every hurdle, every heartbreaking delay, it's over.  

We can now submit our names again for a second adoption, we'll send off the neat pile of documents I have prepared soon.

Though I'm sure the first thing some of you did was scroll down, I will stop writing and show you what you came here for.  Pictures of our adorable little boy.  I wasn't kidding that he's the cutest kid ever. 

Included is a video I made not long ago featuring the song we have the sheet music to hanging on Josiah's wall.  It was made and is shared with his birthmother's blessing and permission, as well as the photographer of the pictures of the birth (Laura, Josiah's birth aunt, happens to be a very talented photographer who captured those precious moments after our son's birth).   

Thank you, THANK YOU again for all who have supported us through your generous donations, prayers and encouragement.  Thank you to those who have loved us through every struggle.  Thank you to those who love our son and our family.  

Our first family photo

He was put under my shirt right away in the delivery room.

Daddy holding Josiah

The traditional mom and baby in the hospital bed... except I didn't need to be there.

Babies first meal.

His birth aunt took his professional pictures.

Checking out the bottle holder.

So very tiny.

The bolt that slowed down our trip to the airport, compared in size to our 4 pound, 11 ounce baby.

Is the baby okay?!

Entertaining conversation with Dad.

Grandma Marcie made him this Star Wars Quilt.  We ALL love it.

He really does have connections in Detroit.

Much Obliged

You know what goes under appreciated?  Every day politeness and positive actions.  Today, I want to thank you, people with manners.  Today, I recognize the little things people do for the benefits of others.

Thank you, people who hold doors for other people.  You got their first and had every right to take first pick at whatever waits inside but you chose to not only let someone else go before you, but you put forth the effort that they would have had to so they could enter.

Thank you, "please" and "thank you" and "excuse me" users.  You could have demanded, you could have required, you could have assume you deserved.  Instead you recognized the world isn't about you and that others time and effort mean something and should be appreciated.

Shout out to the cart returners, the pick up after yourself-ers, the return things in the same or better condtion-ers.  In a world where personal responsibility isn't always stressed as important, you took the time to leave your mark in a positive way, not in a mess.

Thank you to those who pick up after others.  You recognize that sometimes your time is better spent serving others.  You aren't just helping someone else who is having a "messy" day (be it a literal mess or any other kind of trail of destruction) you are helping those that follow them.  

People who smile-- you seriously make my day.  And others days.  You keep smiling, everyone almost always returns the favor.

Thank you, people who engage the world outside of their phone.  I'm guilty of walking while looking at my phone or spending time on it when I shouldn't.  So thank you-- you are seeing the world in a way others aren't.  Not just because you are off your phone and actually seeing the world as it is and not on a screen, but because you are you.  Thanks for the reminder to live in the real world and in the moment.

Hard workers, you keep this ship afloat.  Without the dedication of hard working people many things would have never been accomplished.

The "buy a coffee for the car behind you in line at Starbucks" type-- thank you.  Paying it forward feels good, doesn't it?  And you just made someones day so much better without knowing how it was before that moment.  You changed the outcome of someone's day. Think about that.  You impacted a life.

People with patience, thank you for dealing with the rest of us.  Thank you for waiting.

Thank you to those who show others their value.  By noticing the good in people, you show them they have worth... we never know when someone needs to hear that.

Thank you to the pray-ers, the do-ers.

And hey, good job, animal lovers.

Hope you could relate to one or two of these as you read through this list.  Consider it your pat on the back for the day.  Not a one of us is perfect, but I sure do appreciate the good things when I see them.

We'll Do It Again

The past couple of weeks have been rough.

It started with an innocent call to our attorney to check on the progress of our adoption finalization.  We had passed the estimated 6 month mark so we were just curious if we were on track.  It turned out we and a handful of families were stuck in the middle of what could end up being a pretty massive dispute between the courts and adoption agencies.  Without knowing which details I can share publicly at this point, all I can say is that our finalization looked like it was put on hold for an undetermined amount of time. 

The initial shock-- and the 24 hours after when it wasn't really made clear to us that Josiah was safely ours no matter the outcome (imagine 24 hours of not knowing if you could keep your child or not)-- was followed by calls to governors and attorney generals, vague prayer requests and a lot of tears.  Being assured that Josiah was ours, we went on to think about the secondary things that a prolonged finalization would cause. 

The adoption tax credit, something that we counted on to pay back the loan we took with my parents to secure Josiah, has a statute of limitations on it that would be in jeopardy if we don't finalize this year.  Even silly things like not being able to finally show pictures of our sweet little one on social media is getting more frustrating.  Our little boy can't have a birth certificate until he is finalized, or a social security number.

Most importantly, we can't adopt again until we are finalized.  And though this has been one of the most expensive, stressful, hard and unpredictable chapters of my life, I have never been so sure that I wanted to jump in again and to jump in soon. 

As of a couple of days ago, we were finally given some hope that our finalization will happen in a few weeks (thank the Lord!) so I now am getting excited to start the hard work again.

If we end up parents to Josiah alone, we will be overjoyed at the opportunity to raise such a wonderful young man.  We will do our best to raise him correctly and will love him until our last breath.  If God does provide another opportunity, however, we so look forward to being a part of another story.  We look forward to holding another tiny baby and watching all of the firsts and all of the lasts.  We hope to provide our children with a sibling, so our curly haired boy can be the blessing of an older brother and Josiah can be blessed by a younger brother or sister.  A built in playmate (maybe a built in fight-mate, too). 

We aren't sure how we are going to proceed once things are finalized with Josiah but we know we want to proceed soon.  So friends, I come before you asking again for your help.  Some prayers are always appreciated, and if you happen to meet someone who might need us... send them our way.  We are patient and believe that God has a plan for us, either way.


Hopefully, we will finalize very soon and you will finally see the pictures you have patiently been waiting for!

6 Months a Mother

6 months a mother and still none the wiser.

6 months a mother and still worried I'm doing it wrong.

6 months a mother and we tummy time 6 times a day.

6 months a mother and we practice sign language with song.

5 bottles a day and one more before bed.

5 minutes at the beginning of every nap I pat his back.

5 times we've tried cereal with a bowl and spoon. 

5 people I'm grateful for, who pick up my slack *. 

4 books every day, we read together in his chair.

4 AM I'm up and running, literally... I run.

4 times a day we step outside to shop, walk or play.

4 chores at night, before the day can be done.

3 naps a day, and hour or more a piece.

3 dogs follow us around hoping for attention.

3 bottles I wash over and over again.

3 educational CDs we listen to, hoping for retention.

2 of us hoping we don't screw this kid up.

2 days a week Jim is home with us all day.

2 piano recitals every day where Josiah (and the dogs) sing along.

2 times a day Josiah and I pray

1 little boy we love so very much.

1 chance to raise him the best that we can.

1 more day before he's another day older :(.

1 huge (little) blessing, part of God's plan.

* You know who you are.

Dear Jim -- A New Dad

Dear Jim,

Last year, I wrote you a letter that I shared on this very blog.  It sparked an interest in our story that led to more support than I could have ever imagined.  I just wanted to share the letter so others knew just how much I wanted you to be a father-- how much I believed you would be a good one.  And tonight, the night before Father's Day, I sit in the basement with my parents watching Sherlock and listen to you upstairs... playing with our son.

When I wrote that letter, it seemed so far away.  An impossibility.  Something we really wanted but it was just a dream.

But it's true now.  I am listening to you laugh while he coos at you in return right now.  I watched you feed him moments after he was born.  I huddled around his hospital bassinet with you as we nervously changed that first diaper together.  I stole glances at you while you stared into his face while he was sleeping, I took pictures of the two of you when you fell asleep with him.

And, not to brag, I was right all along.  You are a great dad.  You have not once complained about a diaper change or when I hand him off to you so I can get something else done.  You swaddle much better than I do.  You put him to sleep at night.

You are the light at the end of our day.  At just the moment when Josiah is looking at me like he can't believe we are singing this song again, he hears the garage door open and his eyes light up and his signature smile spreads across his face.  I join him-- you are home!  Not only an extra pair of hands to help but they are your hands!

We don't have a lot of time for each other in this particular season in life.  When we are together we talk about our new boy, projects around the house, or I complain about your busy schedule and how I never see you anymore.  Though I really should be taking our time together to say thank you instead of complaining.  I know you are doing your best and I know that we are dedicated to keeping our marriage strong.

Thank you for being my husband, thank you for being Josiah's dad.  Thank you for all that you did while we waited impatiently to come home with him.  Thank you for learning how to swaddle, how to burp him, how to install car seats and put together a crib.  Thank you for coming downstairs to sit beside me right now, holding Josiah in your lap and his pacifier in his mouth with your finger.

It is one of the greatest honors I've had all year to be able to tell you for the first time-- Happy Father's Day!

Your Loving Wife,
Kristin

Back At It

After what is potentially the longest maternity leave given to a mother who didn't give birth, I rejoined the workforce at almost my normal schedule Wednesday.  It was a slower day at the shop and being the impatient child that I am, I almost ran home when I left an hour early so I could hug my baby.  Being the baby that he is, however, he was dead asleep on grandma when I walked in the door and I had a moment of selflessness and decided not to wake him up to clobber him with pent up mommy love.  Once he was awake, however, he was basically an extension of my left arm.  Turns out I am going to miss this little guy a lot when I'm not staring at his face all day.

My parents have been living with us for a week now, as they wait for their home to be completed.  It has been nice to have some extra hands to hold the little guy when I need to make dinner and it requires both hands.  It has also been nice to sleep in and know that my mom will be willing to help if I don't get everything done in time (a few times I walk in the door after a run just as his feeding is starting).  But, I sometimes just need to take my boy and hide in a room for a while to reconnect without others involvement.

It's an interesting season in life.  I'm much busier than I prefer to be, especially when I have waited so long to be busy with a baby and have so many things pulling me.  Jim seems busier than ever and our schedules never seem to coincide.  Josiah is growing every day-- seems like he grows twice a day these days.  I'm torn with every decision I make.  I want to be an active member of our community, I want to be a good employee who completes her full schedule every week, I want to be committed to the things I've agreed to do, but then I also really just want to spend my time with my son.  I know this is not a new musing, as most women have to make these decisions, but it's weighing on my heart a bit.  I don't know what to give up, but something is going to have to give... we waited quite a while for this and I want to do it right. 

Hope everyone is enjoying their summer thus far and I hope you aren't as confused as I am about what you want in your life right now. 

29 Joys

In less than a week, I'll be TWENTY NINE!  I'm super excited to celebrate my 29th year on this planet and my first year as a mother!
I'm pretty sure that I've mentioned at least once a year how much I love birthdays.  I've been a little late in my excitement this year, because May got away from me, but it hit me and I'm all about celebration mode.  My presents from Josiah and Jim are bought (my running shoes went on sale so I bought two pair for the price of one. Yay!), I have already eaten my cake (a gluten free, all natural chocolate lavendar cake.  My parents are here now, so we are celebrating early, so don't think I'm just impatient to have my cake!) and I am just ready to enjoy the day!

I found the above quote on Pinterest during one of Josiah's naps and was struck by how truthful it is.  It's really easy, at least for me, to complain and focus on the bad things in life.  Especially after a couple of years of infertility and an adoption wait, it was hard to get back to a more positive outlook.  However, seeing so much negativity around me, I would really like to be an encouragement to others and bring them up instead of joining in the bad moods.  I love my family and friends dearly, but I have heard so many complaints recently that it makes me sad that we are wasting our precious days on earth finding the faults instead of the joys.

So, I wanted to share with you 29 joys in my life as I get close to my 29th birthday (June 1, if you are curious).  I'm trying to be a little creative because this list could be really repetitive to share the same joys over and over.  The first few have to be mentioned though, even though everyone knows they make me joyful.

1. My husband.  So many good things to say about this man.  Patient, kind, good.  A good father, a sweet date, a gentleman and a man of honor.  I am so glad to have gone through trials and joys with him.
2. My son. Josiah Samuel.  The center of the Parrish universe.  Currently sleeping so peacefully (and raising a hand?  He always raises his hand while he's sleeping...).  Such a happy baby.  Full of smiles, so smart and so strong!  So handsome. 
3. My dogs. Need I say more than they are cute, cuddly, lovey, and just the best?
4. My job.  And the fact that I still have one.  My bosses are awesome, my co-worker is awesome, what I do is awesome.  I am proud to be a Lou Kraus Music employee.  I love the connections I've made through this job and being able to help kids start and continue to progress in music.
5. My students.  Speaking of kids start and continue in music, I have been blessed with a particularly talented and hard working group of students this past year or two.  They are all doing such a great job this year, racking up awards and opportunities. 
6. Adoption being possible.  How many children would be without homes or safety and how many people who would love to have them would be without them if this wasn't a possibility?  The difficulties that potentially accompany adoption don't change my mind that it is necessary in this fallen world and such a blessing to be a part of.
7. Etsy.  Cardigan onesies with bow ties.  Homemade shirts.  Cute gift ideas.  I'm addicted to Etsy.
8. Bountiful Baskets.  Money saving and totally a "crunchy" thing to do.  It's like Christmas every other week, never knowing what you are going to get but always excited to get it.
9. Bamboo clothing. So soft, so cute, supposedly eco-friendly.  What's not to love. 
10. Kale salad topped with fresh fruit and yogurt for dressing.  Seriously my favorite go to meal at the moment.  I use almond milk yogurt for my dressing, and usually use strawberries and blueberries.  So freaking good!
11. Mango. I tend to eat at least two a week. 
12. Gilmore Girls reviving. Seriously, who knew that so many years later we would be looking forward to new episodes of the one show that I became addicted to in college?  And the plan I have to meet with my best friend to binge watch them is also something super exciting to look forward to!
13. The new Jungle Book movie.  We went on a date to watch it and we were so happy with it!  I really like this movie.  It's not something I'll show Josiah until he's quite a bit older (a little too scary, I think) but it's super good!
14. Charlie Brown in general.  My dad and I enjoy the Peanuts cartoons and movies and it's just something sweet from my childhood that makes me think of my dad.  The new movie is pretty darned good (I love that Charlie Brown is such a good guy), but anything Peanuts makes me nostalgic and happy. 
15. Josiah's birth mother.  Without her decision we wouldn't have Josiah.  Even with some of the harder stuff we all have to deal with, she gave us the greatest gift and did it in such an amazing way.  He looks so much like her, and I'm so grateful for her beautiful smile and sweet features that we get to witness in our son every day.  So joyful to have her in my life!
16. Coffee shops and libraries.  Places to go with my son that don't mind me sitting and feeding him in the corner.  An excuse to get out of the house for just a while.
17. The stroller.  Seriously, the stroller of freedom. The first time I felt physically amazing after Josiah was born was taking him on his first stroller walk.  So much freedom!!!
18. Being able to run. Even at 5 AM after a 3:30 feeding and a 4 AM workout.  Even when it's cold, or I can't see or I run past a dead cow (just a couple of weeks ago, got to call 911 about it and everything).  I don't take a single day that I can shake out my stresses and take some time to myself for granted.  I love making my body move and trying to make it better. 
19. Good people.  People who check in and follow through.  People who are kind.  People who are dedicated.  People who are honest.
20. Living in a small town.
21. Being able to play an instrument.  Or two.  The challenge of classical music, the success of mastering artistic expression.  It's pretty sweet.
22. The feeling after a good sneeze.  Seriously.  So nice. Much relief.
23.  Jokes that make you laugh too hard.
24. Big windows with great views.
25. Planning vacations (even if they are just imaginary, will never happen vacations).  Related, pretending that Jim and I will be on the Amazing race someday.  Because we would totally be awesome at it.  Except I struggle with accents, jet lag, and directions... so maybe not.
26. A full nights sleep.  Something I look forward to getting again one day.
27. Good smells.  Seriously, anything that smells good.
28. I suppose I wouldn't be a good Christian if I didn't mention my faith.  Without God, all of this wouldn't be around.  I know that, I respect that and I REJOICE in that.
29.Birthdays!  Celebrating the day the world went from without me to with me... totally worth celebrating, right?  Okay, eating some humble pie, I still really like birthdays...