I loved doing the home study portion of our adoption because it gave me something to work for. I am a list maker, a checker-offer, a task oriented individual. So having a checklist and getting it done was my thing. I took it as a challenge to get it done as quickly as possible, because the faster it was done, the faster we could be active with our first agency.
The profile (my next post) was scary because of it's importance in the process, but it was fun because it was essentially just talking about our lives. And while this will make me sound completely self absorbed, I liked writing about us.
After the home study and before the profile, however, there comes a point when you have to consider your options.
During the home study, you are required to read and attend classes that tell you the horrors and concerns and worries of adoption. There are books that flat out tell you your child will be depressed, or hate you, or will always have issues because he or she is adopted. So as you are processing the potential of become parents, thinking about how you might ruin this child's life somehow, you are asked a bunch of really hard questions.
Some weren't so hard-- do you want a boy or a girl? We chose either, because if we were blessed with a pregnancy God wouldn't let us choose then so we thought we would let Him handle it. Would you take twins? Same answer for us.
Which races are you willing to adopt? Caucasian, Asian, African, Native American, Pacific Islander, Hispanic, a combination? We chose all of them.
Consider for a moment if you discovered you were expecting a child. You would probably know the race of the child before they were born. As silly as it sounds, it was kind of exciting to not know for us.
Keep considering, however as you contemplate these next questions. These questions were harder for us to answer because under other circumstances we would never have had to consider these.
How much tobacco use during pregnancy are you willing to accept?
Marijuana?
Alcohol?
Cocaine?
Meth?
Other drugs?
What about
Bi polar disorder?
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome?
If I had become pregnant, we wouldn't have had to consider any of these things. After a lot of research, prayer and crying, we found that, for ourselves, there were a few things we just weren't ready to handle. When you so desperately want to become parents and know that every child needs love, it's hard to say a hard "no" to any circumstance, but we realized that we needed to know our own limitations and what we felt capable of handling. Every person is different, every circumstance is different. Every birth is different.
And last but certainly not least, the big question of openness. How much are you comfortable building a relationship with a stranger? It was an easy one for us... very comfortable, because she first felt comfortable giving us her child to raise. However, if I'm being completely honest and transparent, if Josiah's birth mother were to live closer, I'm not sure how I would handle regular visits and if I would have feelings of jealousy or stress. I would hope I wouldn't, but you never know.
So there are some things to think about before you dive in. The more open you are, the more birth mothers you are shown to, meaning a higher chance of being chosen. However, you have to know your limits-- and don't feel bad about them. Each child, each family have unique circumstances and needs that need to be met.
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
Saturday, January 28, 2017
Home Study
A Home Study is a collection of documents required for a family to adopt a child. It is particularly important when the adoption crosses state or international lines. Without a home study, adoption doesn't happen.
So what is this pile of documents and how does it come about?
It's
a lot
of
paperwork.
Including, but not limited to;
-State background check
-Federal background check (which requires official fingerprinting done at your local sheriff's department)
-Child abuse registry
-Medical Release Forms (obtained by having a physical or meeting with a physician)
-Copies of Marriage license and picture ID's
-Recent tax and income forms.
-5-10 References on your character
-Proof of employment, plus a note from your employer about your future employment status.
-All of you contact information
-Contact information for close family members
-Ages and birth dates of close family members
-The Actual Home Study Document
The Home Study Document
The Home Study itself is the collection of documents above, plus a written paper by a licensed professional describing how you were raised, your life currently, and how you plan to parent. The most important aspect of this document is the final paragraph, when the home study provider essentially recommends you as acceptable adoptive parents.
To get this document, you have to meet with your home study provider (a licensed social worker). He or she is required to meet you a few times, and at least once in your home. In our case, we needed to meet three times, for two hours at a time, at least once in our home. During these visits, Nancy, our home study provider, collected information about our families and how we were raised, our marriage and what life looks like now, and how we planned on parenting once we were chosen. She did a tour of our home and didn't notice anything that would be dangerous for a child (for example, she said, you shouldn't have a hole in your floor). Often, these visits mean you should have your electrical outlets plugged, all of your dangerous cleaning supplies (bleach, etc.) locked away, as well as any weapons, etc. There also has to be adequate room for a child, so if you want two kids, each should have their own bedroom, that sort of thing.
When she collected all of our information, Nancy wrote a condensed version of our life and her recommendation for us to be adoptive parents. It took some time to get all of those initial meetings scheduled, all of the references contacted, and all of the other documents lined up, but for us it only took about four weeks to complete it all (and most of that was just having to wait between meetings with Nancy, because it wasn't like we could just sit together for six hours straight).
Having a home study completed isn't free. Depending on how an adoption is done, you will pay the agency or the provider directly. If they have to travel, you will have to pay travel and gas fees. You will also have to pay for background checks ($50 or so for federal and $25 or so for state) and of course paying for your doctor visit.
I mention cost because in domestic infant adoption or international adoption, the initial cost sounds scary, and doesn't even take into account all of the little extra fees that sneak up on you. Always plan ahead and have more funds available than you think you'll need.
So what is this pile of documents and how does it come about?
It's
a lot
of
paperwork.
Including, but not limited to;
-State background check
-Federal background check (which requires official fingerprinting done at your local sheriff's department)
-Child abuse registry
-Medical Release Forms (obtained by having a physical or meeting with a physician)
-Copies of Marriage license and picture ID's
-Recent tax and income forms.
-5-10 References on your character
-Proof of employment, plus a note from your employer about your future employment status.
-All of you contact information
-Contact information for close family members
-Ages and birth dates of close family members
-The Actual Home Study Document
The Home Study Document
The Home Study itself is the collection of documents above, plus a written paper by a licensed professional describing how you were raised, your life currently, and how you plan to parent. The most important aspect of this document is the final paragraph, when the home study provider essentially recommends you as acceptable adoptive parents.
To get this document, you have to meet with your home study provider (a licensed social worker). He or she is required to meet you a few times, and at least once in your home. In our case, we needed to meet three times, for two hours at a time, at least once in our home. During these visits, Nancy, our home study provider, collected information about our families and how we were raised, our marriage and what life looks like now, and how we planned on parenting once we were chosen. She did a tour of our home and didn't notice anything that would be dangerous for a child (for example, she said, you shouldn't have a hole in your floor). Often, these visits mean you should have your electrical outlets plugged, all of your dangerous cleaning supplies (bleach, etc.) locked away, as well as any weapons, etc. There also has to be adequate room for a child, so if you want two kids, each should have their own bedroom, that sort of thing.
When she collected all of our information, Nancy wrote a condensed version of our life and her recommendation for us to be adoptive parents. It took some time to get all of those initial meetings scheduled, all of the references contacted, and all of the other documents lined up, but for us it only took about four weeks to complete it all (and most of that was just having to wait between meetings with Nancy, because it wasn't like we could just sit together for six hours straight).
Having a home study completed isn't free. Depending on how an adoption is done, you will pay the agency or the provider directly. If they have to travel, you will have to pay travel and gas fees. You will also have to pay for background checks ($50 or so for federal and $25 or so for state) and of course paying for your doctor visit.
I mention cost because in domestic infant adoption or international adoption, the initial cost sounds scary, and doesn't even take into account all of the little extra fees that sneak up on you. Always plan ahead and have more funds available than you think you'll need.
Sunday, January 15, 2017
Take 2
I have mentioned a few times that Jim and I have been actively, privately, seeking a second adoption since our son was officially finalized late last year. While in the grand scheme of things we haven't been waiting that long, after many minor panic attacks about the things that could go wrong with private adoption (and the fact that we don't have a lot of contacts that could lead to a potential match), this past week we decided to join a second national adoption agency. We are super excited, super nervous and ready to go on this roller coaster ride one more time!
Coming into this a second time, we have the same fears and concerns we had the first time. We also have the same excitement and expectation. Since we chronicled the first adoption, I will continue to document this adoption journey with more details this time on the process itself (partially as a distraction for myself as we start the waiting period again).
Our new agency is less expensive than our first, but more labor intensive. We will design our own profile and create our own video profile, as well as printing them, etc. This cuts down their cost. Unfortunately, agency adoptions aren't cheap, even when some of the fees are cut. God provided during our first adoption through generous donations from friends and family, fundraising, penny saving and repayment of some of the fees, we were able to leave our first adoption without significant debt. We are starting over again, but we trust God to provide again.
We chose this agency instead of returning to our first not because the first wasn't good-- we had a good experience with them for sure. We chose this one because they have a Christian background, are less expensive and you have more freedom and control in your adoption journey by being more involved in the profile process.
Now that we have experienced the joy of being parents, the second adoption is a little scarier than the first. Now that we know how incredibly in love you can become with a newborn in an instant, realizing that could be taken away by a change of heart (please note; it is a birth mothers right to change her mind and we would never fault a woman for choosing to parent her child) is horrifying and heartbreaking.
We also will experience new challenges (though, I admit, I'm a little excited about these challenges and they aren't "bad" challenges to have) in having a child already in the mix to plan for once we are chosen. When Josiah was born, we packed a couple of back packs and got on a plane. We skipped baggage claim and went straight to our rental car and to the hospital so we could get to the hospital on time. This time, we will have to pack Josiah related items, a car seat, and make a plan for him while at least one of us is at the hospital. Since we are always in prayer that we will be able to witness the birth of our second child, we will have to figure out a way to make Josiah safe and comfortable while also welcoming a new family member.
Another challenge will be welcoming a second birth family into our lives while still maintaining a relationship with Josiah's birth family. I continue to foster the relationship we have with S, and I keep her update on our second adoption progress as well as continually remind her that she remains an important part of our lives.
Over the next few months, be expecting blog posts from me to be about the process of infant domestic adoption, how the process works (in more detail than the first go around) and updates on our own personal journey. And of course, updates and pictures of the cutest little curly haired boy. We appreciate your prayers as we start this journey again and look forward to sharing our second adoption journey with you!
Coming into this a second time, we have the same fears and concerns we had the first time. We also have the same excitement and expectation. Since we chronicled the first adoption, I will continue to document this adoption journey with more details this time on the process itself (partially as a distraction for myself as we start the waiting period again).
Our new agency is less expensive than our first, but more labor intensive. We will design our own profile and create our own video profile, as well as printing them, etc. This cuts down their cost. Unfortunately, agency adoptions aren't cheap, even when some of the fees are cut. God provided during our first adoption through generous donations from friends and family, fundraising, penny saving and repayment of some of the fees, we were able to leave our first adoption without significant debt. We are starting over again, but we trust God to provide again.
We chose this agency instead of returning to our first not because the first wasn't good-- we had a good experience with them for sure. We chose this one because they have a Christian background, are less expensive and you have more freedom and control in your adoption journey by being more involved in the profile process.
Now that we have experienced the joy of being parents, the second adoption is a little scarier than the first. Now that we know how incredibly in love you can become with a newborn in an instant, realizing that could be taken away by a change of heart (please note; it is a birth mothers right to change her mind and we would never fault a woman for choosing to parent her child) is horrifying and heartbreaking.
We also will experience new challenges (though, I admit, I'm a little excited about these challenges and they aren't "bad" challenges to have) in having a child already in the mix to plan for once we are chosen. When Josiah was born, we packed a couple of back packs and got on a plane. We skipped baggage claim and went straight to our rental car and to the hospital so we could get to the hospital on time. This time, we will have to pack Josiah related items, a car seat, and make a plan for him while at least one of us is at the hospital. Since we are always in prayer that we will be able to witness the birth of our second child, we will have to figure out a way to make Josiah safe and comfortable while also welcoming a new family member.
Another challenge will be welcoming a second birth family into our lives while still maintaining a relationship with Josiah's birth family. I continue to foster the relationship we have with S, and I keep her update on our second adoption progress as well as continually remind her that she remains an important part of our lives.
Over the next few months, be expecting blog posts from me to be about the process of infant domestic adoption, how the process works (in more detail than the first go around) and updates on our own personal journey. And of course, updates and pictures of the cutest little curly haired boy. We appreciate your prayers as we start this journey again and look forward to sharing our second adoption journey with you!
Friday, January 6, 2017
It's Been A Year
On Sunday, Josiah turns one year old. So many things have changed since this time last year and I was feeling nostalgic as my little man-- who is now weighs in the late 20s-- let me hold him while he slept this morning. He's much longer and heavier than he was at 18 inches long and just under 5 pounds, but he still prefers my left shoulder when he sleeps and he still strokes my arm as he drifts off.
I recently re-read all of the posts on this blog since the beginning of our journey to Josiah, as well as my journals about his birth and the weeks that followed. It's so nice to have a collection of my thoughts and written details of the events that have taken place. It's great to look back at the people who commented on these posts and see how many people were cheering for us.
Exactly a year ago today, I had no idea that in two days I would be a mom--we were supposed to have five more weeks. I had conveniently done all of the house chores, so I would fall asleep at the normal time in a clean home. My phone would ring a little after midnight and we would start the journey that would lead to our son.
Josiah is not that little 4 pound, 14 ounce baby we were so excited to meet last January. He is a chubby, 8 toothed baby who can walk on his own and eats anything you put in front of him. He is the boy who laughs at almost anything, loves to hang upside down, walks around with two light sabers and can't get enough of his grandma and grandpa.
Most of what I would say about the first year of Josiah's life would be typical to most mothers, though I wouldn't write the horrors of mothering like I read so many of before we brought him home. Yes, I didn't get as much sleep this year than I have in the past, I have dealt with more poop/pee/snot/bodily fluids than I could've imagined, my kid can SCREAM when he wants to and constantly caring for another human being can be a daunting task at times. But as most moms know, you adjust. I changed my schedule to make sure I got the time in that I needed (running and working out aren't options to me), I learned when I needed to step away from the baby, I learned when I needed to tell my husband to watch Josiah so I could go do something away from the house.
And with that, I celebrate a year of successful(ish) motherhood. A year of realizing just how incredibly selfish I am, of how incredibly amazing he is. A year of become more and more aware that I would do this again in a heartbeat.
We look forward to the next year with a quiet anticipation and hope that maybe we can complete our family with another child. We look forward to Josiah learning to speak, to run and to see his personality form.
Happy New Year, everyone, may 2017 bring you the blessings you need.
I recently re-read all of the posts on this blog since the beginning of our journey to Josiah, as well as my journals about his birth and the weeks that followed. It's so nice to have a collection of my thoughts and written details of the events that have taken place. It's great to look back at the people who commented on these posts and see how many people were cheering for us.
Exactly a year ago today, I had no idea that in two days I would be a mom--we were supposed to have five more weeks. I had conveniently done all of the house chores, so I would fall asleep at the normal time in a clean home. My phone would ring a little after midnight and we would start the journey that would lead to our son.
Josiah is not that little 4 pound, 14 ounce baby we were so excited to meet last January. He is a chubby, 8 toothed baby who can walk on his own and eats anything you put in front of him. He is the boy who laughs at almost anything, loves to hang upside down, walks around with two light sabers and can't get enough of his grandma and grandpa.
Most of what I would say about the first year of Josiah's life would be typical to most mothers, though I wouldn't write the horrors of mothering like I read so many of before we brought him home. Yes, I didn't get as much sleep this year than I have in the past, I have dealt with more poop/pee/snot/bodily fluids than I could've imagined, my kid can SCREAM when he wants to and constantly caring for another human being can be a daunting task at times. But as most moms know, you adjust. I changed my schedule to make sure I got the time in that I needed (running and working out aren't options to me), I learned when I needed to step away from the baby, I learned when I needed to tell my husband to watch Josiah so I could go do something away from the house.
And with that, I celebrate a year of successful(ish) motherhood. A year of realizing just how incredibly selfish I am, of how incredibly amazing he is. A year of become more and more aware that I would do this again in a heartbeat.
We look forward to the next year with a quiet anticipation and hope that maybe we can complete our family with another child. We look forward to Josiah learning to speak, to run and to see his personality form.
Happy New Year, everyone, may 2017 bring you the blessings you need.
Monday, December 19, 2016
10 Years
So many things have changed but one remains the same.
I was 19 years old. I had just graduated from college with a degree I wasn't sure what I could do with. I knew I liked music but didn't know if I was really any good or if it would ever serve a purpose in my life. I was unsure what the future would hold, not knowing much about the adult world. I had an optimistic outlook though, and assumed everything I thought life was supposed to be would fall into place-- we would get jobs, buy a house, have babies, the white picket fence in our front yard would never show it's age.
I didn't know a lot and I was unsure about the rest-- except for one thing.
We were married for two weeks and settling into our new normal. We made pancakes because that's what we ate on our honeymoon that we thought was delicious. I was going to job interviews and handing in resumes all over town hoping for a job before school started for him. We stood at the stove, both staring at the chicken because it was the first time either of us had cooked chicken. We walked through WalMart together, counting our dollars and pennies and sticking to a strict and mandatory budget. We ate macaroni and cheese and ramen noodles and rushed home on Thursday nights to watch The Office.
Everything was new and we were learning everything together. I still didn't know a lot-- except for one thing.
We moved to Nebraska. To a town we knew nothing about and knew no one. We put an offer on our first house. We grew as people, finding new hobbies and interests, getting involved in what was important to us. We learned that things don't always come easy. We experienced death, loss and the loss of something that we never even had. We fought to expand our family harder and longer than I thought we could. We jumped through hoops and signed on every dotted line. We held hands, we held our breath... and we held our son.
We learned some harder lessons and sometimes I was less sure than I had ever been-- except for one thing.
15 years ago I started dating a boy with the intention of marriage. 10 years ago, at 19, I walked down the aisle of a small church in South Dakota wearing a white dress, knowing that one thing. I knew, for a fact, without a single doubt, that I was supposed to be Jim's wife. I walked down that aisle with full confidence that I was doing God's will.
So here is to the one who has been in my life since I was 14. Here is to the one who learned with me, grew with me, cried with me and put up with me. Here is to my husband and the 10 years we've had with rings on our fingers. Here's to a many more.
Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart.
I was 19 years old. I had just graduated from college with a degree I wasn't sure what I could do with. I knew I liked music but didn't know if I was really any good or if it would ever serve a purpose in my life. I was unsure what the future would hold, not knowing much about the adult world. I had an optimistic outlook though, and assumed everything I thought life was supposed to be would fall into place-- we would get jobs, buy a house, have babies, the white picket fence in our front yard would never show it's age.
I didn't know a lot and I was unsure about the rest-- except for one thing.
We were married for two weeks and settling into our new normal. We made pancakes because that's what we ate on our honeymoon that we thought was delicious. I was going to job interviews and handing in resumes all over town hoping for a job before school started for him. We stood at the stove, both staring at the chicken because it was the first time either of us had cooked chicken. We walked through WalMart together, counting our dollars and pennies and sticking to a strict and mandatory budget. We ate macaroni and cheese and ramen noodles and rushed home on Thursday nights to watch The Office.
Everything was new and we were learning everything together. I still didn't know a lot-- except for one thing.
We moved to Nebraska. To a town we knew nothing about and knew no one. We put an offer on our first house. We grew as people, finding new hobbies and interests, getting involved in what was important to us. We learned that things don't always come easy. We experienced death, loss and the loss of something that we never even had. We fought to expand our family harder and longer than I thought we could. We jumped through hoops and signed on every dotted line. We held hands, we held our breath... and we held our son.
We learned some harder lessons and sometimes I was less sure than I had ever been-- except for one thing.
15 years ago I started dating a boy with the intention of marriage. 10 years ago, at 19, I walked down the aisle of a small church in South Dakota wearing a white dress, knowing that one thing. I knew, for a fact, without a single doubt, that I was supposed to be Jim's wife. I walked down that aisle with full confidence that I was doing God's will.
So here is to the one who has been in my life since I was 14. Here is to the one who learned with me, grew with me, cried with me and put up with me. Here is to my husband and the 10 years we've had with rings on our fingers. Here's to a many more.
Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart.
Saturday, December 3, 2016
16 For '16
The year 2016 probably won't be remembered as the best year. A lot of people have really, really struggled this year. From a world level, a national level and personal level, there have been deaths, tragedies, and major negative events.
But as I reflected on 2016 from a personal level, I had a lot to be grateful for. So, for my list loving friends, I am sharing a list of 16 things I'm grateful for in 2016. This list is in no particular order. Though I plan on a couple of more posts before the years end, I want to wish you all a Very MERRY Christmas and Happy New Year!
1. 1:03 AM January 8, a little boy entered the world and I was given permission by the woman who gave him life to be his mother. Feeling his warm, 4 pound body on my chest under my shirt was the greatest moment of joy.
2. I met Miss Monica Mercer. After our little boy was born, we got to experience the humbling and amazing gift of someone allowing us to live in her home. With a newborn. After meeting us only once. And not asking for a thing in return. To meet someone as giving as that in a time of need is nothing short of a Godsend.
3. My parents moved to Ogallala. After living with us for a while and going back and forth to Nevada, they moved into their own, beautiful home across town and it has been a huge blessing to have them in nearby to watch our little boy grow. Watching my dad with Josiah has been amazing. I have never seen my dad interact with a baby quite like he does Josiah and it makes me so happy. And my mom is a great, spoiling grandma and I am so, so grateful for her willingness to be grandma-daycare and to help me to raise our son in the best way possible.
4. One of my running partners quickly became one of my closest, go to "mom friends". I'm grateful for Tanya and her love for me and my kiddo. There have been a couple of times when she bailed me out when I don't think a lot of others would or could have. I only wish I could return the favor.
5. Josiah officially became a Parrish! With all of the legalities out of the way, we took a deep breath and just enjoyed being a family. There really isn't much of a better feeling than finally having everything in order on something so incredibly important.
6. Two of my talented students represented Western Nebraska in the All State band performance. Through a difficult audition process, they showed their talent to be selected into this select group of musicians. I couldn't be more proud of my students and can't wait to see where music takes these girls.
7. I got to watch Gilmore Girls with Danielle. It's been a few years since she's moved away, but my BFF still makes time for me-- even with her two kids and busy schedule. I am so grateful that she was willing to meet me and binge watch a show and binge eat allthefood.
8. I went back to work. After a super long maternity leave (that I worked an hour or two a week through), I finally returned to the music store. While leaving my little man to go to work can be hard sometimes, I love the store and the people I work with and for
9. I ran my most miles ever in one week when we got back with Josiah and never stopped. It somehow just happened that I hit a 40 mile week after we returned with Josiah. Every morning I woke up and ran as far as the time would allow because I didn't know how this running with a newborn thing was going to work out-- I assumed there would be mornings when I wouldn't get out the door. I tend to hate to lower the bar after I've set it, so I have stuck to that mileage almost every week since. Even though it means 4 AM wake up calls and running completely in the dark.
10. I discovered freezer meals. I love to cook, but we're in a season where spending an hour in the kitchen prepping dinner just isn't a possibility for me every night. So instead, I do one major grocery trip, come home and spend about 3 hours prepping the vegetables and putting the meals together. I throw most of them in large ziploc bags then into the crockpot the morning of. It has been great to have good meals at night without any prep during the day.
11. Jim and I celebrate 10 years of happy marriage. This hasn't happened yet (December 23rd!) but we have a weekend getaway planned (our first night leaving our little boy with the grandparents!) to Colorado for a "mega date night" with an IMAX movie experience, a swanky dinner and a fancy hotel.
I'm always and forever grateful for my husband, for meeting him when I did and for our journey so far together. He is the better half of us.
12. Every single time Josiah falls asleep on my shoulder, nuzzles into me, prefers me over someone else (I know that's horrible, but that is such a great feeling! The feeling of being mommy!), laughs at me or smiles because I enter a room.
13. The babies firsts. You knew this was coming, a list full of Josiah, right? Well, watching him take his first steps (!), his first time wearing shoes, his first pair of mittens... pretty much anytime we say "awwww!!" and rush for the camera. These things make my heart soar.
14. Visiting Colorado. We visited Colorado a couple of times this year. Once we visited family while my parents took a train ride through the mountains and once we went to Boulder just for a weekend getaway. We love the mountains and having a fun city to drive to that can be done in a day.
15. I got to play oboe and english horn in the pit orchestra for the high school in "My Fair Lady". I had never played an english horn before, so it was a lot of fun to have a new instrument challenge. It was also a lot of fun to watch the talented kids perform. I love pit orchestra music with multiple instruments. It's the perfect kind of challenge that I love to participate in.
16.Lastly, I am grateful for goals. I have a few for the next year that I look forward to taking on. I want to continue to strive to slow down my schedule so I can enjoy every second with my family, to limit my possessions so I can fully enjoy my home and to continue to improve my diet so I can have the maximum amount of (much needed!) energy. I also hope to take on the handstand this year (it will happen!) and my best friend and I are considering an ultra marathon to celebrate both being 30. And as those who read this blog know, I'm also hoping to have the added joy and challenge of a second child in our home.
But as I reflected on 2016 from a personal level, I had a lot to be grateful for. So, for my list loving friends, I am sharing a list of 16 things I'm grateful for in 2016. This list is in no particular order. Though I plan on a couple of more posts before the years end, I want to wish you all a Very MERRY Christmas and Happy New Year!
1. 1:03 AM January 8, a little boy entered the world and I was given permission by the woman who gave him life to be his mother. Feeling his warm, 4 pound body on my chest under my shirt was the greatest moment of joy.
2. I met Miss Monica Mercer. After our little boy was born, we got to experience the humbling and amazing gift of someone allowing us to live in her home. With a newborn. After meeting us only once. And not asking for a thing in return. To meet someone as giving as that in a time of need is nothing short of a Godsend.
3. My parents moved to Ogallala. After living with us for a while and going back and forth to Nevada, they moved into their own, beautiful home across town and it has been a huge blessing to have them in nearby to watch our little boy grow. Watching my dad with Josiah has been amazing. I have never seen my dad interact with a baby quite like he does Josiah and it makes me so happy. And my mom is a great, spoiling grandma and I am so, so grateful for her willingness to be grandma-daycare and to help me to raise our son in the best way possible.
4. One of my running partners quickly became one of my closest, go to "mom friends". I'm grateful for Tanya and her love for me and my kiddo. There have been a couple of times when she bailed me out when I don't think a lot of others would or could have. I only wish I could return the favor.
5. Josiah officially became a Parrish! With all of the legalities out of the way, we took a deep breath and just enjoyed being a family. There really isn't much of a better feeling than finally having everything in order on something so incredibly important.
6. Two of my talented students represented Western Nebraska in the All State band performance. Through a difficult audition process, they showed their talent to be selected into this select group of musicians. I couldn't be more proud of my students and can't wait to see where music takes these girls.
7. I got to watch Gilmore Girls with Danielle. It's been a few years since she's moved away, but my BFF still makes time for me-- even with her two kids and busy schedule. I am so grateful that she was willing to meet me and binge watch a show and binge eat allthefood.
8. I went back to work. After a super long maternity leave (that I worked an hour or two a week through), I finally returned to the music store. While leaving my little man to go to work can be hard sometimes, I love the store and the people I work with and for
9. I ran my most miles ever in one week when we got back with Josiah and never stopped. It somehow just happened that I hit a 40 mile week after we returned with Josiah. Every morning I woke up and ran as far as the time would allow because I didn't know how this running with a newborn thing was going to work out-- I assumed there would be mornings when I wouldn't get out the door. I tend to hate to lower the bar after I've set it, so I have stuck to that mileage almost every week since. Even though it means 4 AM wake up calls and running completely in the dark.
10. I discovered freezer meals. I love to cook, but we're in a season where spending an hour in the kitchen prepping dinner just isn't a possibility for me every night. So instead, I do one major grocery trip, come home and spend about 3 hours prepping the vegetables and putting the meals together. I throw most of them in large ziploc bags then into the crockpot the morning of. It has been great to have good meals at night without any prep during the day.
11. Jim and I celebrate 10 years of happy marriage. This hasn't happened yet (December 23rd!) but we have a weekend getaway planned (our first night leaving our little boy with the grandparents!) to Colorado for a "mega date night" with an IMAX movie experience, a swanky dinner and a fancy hotel.
I'm always and forever grateful for my husband, for meeting him when I did and for our journey so far together. He is the better half of us.
12. Every single time Josiah falls asleep on my shoulder, nuzzles into me, prefers me over someone else (I know that's horrible, but that is such a great feeling! The feeling of being mommy!), laughs at me or smiles because I enter a room.
13. The babies firsts. You knew this was coming, a list full of Josiah, right? Well, watching him take his first steps (!), his first time wearing shoes, his first pair of mittens... pretty much anytime we say "awwww!!" and rush for the camera. These things make my heart soar.
14. Visiting Colorado. We visited Colorado a couple of times this year. Once we visited family while my parents took a train ride through the mountains and once we went to Boulder just for a weekend getaway. We love the mountains and having a fun city to drive to that can be done in a day.
15. I got to play oboe and english horn in the pit orchestra for the high school in "My Fair Lady". I had never played an english horn before, so it was a lot of fun to have a new instrument challenge. It was also a lot of fun to watch the talented kids perform. I love pit orchestra music with multiple instruments. It's the perfect kind of challenge that I love to participate in.
16.Lastly, I am grateful for goals. I have a few for the next year that I look forward to taking on. I want to continue to strive to slow down my schedule so I can enjoy every second with my family, to limit my possessions so I can fully enjoy my home and to continue to improve my diet so I can have the maximum amount of (much needed!) energy. I also hope to take on the handstand this year (it will happen!) and my best friend and I are considering an ultra marathon to celebrate both being 30. And as those who read this blog know, I'm also hoping to have the added joy and challenge of a second child in our home.
Saturday, November 12, 2016
A Post Adoption Mini Series: Post 4: More Kids
The last of the mini series before I take a break from boring you with adoption related blog posts :). Not that I have a lot else to write to you that would excite you, but hey, at least you know a break is coming!
When I had the luxury of daydreaming about my future family, carefully imagining the perfect age to have children, how many, which order, that sort of thing, I always had a clear image in my head. I imagined myself wearing a white or pink sundress in a well manicured back yard, serving pink lemonade at a tea party for a beautiful little girl that looked just like Gail (Jim's little sister) while Jim read the paper in the distance on a lawn chair. Every once in a great while he would be playing catch with a little boy.
This image is so unrealistic that it cracks me up. The Parrish's with a well manicured back yard? Three dogs and lazy lawn care habits ensure that will never happen. Me in a white sundress is pretty unrealistic as I avoid wearing white and sundresses in general. Jim lounging out reading the newspaper is probably the most unrealistic thing in the whole picture... I don't think I've ever seen him read a paper in the 15 years we've been together.
And of course, I now have a cute little boy who doesn't look much like us and is way too cute.
I have already written a post about our decision to seek another adoption. At first it didn't seem like that would happen because the expense of the first one kind of made it seem impossible. I wasn't entirely sure I wanted more than one, anyway. Not until I saw how the first one went.
The first time Josiah smiled at me and recognized me as mama in a visible way, I was hooked. I knew that motherhood was for me and our hearts and home have room for at least one more little one. Giving Josiah a sibling and a big brother to that sibling would be such a blessing.
I thought maybe after having the first child in our home I wouldn't have that deep desire anymore. I thought it would be quenched by motherhood but this second time around is just as strong if not stronger. I not only want to be a mom again for myself and my husband but for our son, I've seen how much of a blessing adoption can be and I know now that I can actually be a mom (I worried a lot about that before Josiah).
It's scary going the private route without an agency. The likelihood of placement is much lower and the chances of a scam are higher. It's scary knowing that there are people who prey on adoptive parents. It's scary to know that there are people who prey on young pregnant women and try to rope them into adoption even if that isn't their choice. It's scary that these things happen that will forever alter a child's life. But when it is right, it is beautiful.
Though this road has been filled with unexpected problems, it is one worth going down a second time.
And with that, I wish you all a happy National Adoption Month. If you are at all interested in adoption in your life, please reach out to those you know who have done it. Learn everything you can about it and decide if it is right for your family. If you have never considered it and are in a position where it is a possibility, consider it for just a moment. You might surprise yourself. And it's completely, 100% okay if you decide it's not for you.
When I had the luxury of daydreaming about my future family, carefully imagining the perfect age to have children, how many, which order, that sort of thing, I always had a clear image in my head. I imagined myself wearing a white or pink sundress in a well manicured back yard, serving pink lemonade at a tea party for a beautiful little girl that looked just like Gail (Jim's little sister) while Jim read the paper in the distance on a lawn chair. Every once in a great while he would be playing catch with a little boy.
This image is so unrealistic that it cracks me up. The Parrish's with a well manicured back yard? Three dogs and lazy lawn care habits ensure that will never happen. Me in a white sundress is pretty unrealistic as I avoid wearing white and sundresses in general. Jim lounging out reading the newspaper is probably the most unrealistic thing in the whole picture... I don't think I've ever seen him read a paper in the 15 years we've been together.
And of course, I now have a cute little boy who doesn't look much like us and is way too cute.
I have already written a post about our decision to seek another adoption. At first it didn't seem like that would happen because the expense of the first one kind of made it seem impossible. I wasn't entirely sure I wanted more than one, anyway. Not until I saw how the first one went.
The first time Josiah smiled at me and recognized me as mama in a visible way, I was hooked. I knew that motherhood was for me and our hearts and home have room for at least one more little one. Giving Josiah a sibling and a big brother to that sibling would be such a blessing.
I thought maybe after having the first child in our home I wouldn't have that deep desire anymore. I thought it would be quenched by motherhood but this second time around is just as strong if not stronger. I not only want to be a mom again for myself and my husband but for our son, I've seen how much of a blessing adoption can be and I know now that I can actually be a mom (I worried a lot about that before Josiah).
It's scary going the private route without an agency. The likelihood of placement is much lower and the chances of a scam are higher. It's scary knowing that there are people who prey on adoptive parents. It's scary to know that there are people who prey on young pregnant women and try to rope them into adoption even if that isn't their choice. It's scary that these things happen that will forever alter a child's life. But when it is right, it is beautiful.
Though this road has been filled with unexpected problems, it is one worth going down a second time.
And with that, I wish you all a happy National Adoption Month. If you are at all interested in adoption in your life, please reach out to those you know who have done it. Learn everything you can about it and decide if it is right for your family. If you have never considered it and are in a position where it is a possibility, consider it for just a moment. You might surprise yourself. And it's completely, 100% okay if you decide it's not for you.
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