We have lived in this house for a little over 4 years. The first summer we lived here I witnessed some of the most amazing thunderstorms I had ever been a part of. The rolling thunder, the lightening that seemed to stretch from one side of the world to the other, the rain, the hail. While completely fascinated, I still had one eye on the door to the basement and whatever media outlets I could on the weather.
We had a couple of mild years after that, if I remember correctly. Or maybe I got over my fear of a big storm for a short while... maybe I got cocky in my plains-lifestyle.
I grew up in the Black Hills. Tornadoes weren't even considered a small threat. When storms hit, it was the blizzards that took out power lines that we didn't care for. It was the spring flood that covered the campground below my house that was unnerving.
But, with my husband on his way home and the house and dogs in my care after a week of him being away, I am sitting comfortably in our basement with our dogs, just to be safe as a thunderstorm with possible tornado activity goes over. I wouldn't have even thought about it if he had been here, or if the neighbors hadn't been joyfully pointing at the sky (my neighbors, like most Nebraskans, point at swirling clouds instead of hiding from them).
I know I'm being overly cautious and all of my friends reading this who live in Nebraska, which is mostly all of you, are laughing at me right now-- that is unless you are catching this as the storm goes on... in which case, you've already stopped reading and are out on your back deck. Then you'll come back and laugh at me.
I'm not a Nebraskan yet. Maybe someday I will have my phone out to take pictures of the cool cloud formations instead of having it plugged in on a basement outlet in case I need it charged. Maybe someday the dogs won't be severely disappointed when I grab their leashes and take downstairs instead of on a walk in the rain (hey, I don't want my dogs wandering off if my house falls down, okay?). Maybe I'll be one of those cool Nebraskans someday that doesn't have to wonder if she should grab food when she walks past the fridge "just in case". Maybe someday.
But for now, the dogs and I are enjoying our time in the basement, listening to the rain and thunder upstairs and watching the weather channel radar along with youtube videos.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Saturday, May 11, 2013
The "It's Okay, Really" Day, Also Known As Mother's Day
We've been "trying" to have kids for a while now. A long while. We haven't been strict with it, we haven't followed any sort of rules or patterns, but it just hasn't happened yet.
So, as we enter the time of year where mothers and fathers are celebrated, we brace ourselves for whatever might come our way. We prepare to hear sermons about how great parents are, we get ready to walk past the flowers at the end of the mothers day sermon without taking one because they are, after all, for mothers. Jim gets ready to listen to fathers talk about their kids a little more as fathers day draws closer. I know my internet searches will be filled with coupons and advertisements for mother related things and that everywhere I go, everything girly will be meant for "mom".
But, while I would love to be a mother and look forward to one day raising kids with my husband (who will be an awesome dad), it's not earth shattering to me right now. God has given me peace that I don't need kids right now. I'm enjoying my independence, the thought of maybe getting the house paid off before kids, getting to make my marriage even more solid before more people are added to the equation.
It's okay, really.
Then we prepare for Mother's Day in a different way. Jim lost his mom to cancer not too long ago. We prepare to hear from Lezlie, his older sister, who took the loss harder than any of the siblings. We worry about Gail, who didn't get to have her mom at her high school graduation. We think about her and remember the good things she did and taught and the not-so-great things, too.
And we think differently about Father's Day this year , too. My dad is in the middle of chemo treatments. My big, strong, indestructible dad is ill almost constantly. And with his health and the loss of Joan we remember that we don't have the luxury of younger parents (quite the opposite, we both had older parents) and that if we aren't blessed with children soon, they may not know their grandparents. Which would be terribly sad.
But, I know that whatever happens is supposed to happen. My dad was a good dad and a great dad now that I'm an adult. We are closer and talk more about everything now than when I was a kid. And if he or any other parents pass away before our kids come along, we are ready to tell them all about their grandparents and where they went. And what is more exciting than talking about Heaven and how great someone we love is?
It's okay, really.
I prepare for other things on Mother's day. Since a lot of people know we have been trying to have kids, I will get the kind pats on the back from those who understand that it might be a difficult day. From others, we will get the standard, well-meaning but nonetheless a little frustrating comments--"when are the two of you going to start popping them out?", and "someday you'll have your own and you'll think mother's day isn't enough" or "you guys have to hurry up and have kids, you can't wait forever". (Side note: If you have ever said the last one to anyone, do me a favor and stomp on your own toes. It's rude and can be extremely painful to people who are trying or who long for children.). And maybe like last year, I'll receive a pity flower from one of my students at the back of the church with the "you will be a mother someday, you get a flower now", which is always very sweet.
I take the kind words and the sweet gestures for what they are and appreciate them. The comments, I do my best to ignore or understand that people don't think to filter their words or they might not know or understand what it is they are saying.
It's okay, really.
And lastly, I think of others on Mother's Day. I think of my closest friend and how hard this weekend might be for her. I think of how amazing she will be and how blessed those kids will be when she gets children into her home. I think of my friend Adrienne, who is a mother of 6 young ones and puts up with more comments from outsiders than anyone else I know but has some very well behaved kids. I think of Laura, who adopted two beautiful girls close in age and is loving them to death. I think of all of the women who have suffered from a miscarriage and my heart hurts for them.
But for me, it's okay, really. I'm not just saying that or putting on a front. I'll be patient and He will direct my paths.
It's okay, I'm okay. Really.
Happy Mother's Day.
So, as we enter the time of year where mothers and fathers are celebrated, we brace ourselves for whatever might come our way. We prepare to hear sermons about how great parents are, we get ready to walk past the flowers at the end of the mothers day sermon without taking one because they are, after all, for mothers. Jim gets ready to listen to fathers talk about their kids a little more as fathers day draws closer. I know my internet searches will be filled with coupons and advertisements for mother related things and that everywhere I go, everything girly will be meant for "mom".
But, while I would love to be a mother and look forward to one day raising kids with my husband (who will be an awesome dad), it's not earth shattering to me right now. God has given me peace that I don't need kids right now. I'm enjoying my independence, the thought of maybe getting the house paid off before kids, getting to make my marriage even more solid before more people are added to the equation.
It's okay, really.
Then we prepare for Mother's Day in a different way. Jim lost his mom to cancer not too long ago. We prepare to hear from Lezlie, his older sister, who took the loss harder than any of the siblings. We worry about Gail, who didn't get to have her mom at her high school graduation. We think about her and remember the good things she did and taught and the not-so-great things, too.
And we think differently about Father's Day this year , too. My dad is in the middle of chemo treatments. My big, strong, indestructible dad is ill almost constantly. And with his health and the loss of Joan we remember that we don't have the luxury of younger parents (quite the opposite, we both had older parents) and that if we aren't blessed with children soon, they may not know their grandparents. Which would be terribly sad.
But, I know that whatever happens is supposed to happen. My dad was a good dad and a great dad now that I'm an adult. We are closer and talk more about everything now than when I was a kid. And if he or any other parents pass away before our kids come along, we are ready to tell them all about their grandparents and where they went. And what is more exciting than talking about Heaven and how great someone we love is?
It's okay, really.
I prepare for other things on Mother's day. Since a lot of people know we have been trying to have kids, I will get the kind pats on the back from those who understand that it might be a difficult day. From others, we will get the standard, well-meaning but nonetheless a little frustrating comments--"when are the two of you going to start popping them out?", and "someday you'll have your own and you'll think mother's day isn't enough" or "you guys have to hurry up and have kids, you can't wait forever". (Side note: If you have ever said the last one to anyone, do me a favor and stomp on your own toes. It's rude and can be extremely painful to people who are trying or who long for children.). And maybe like last year, I'll receive a pity flower from one of my students at the back of the church with the "you will be a mother someday, you get a flower now", which is always very sweet.
I take the kind words and the sweet gestures for what they are and appreciate them. The comments, I do my best to ignore or understand that people don't think to filter their words or they might not know or understand what it is they are saying.
It's okay, really.
And lastly, I think of others on Mother's Day. I think of my closest friend and how hard this weekend might be for her. I think of how amazing she will be and how blessed those kids will be when she gets children into her home. I think of my friend Adrienne, who is a mother of 6 young ones and puts up with more comments from outsiders than anyone else I know but has some very well behaved kids. I think of Laura, who adopted two beautiful girls close in age and is loving them to death. I think of all of the women who have suffered from a miscarriage and my heart hurts for them.
But for me, it's okay, really. I'm not just saying that or putting on a front. I'll be patient and He will direct my paths.
It's okay, I'm okay. Really.
Happy Mother's Day.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Running
Fauja Singh retired from marathon running at the age 101. He started running at age 89.
He ran at a little over a 15 minute per mile pace, which is admittedly slow, but this man made worldwide headlines by being the oldest person to complete a marathon.
The running world is completely different than I expected because people like him.
I started running to lose weight. I was walking, then jogging on the treadmill. Eventually it led to other lifestyle changes like diet change and working out. I lost over 30 pounds, which was the main goal. But after a few months it wasn't about that anymore at all.
Running changed my life in a lot more ways than just seeing a smaller number on the scale.
I stopped sighing at my reflection and instead was checking out my new leg muscles.
Running outside made me more confident. My hair isn't perfect while I run and I don't have beautifully long and graceful strides like other runners do, but learning not to care if people judge my form or not made it so I don't really care if people judge me all day long. There are things to be concerned about, including how I present myself, but if I am being kind and doing what God would have of me, I don't really need to concern myself with what people think. It's something we're told all the time, but running really made the insecurity of being judged diminish.
Running made me more outgoing. The running world is full of different characters, but if I rind a runner, I find a companion no matter where I am. I called ahead and arranged to meet with an ultra-marathoner group in Reno a couple of weeks ago. Yes, I was intimidated, but after the question of pace and distance of run were answered, I didn't have the slightest apprehension about meeting these new people. I showed up at an unknown location, introduced myself as the "gal from Nebraska" and we took off. I learned a lot about these people in Reno and will most likely look them up again next time I'm in town.
Running made me more energetic. It sounds backwards, but the longer the run, the more energy I have that day.
Running makes me want to be better all around. Doing something to improve my life makes me want to do more and more improving. It's why I changed my eating habits, why I've been going minimalist, why I've been considering every purchase, why I've been trying to budget my time better and learn more about things I'm interested in.
Running made me more open. There is something about running with someone that makes you open up. Being miles in, sweaty, huffing and puffing and miserable. Maybe it's that talking takes your mind off of what you perceive as eminent death, or maybe it's just being that vulnerable position leads to being more vulnerable with your thoughts, too.
Either way, running gave me a life long close friend. The running partner friendship is different than any I have ever experienced. Danielle knows a lot about me. Most of our time spent was encouraging each other, even if it was just silently plugging along next to each other and the encouragement was just to keep going.
And running makes me happy. There has never been a run that I have regretted doing. During, sure, I question my own sanity sometimes. But days that start with a run almost always start with a smile.
He ran at a little over a 15 minute per mile pace, which is admittedly slow, but this man made worldwide headlines by being the oldest person to complete a marathon.
The running world is completely different than I expected because people like him.
I started running to lose weight. I was walking, then jogging on the treadmill. Eventually it led to other lifestyle changes like diet change and working out. I lost over 30 pounds, which was the main goal. But after a few months it wasn't about that anymore at all.
Running changed my life in a lot more ways than just seeing a smaller number on the scale.
I stopped sighing at my reflection and instead was checking out my new leg muscles.
Running outside made me more confident. My hair isn't perfect while I run and I don't have beautifully long and graceful strides like other runners do, but learning not to care if people judge my form or not made it so I don't really care if people judge me all day long. There are things to be concerned about, including how I present myself, but if I am being kind and doing what God would have of me, I don't really need to concern myself with what people think. It's something we're told all the time, but running really made the insecurity of being judged diminish.
Running made me more outgoing. The running world is full of different characters, but if I rind a runner, I find a companion no matter where I am. I called ahead and arranged to meet with an ultra-marathoner group in Reno a couple of weeks ago. Yes, I was intimidated, but after the question of pace and distance of run were answered, I didn't have the slightest apprehension about meeting these new people. I showed up at an unknown location, introduced myself as the "gal from Nebraska" and we took off. I learned a lot about these people in Reno and will most likely look them up again next time I'm in town.
Running made me more energetic. It sounds backwards, but the longer the run, the more energy I have that day.
Running makes me want to be better all around. Doing something to improve my life makes me want to do more and more improving. It's why I changed my eating habits, why I've been going minimalist, why I've been considering every purchase, why I've been trying to budget my time better and learn more about things I'm interested in.
Running made me more open. There is something about running with someone that makes you open up. Being miles in, sweaty, huffing and puffing and miserable. Maybe it's that talking takes your mind off of what you perceive as eminent death, or maybe it's just being that vulnerable position leads to being more vulnerable with your thoughts, too.
Either way, running gave me a life long close friend. The running partner friendship is different than any I have ever experienced. Danielle knows a lot about me. Most of our time spent was encouraging each other, even if it was just silently plugging along next to each other and the encouragement was just to keep going.
And running makes me happy. There has never been a run that I have regretted doing. During, sure, I question my own sanity sometimes. But days that start with a run almost always start with a smile.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Calm Wife
Taken from a marriage blog I wrote for a short while. Edited so it makes sense in this context.
Proverbs has always been my favorite book in God's word. Maybe it's because I like simple instruction or maybe it's my love for one-line quotes in general. Either way, if you have ever read through Proverbs, you get the idea that wise people keep their cool and fools don't. Fools are hot-tempered, they are quick to judge, they are quick to comment and I get the feeling the only thing they don't do quickly is think.
Proverbs also mentions, multiple times, how awful living with a quarrelsome wife is. The most horrifying comparison is in Proverbs 12:4 "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones". I couldn't imagine being the cause of my husbands bones rotting!
Proverbs is the reason I strive to be a calm wife. Who would want to be a fool or be known as quarrelsome? Why would I, as someone who believes the Bible as truth, knowingly be something that I know is against its words? And I don't want to be the kind of woman who marries her favorite person only to be a constant annoyance to him... or worse, a slow decay on his soul.
Psalm 46:10 has solidified my goals in being a calm woman when it says "be still and know that I am God". I can't be still if I am not calm. I long for the kind of peace that comes with being still and knowing God and to experience a life with the simplicity of that statement. I strive to walk in wisdom, live in peace, being calm and living simply and being a blessing to my husband and those around me.
Proverbs was the beginning, but being calm is more than just reading about it. I am by no means an expert and I hope to never lose the humility that comes with knowing I will always have to improve. Being calm is going to require prayer, action, forgiveness and patience.
Proverbs has always been my favorite book in God's word. Maybe it's because I like simple instruction or maybe it's my love for one-line quotes in general. Either way, if you have ever read through Proverbs, you get the idea that wise people keep their cool and fools don't. Fools are hot-tempered, they are quick to judge, they are quick to comment and I get the feeling the only thing they don't do quickly is think.
Proverbs also mentions, multiple times, how awful living with a quarrelsome wife is. The most horrifying comparison is in Proverbs 12:4 "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones". I couldn't imagine being the cause of my husbands bones rotting!
Proverbs is the reason I strive to be a calm wife. Who would want to be a fool or be known as quarrelsome? Why would I, as someone who believes the Bible as truth, knowingly be something that I know is against its words? And I don't want to be the kind of woman who marries her favorite person only to be a constant annoyance to him... or worse, a slow decay on his soul.
Psalm 46:10 has solidified my goals in being a calm woman when it says "be still and know that I am God". I can't be still if I am not calm. I long for the kind of peace that comes with being still and knowing God and to experience a life with the simplicity of that statement. I strive to walk in wisdom, live in peace, being calm and living simply and being a blessing to my husband and those around me.
Proverbs was the beginning, but being calm is more than just reading about it. I am by no means an expert and I hope to never lose the humility that comes with knowing I will always have to improve. Being calm is going to require prayer, action, forgiveness and patience.
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