The profile is approved. The home study is ready. All of the i's have been dotted, t's are crossed, and multiple people have looked over everything with a fine tooth comb.
And now we wait.
On our end, things will change drastically. Our agency will go almost completely silent, we have nothing to do but participate in the recommended webinars and read the recommended books. Suddenly, instead of doing everything we can to get adoption stuff done, all we can do is think constantly about adoption without the release of having a to-do list.
It's a unique kind of wait, and some couples have waited for much longer than Jim and I did with Josiah. By asking for our profile statistics, we knew last time that we were being shown to approximately 15 potential birth mothers a month. That was 15 times a month someone looked at our profile and decided someone else was a better choice. It was there choice, and each woman or family has their own set of guidelines that we just didn't fit into. But knowing that behind the scenes we were being rejected 15 times a month wore on our hearts. The longer we waited the more we wondered if there was something seriously and obviously wrong with us that all of these people decided against us.
We know better than that, because we were chosen for a circumstance better than we could have imagined-- have you met our kid? Have you seen the birth pictures? Pretty amazing. God, in His infinite wisdom can pull out some pretty amazing stories after a long wait.
Though I can't speak for anyone on the other side or in the agency, while we wait and pray and hope that the right situation comes along a second time, everyone else will hopefully be rather busy.
Our agency looks at all of our preferences set by our profile and all of the preferences a potential birth mother has set and determines if we would be a good match. Once they have a list of potential adoptive parents that match her requirements, she is handed a pile of profiles to look through. She is then tasked with the almost impossible decision of choosing a family for a child based on 10 or fewer pages.
She will look over these profiles and do the required things of her-- medical visits, a questionaire about medical history, etc., and prepare to call the family she has chosen.
The agency doesn't only show us to potential birth mothers as they walk in, but they maintain our website and advertise their agency (through profiles like ours) at hospitals, women's resource centers, etc. They are constantly trying to get the word out and advertise us.
So while we twiddle our thumbs and wonder and worry, everyone else is working hard.
Then one glorious day, the right woman or family will open up our gray and mint green profile and see our smiling faces. They will read that we like music, that we are athletic, that we love dogs, and they will believe we are the right fit. We may not be aware of this decision for days or weeks after as the agency makes sure everything checks out, but then we'll get the call.
In a rare instance, we may get a call in the middle of the night saying there is a baby or woman ready to have a baby that has chosen us and we need to move NOW.
Either way, my phone is now a permanent fixture attached to me until that call is made, even if it doesn't happen soon.
Towards the end of our first wait, I was becoming a pretty sad and desperate person. This time, while my heart desires another child (maybe a girl? Though, another boy would be equally awesome), I can look at the little boy I love with all my heart and remember that God gave me this amazing little boy to raise, whether he gets a sibling or not.
And so, we wait.
Saturday, February 18, 2017
Friday, February 10, 2017
The Profile
Note: This past Monday, we were alerted that our online profile would be featured on Lifetime Adoptions Facebook page. This seemed rather early to me, since we hadn't even had our printed profile approved, but we were still excited. I watched the website like crazy the next few days, seeing what the reaction I should expect to be.
Friends, most profiles featured had maybe 20 likes and a handful of shares. The most in recent history that I saw was 38.
Last I checked... our profile had been shown over 80 times. If every person who shared has 100 friends, our profile was exposed to 800 people. These people may not need an adoption plan, but they might be related to someone, or know someone. Any one of those 800 people might be in touch with the future mother to our son. Guys. Seriously. You are awesome. In the past couple of years I have felt more love and encouragement than I have most of my life, as I experience an entire community of people cheer for us and continually pull through.
Now on to what the post is about... the profile.
In the case of domestic infant adoption, a profile is usually created. We have been with two agencies, both with similar but completely different requirements for their profile (what I mean to say is, the requirements were so close to being the same but just different enough that we had to do everything all over the second time, there was very little overlap).
Most national agencies give you the opportunity for an online profile, a video for that online profile and a printed profile. This profile is absolutely essential because it shows mothers or couples considering an adoption plan who you are and that you are the right couple for them. Essentially, you are given a dozen or so paragraphs to explain your life in such a way that is honest, makes you unique and makes you appealing enough that someone trusts you with their child. No pressure or anything, right?
For our first agency, we were required to send in over 150 photos (let me repeat that ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY PHOTOS) of us doing things, us together, our home, our town, our dogs, our interests, etc. We had to answer a lot of questions about ourselves, which is fun when you are doing an online quiz but daunting when you realize what you write determines who chooses you in the future.
They then sent us a video camera and had us interview ourselves as well as a couple of family friends and family members. Let me tell you what, this was the hardest thing in the world for us! We couldn't get through introducing ourselves without giggling, I couldn't look directly at the camera for some unknown reason and Jim couldn't think of what to say half the time. It was rough. But we sent the footage (and the camera) back and they edited it so we looked half way decent in it.
Then they took all of our information, made a profile for us both online and printed, and started showing that to mothers or couples whose preferences we matched and vice versa.
With our current agency, we had to do more of the leg work. I made our video using pictures and short clips of our daily life, some royalty free background music, audacity (a free audio editing software) and windows movie maker. We were more prepared to look at the camera, so it wasn't quite so difficult. Though, there were plenty of "blooper reel" worthy moments this go around, too.
We made our online profile by filling out a limited number of "paragraphs" that could only add up to a certain number of words, and sending in pictures that represented each paragraph.
The paragraphs we used were; Our interests, Kristin about Jim, Jim about Kristin, Our Son, Why Adoption, The Education We Will Provide, Our Promise To You, etc.
This is a fun but really intimidating part of adoption. You are selling yourself. You want to be honest but present yourself in the best light so you can be chosen faster. But the truth is, it doesn't matter how hard you work on it, you will be chosen by the right birth mother at the right time.
I often think about the receiving end of our profile. Women, parents, families considering an adoption plan looking at 4-10 pages of pictures and 700-1500 words about a couple or family and trying to decide which family they are willing to trust this precious life to. I have heard of couples being chosen because of favorite sports teams, the way one of them smiles, etc. Josiah's birth mother mentioned a few things on our profile that drew her to us-- that we were hoping to home school, they we were in a good marriage and that she had a feeling about us.
It's intimidating to know that one phrase or word could make or break your profile. The fact that one of our dogs is a German Shepherd may be the reason we aren't chosen-- or it might be the reason we are. So we just have to be honest about our lives and hope that someone out there sees a potential home in our family for a child they aren't in a position to raise.
If you are considering adoption, let me give you a little random advice. Start taking pictures NOW of you doing things with your spouse, with others, etc. And don't smile at the camera, look like you are doing the thing. You need a lot of them, so start early!
Friends, most profiles featured had maybe 20 likes and a handful of shares. The most in recent history that I saw was 38.
Last I checked... our profile had been shown over 80 times. If every person who shared has 100 friends, our profile was exposed to 800 people. These people may not need an adoption plan, but they might be related to someone, or know someone. Any one of those 800 people might be in touch with the future mother to our son. Guys. Seriously. You are awesome. In the past couple of years I have felt more love and encouragement than I have most of my life, as I experience an entire community of people cheer for us and continually pull through.
Now on to what the post is about... the profile.
In the case of domestic infant adoption, a profile is usually created. We have been with two agencies, both with similar but completely different requirements for their profile (what I mean to say is, the requirements were so close to being the same but just different enough that we had to do everything all over the second time, there was very little overlap).
Most national agencies give you the opportunity for an online profile, a video for that online profile and a printed profile. This profile is absolutely essential because it shows mothers or couples considering an adoption plan who you are and that you are the right couple for them. Essentially, you are given a dozen or so paragraphs to explain your life in such a way that is honest, makes you unique and makes you appealing enough that someone trusts you with their child. No pressure or anything, right?
For our first agency, we were required to send in over 150 photos (let me repeat that ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY PHOTOS) of us doing things, us together, our home, our town, our dogs, our interests, etc. We had to answer a lot of questions about ourselves, which is fun when you are doing an online quiz but daunting when you realize what you write determines who chooses you in the future.
They then sent us a video camera and had us interview ourselves as well as a couple of family friends and family members. Let me tell you what, this was the hardest thing in the world for us! We couldn't get through introducing ourselves without giggling, I couldn't look directly at the camera for some unknown reason and Jim couldn't think of what to say half the time. It was rough. But we sent the footage (and the camera) back and they edited it so we looked half way decent in it.
Then they took all of our information, made a profile for us both online and printed, and started showing that to mothers or couples whose preferences we matched and vice versa.
With our current agency, we had to do more of the leg work. I made our video using pictures and short clips of our daily life, some royalty free background music, audacity (a free audio editing software) and windows movie maker. We were more prepared to look at the camera, so it wasn't quite so difficult. Though, there were plenty of "blooper reel" worthy moments this go around, too.
We made our online profile by filling out a limited number of "paragraphs" that could only add up to a certain number of words, and sending in pictures that represented each paragraph.
The paragraphs we used were; Our interests, Kristin about Jim, Jim about Kristin, Our Son, Why Adoption, The Education We Will Provide, Our Promise To You, etc.
This is a fun but really intimidating part of adoption. You are selling yourself. You want to be honest but present yourself in the best light so you can be chosen faster. But the truth is, it doesn't matter how hard you work on it, you will be chosen by the right birth mother at the right time.
I often think about the receiving end of our profile. Women, parents, families considering an adoption plan looking at 4-10 pages of pictures and 700-1500 words about a couple or family and trying to decide which family they are willing to trust this precious life to. I have heard of couples being chosen because of favorite sports teams, the way one of them smiles, etc. Josiah's birth mother mentioned a few things on our profile that drew her to us-- that we were hoping to home school, they we were in a good marriage and that she had a feeling about us.
It's intimidating to know that one phrase or word could make or break your profile. The fact that one of our dogs is a German Shepherd may be the reason we aren't chosen-- or it might be the reason we are. So we just have to be honest about our lives and hope that someone out there sees a potential home in our family for a child they aren't in a position to raise.
If you are considering adoption, let me give you a little random advice. Start taking pictures NOW of you doing things with your spouse, with others, etc. And don't smile at the camera, look like you are doing the thing. You need a lot of them, so start early!
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