God doesn't owe me anything because I might not be able to have my own biological children.
Women who are trying to decide if they should make an adoption plan for their unborn children don't owe me anything because I wasn't dealt a "fertile" card.
I am not a victim of some unfair circumstance.
It felt like it, at one point. It felt like God needed to provide me children, because His word said to go forth and multiply and we weren't multiplying. It felt like women who "shouldn't" have kids did and I, as a responsible adult, was being treated unfairly.
And I was right-- I'm being treated unfairly.
I live in an unfair world. So unfair that a perfect man, who was also God, left his throne in Heaven to live on earth during a time without running water and modern convenience to teach and love people who were, frankly, terrible in comparison. So unfair that this man had to give up His life so that they could be forgiven for their sins.
I live in an unfair world. So unfair that even after sending His only son to earth to die for the sins of His people, the God of the universe also listens to me and calls me His daughter. So unfair that He gives me blessings that I sometimes don't even notice. Where He knows the number of hairs on my head, even though I am so incredibly small and one of so many.
I have been treated unfairly my whole life. The wages of sin are death and I'm still alive with eternal life ahead of me.
And life will continue to be unfair. Maybe someday (maybe someday soon), I will be blessed with a child that needs a stable home. It's not fair that that child will have to live with such a sticky start to life. But it is my prayer that he or she will also experience the incredible unfairness of God's saving grace.
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
An Announcement
Most people who read this blog are aware of our situation already, but I thought it would be best to make it blog official, just in case someone important was accidentally left out of the loop.
Jim and I are going to become parents! Not in the traditional, "I peed on a stick and guess what?" kind of way, but through a domestic infant adoption. We are very excited, very scared, a little sick to our stomachs, but mostly excited. We are on the way to welcoming home a son or daughter! I can't even type that without a smile on my face-- son or daughter. My son or daughter. Jim's son or daughter. Jim is going to be a dad. Jim, who can't stop talking about every cute kid we see is going to have his own kid. Me, who knows next to nothing about babies-- I'm going to be a mom. My dad is going to be a grandpa.
So far, we have received nothing but support from those we have told, which I have to admit is a great feeling. I'm sure some hesitation and judgment will come once we start fundraising, but we'll meet that problem when we get to it. Unfortunately, this part of the adoption process is going to be essential for us to not start our lives as a family out in major debt. Adoption, it turns out, costs a lot. And as you may have guessed, even financially sound 27 year old's don't have that kind of savings just lying around.
I have a lot of thoughts about this new chapter in our life and this post would be far too long if I dove in with everything. Just because I feel overwhelmed doesn't meant you have to just by reading my blog. So, I thought I would take this post to answer a few questions that may have popped into concerned minds.
WHY ADOPT?
A few weeks ago, Jim and I sat in sterile-smelling waiting room surrounded by bulging bellies and newborns. We met with a doctor who gave us test orders that would possibly determine what the problem might be. We read the prices of just the initial tests, we took in the length of the process, the awkwardness and the possibility of investing much of our time, energy, finances and life in general into "infertility" if we chose to go that route. Instead, we decided to invest all of those things into a situation where someone else needs us-- a birthmother and a baby.
Adoption has always been a topic of conversation for us, since I was 14 and we started dating. Back in dating-land, where I pictured myself wearing a perfect white summer dress serving lemonade to my husband in a beautifully manicured back lawn while our daughter played on her pink play set near by, adoption was welcomed but didn't seem a reality. From 14 and the images of the white summer dress to the day I actually wore a beautiful white dress and said "I do" to Jim, I never once thought having a child would be a problem for us. My family has, to my knowledge, never had "fertility problems".
But it obviously became more of a reality as the years went by of "not, not trying" and more of a desired reality through the year of ovulation predictor kids, charting temperatures and devastation every month.
All of that to say we chose to adopt for a lot of reasons. We want to be parents, we want to be an option for a birth-mother and we want to give a life to a child who needs it. We feel adoption is a representation of God's love for us, as we are adopted into His family (though our adoption is much more amazing... He loves us even though He knows the sins we've committed and all of the sins we are going to commit. And His home is perfect.).
WHY NOW?
That's a question I've asked myself, too, as I look at our finances. Without help, this will not be possible. Which is scary. I have never been in a position to ask for financial help. We have always been able to afford what we needed and saved for what we wanted. We have always had a savings account that was well stocked and we've always tried to be good with our money. But this expense is something we could have never prepared for and would take years to save up for, and even then, might have surprise expenses we didn't account for.
There are a few reasons that we feel now is the best time. First, we feel called to move now. God has always been pretty obvious with me (I think I'm a bit dense) and we feel strongly that God is pointing the way and saying "go".
Second, we are in a place in our marriage and lives that is welcoming to change. Our bosses are extremely supportive of the changes that can take place at a moments notice. Our marriage is as strong as ever, if not more so after a rough year of trying to conceive. We are established in our community, in who we are as people. We aren't ready for kids (I don't think I ever will be, not until it's a few years after the kid has been here) but we feel as ready as we'll ever be.
Third, as silly as this may sound to some of you, we don't want to be "old" parents. I'm not saying if you had your children in your 30s you are old parents, but you have to understand where Jim and I are coming from. My mom was 40 when I entered the world. My dad had a bad back, my mom was falling apart physically. We never played together, never went camping, etc. I would never trade my childhood as my parents were incredible, BUT... I would like to be an active mother who can play with her child. I can do that now. Who knows when that will change.
WHAT KIND OF ADOPTION ARE YOU DOING?
We are seeking a mostly-open domestic infant adoption. Domestic means stateside, infant means at birth or soon after. We have chosen these because the difficulty surrounding international infant adoption, the travel involved, and the possible culture change difficulties of bringing a child home from another country. We chose infant because we don't feel equipped to be parents of someone who has a history... we don't feel confident enough as new parents to dive into that situation yet.
Open adoption is the adoption type of choice today. It has a lot of different definitions and can mean different things to different adoption situations. A semi-open adoption can mean anything from sending the agency pictures and a letter twice a year and meeting and talking with the birth mother before the birt to more frequent meetings and more contact. The more open an adoption becomes, the more access we as adoptive parents and our child will have to his or her history. We are hoping to find ourselves in a situation where we can be mostly open with the birth family of the child. We plan on telling our child from very early on that part of their story is adoption and we want them to have all of the information so they can process it, grieve it, and hopefully live a full and wonderful life without some of the painful questioning and trauma presented in adoption situations. We hope to have email open, phone contact, letters, pictures, etc. from both sides. It gives our kid more people in her corner rooting her on. For those in the know about open adoptions, we are still unsure about face-to-face visits and in a perfect world we would let the child decide when they are older instead of making a plan when they are young.
WHERE ARE YOU AT IN THE PROCESS?
Adoption is a process. Wow. We are actually well on our way though through the first few stages. We have been fingerprinted, had physicals, lots of paperwork and have had references started. We meet with our home study provider on Friday at our home so she can determine how our home will work for a baby. After that, we have a teleconference with our adoption agency to go over our adoption needs and requirements, and then we start an online profile with pictures and text about our life, who we are, why we want to adopt and how we will parent. After that, we do a video profile and become "active", at which point we sit back and wait for a birth mother or birth family to choose us as the people who will raise the child brought into the world.
I have a lot of thoughts on this (as one usually does when they make huge life decisions), but I will leave it at this for now.
Jim and I are going to become parents! Not in the traditional, "I peed on a stick and guess what?" kind of way, but through a domestic infant adoption. We are very excited, very scared, a little sick to our stomachs, but mostly excited. We are on the way to welcoming home a son or daughter! I can't even type that without a smile on my face-- son or daughter. My son or daughter. Jim's son or daughter. Jim is going to be a dad. Jim, who can't stop talking about every cute kid we see is going to have his own kid. Me, who knows next to nothing about babies-- I'm going to be a mom. My dad is going to be a grandpa.
So far, we have received nothing but support from those we have told, which I have to admit is a great feeling. I'm sure some hesitation and judgment will come once we start fundraising, but we'll meet that problem when we get to it. Unfortunately, this part of the adoption process is going to be essential for us to not start our lives as a family out in major debt. Adoption, it turns out, costs a lot. And as you may have guessed, even financially sound 27 year old's don't have that kind of savings just lying around.
I have a lot of thoughts about this new chapter in our life and this post would be far too long if I dove in with everything. Just because I feel overwhelmed doesn't meant you have to just by reading my blog. So, I thought I would take this post to answer a few questions that may have popped into concerned minds.
WHY ADOPT?
A few weeks ago, Jim and I sat in sterile-smelling waiting room surrounded by bulging bellies and newborns. We met with a doctor who gave us test orders that would possibly determine what the problem might be. We read the prices of just the initial tests, we took in the length of the process, the awkwardness and the possibility of investing much of our time, energy, finances and life in general into "infertility" if we chose to go that route. Instead, we decided to invest all of those things into a situation where someone else needs us-- a birthmother and a baby.
Adoption has always been a topic of conversation for us, since I was 14 and we started dating. Back in dating-land, where I pictured myself wearing a perfect white summer dress serving lemonade to my husband in a beautifully manicured back lawn while our daughter played on her pink play set near by, adoption was welcomed but didn't seem a reality. From 14 and the images of the white summer dress to the day I actually wore a beautiful white dress and said "I do" to Jim, I never once thought having a child would be a problem for us. My family has, to my knowledge, never had "fertility problems".
But it obviously became more of a reality as the years went by of "not, not trying" and more of a desired reality through the year of ovulation predictor kids, charting temperatures and devastation every month.
All of that to say we chose to adopt for a lot of reasons. We want to be parents, we want to be an option for a birth-mother and we want to give a life to a child who needs it. We feel adoption is a representation of God's love for us, as we are adopted into His family (though our adoption is much more amazing... He loves us even though He knows the sins we've committed and all of the sins we are going to commit. And His home is perfect.).
WHY NOW?
That's a question I've asked myself, too, as I look at our finances. Without help, this will not be possible. Which is scary. I have never been in a position to ask for financial help. We have always been able to afford what we needed and saved for what we wanted. We have always had a savings account that was well stocked and we've always tried to be good with our money. But this expense is something we could have never prepared for and would take years to save up for, and even then, might have surprise expenses we didn't account for.
There are a few reasons that we feel now is the best time. First, we feel called to move now. God has always been pretty obvious with me (I think I'm a bit dense) and we feel strongly that God is pointing the way and saying "go".
Second, we are in a place in our marriage and lives that is welcoming to change. Our bosses are extremely supportive of the changes that can take place at a moments notice. Our marriage is as strong as ever, if not more so after a rough year of trying to conceive. We are established in our community, in who we are as people. We aren't ready for kids (I don't think I ever will be, not until it's a few years after the kid has been here) but we feel as ready as we'll ever be.
Third, as silly as this may sound to some of you, we don't want to be "old" parents. I'm not saying if you had your children in your 30s you are old parents, but you have to understand where Jim and I are coming from. My mom was 40 when I entered the world. My dad had a bad back, my mom was falling apart physically. We never played together, never went camping, etc. I would never trade my childhood as my parents were incredible, BUT... I would like to be an active mother who can play with her child. I can do that now. Who knows when that will change.
WHAT KIND OF ADOPTION ARE YOU DOING?
We are seeking a mostly-open domestic infant adoption. Domestic means stateside, infant means at birth or soon after. We have chosen these because the difficulty surrounding international infant adoption, the travel involved, and the possible culture change difficulties of bringing a child home from another country. We chose infant because we don't feel equipped to be parents of someone who has a history... we don't feel confident enough as new parents to dive into that situation yet.
Open adoption is the adoption type of choice today. It has a lot of different definitions and can mean different things to different adoption situations. A semi-open adoption can mean anything from sending the agency pictures and a letter twice a year and meeting and talking with the birth mother before the birt to more frequent meetings and more contact. The more open an adoption becomes, the more access we as adoptive parents and our child will have to his or her history. We are hoping to find ourselves in a situation where we can be mostly open with the birth family of the child. We plan on telling our child from very early on that part of their story is adoption and we want them to have all of the information so they can process it, grieve it, and hopefully live a full and wonderful life without some of the painful questioning and trauma presented in adoption situations. We hope to have email open, phone contact, letters, pictures, etc. from both sides. It gives our kid more people in her corner rooting her on. For those in the know about open adoptions, we are still unsure about face-to-face visits and in a perfect world we would let the child decide when they are older instead of making a plan when they are young.
WHERE ARE YOU AT IN THE PROCESS?
Adoption is a process. Wow. We are actually well on our way though through the first few stages. We have been fingerprinted, had physicals, lots of paperwork and have had references started. We meet with our home study provider on Friday at our home so she can determine how our home will work for a baby. After that, we have a teleconference with our adoption agency to go over our adoption needs and requirements, and then we start an online profile with pictures and text about our life, who we are, why we want to adopt and how we will parent. After that, we do a video profile and become "active", at which point we sit back and wait for a birth mother or birth family to choose us as the people who will raise the child brought into the world.
I have a lot of thoughts on this (as one usually does when they make huge life decisions), but I will leave it at this for now.
Saturday, November 15, 2014
Smiles
There are seasons in my life where I need to be reminded of things that make me smile. It's not like I'm particularly unhappy, it is just a season when some issue is at the forefront of my mind and thinking happy thoughts is a good distraction. So, instead of discussing things that most blog readers wouldn't care to read about anyway (I'm sure none of you are particularly interested in the inner workings of female reproductive system or why mine seems to be broken), I thought I would list a few things that just make me smile.
1. Jim. He's all that and a bag of gluten free, kosher, black bean tortilla chips. That blue-eyed, black-haired gentleman of a man can hold my hand any time of day and it will make me smile.
2. My dogs. Currently all laying at my feet. David, with this goofy, tongue lolling out the side of his mouse smile and singing along with his favorite songs. The little puppies, cuddling on my lap at every opportunity and going bug eyed when someone brings pizza into the house.
3. Quinoa. Funny sounding food that makes you sound like a gourmet chef if you use it.
4. Playing clarinet really, really fast. It's just awesome. It was particularly awesome in college, when I reserved my best chromatic scale runs for when the professors were showing a new music student around the practice rooms. I was showboating. Not something I'm proud of, not something I do often. But it was fun back then!
5. Tea in MY mug. The biggest mug I've ever owned, and purchased by my best friend.
6. Obnoxiously bright running shoes.
7. Running in general. I have gotten into a ridiculous and probably embarrassing habit of throwing my arms up and smiling as I turn in at my house. I never regret a run.
8. Finding a cool food find. I get a strange high from discovering Kefir cheese at the grocery store (locals, buy it, it's like sour cream but better) or ordering rolled outs in bulk.
9. Being mistaken for a high schooler. It might be because of my chlorine allergy breaking my face out more than I would like, but I'm taking it as a compliment that at 27 people still think I'm late for class.
10. Good smells. Seriously, give me something that smells like a peach and I will sniff and smile for hours.
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1. Jim. He's all that and a bag of gluten free, kosher, black bean tortilla chips. That blue-eyed, black-haired gentleman of a man can hold my hand any time of day and it will make me smile.
2. My dogs. Currently all laying at my feet. David, with this goofy, tongue lolling out the side of his mouse smile and singing along with his favorite songs. The little puppies, cuddling on my lap at every opportunity and going bug eyed when someone brings pizza into the house.
4. Playing clarinet really, really fast. It's just awesome. It was particularly awesome in college, when I reserved my best chromatic scale runs for when the professors were showing a new music student around the practice rooms. I was showboating. Not something I'm proud of, not something I do often. But it was fun back then!
5. Tea in MY mug. The biggest mug I've ever owned, and purchased by my best friend.
6. Obnoxiously bright running shoes.
7. Running in general. I have gotten into a ridiculous and probably embarrassing habit of throwing my arms up and smiling as I turn in at my house. I never regret a run.
8. Finding a cool food find. I get a strange high from discovering Kefir cheese at the grocery store (locals, buy it, it's like sour cream but better) or ordering rolled outs in bulk.
9. Being mistaken for a high schooler. It might be because of my chlorine allergy breaking my face out more than I would like, but I'm taking it as a compliment that at 27 people still think I'm late for class.
10. Good smells. Seriously, give me something that smells like a peach and I will sniff and smile for hours.
Thursday, October 16, 2014
My Elderly
I was always aware of my parents being older. Going around the third grade lunch table, we shared the ages of our parents regularly. At the time, I was struggling with some dyslexia, and often reported my mom being 84 (she was 48) and would get the appropriate gasps at her age. Even when I did get her age right, there were gasps of disbelief. It continued throughout school, with recurring announcements that my "grandparents" were there to pick me up, which always ended with a bit of disappointment. In middle school, a friend and I did the math and realized her father was 6 months younger than my older brother. Her father. This later resulted in finding her grandmother to be a couple of years younger than my mom.
Much like my wedding day, instead of feeling thrilled or nervous about my parents living in the same town as we do, I look forward to moving ahead with my calling. I feel a tremendous peace about the possibility of caring for my parents as they age and pass away. I feel it will be my honor to care for them and when the time comes (again, hopefully years and years down the road) when there will only be one left, I feel it will be my duty and privilege to care for the remaining parent. I think taking care of aging parents shouldn't be taken lightly-- they are "my" elderly, after all, so they are "my" responsibility.
Their age never bothered me, though. Sure, it made me a bit awkward around my peers. I said "howdy" instead of "hi", I preferred to drink my chocolate milk belly up to the bar at the campground near our llama farm while my mom played cribbage with another patron and I watched the daily news and commented on the weather like any respectable 50 year old would. I was up before the sun and to bed soon after it had set.
There were pros to having older parents, though. While my mom was consistently nervous about everything, my parents also knew how to handle everything. I didn't worry when the power went out, when the flood washed out the aforementioned campground, when my dad ran over his foot with the lawn mower. My parents just handled things. It was a pretty calm, quiet environment. My parents were a bit "hands off", as was their generation typically, providing me with what I needed to succeed, but having to do it myself taught me self-discipline and let me develop my personality without being forced.
I bring up my aging parents because soon they will also be my neighbors. My dad, who is now at retirement age, is in communication with a company that builds log cabins. In a couple of weeks, Jim and I will look at some of the cabins this company has made to start the process of designing my parents dream retirement home. Actually, it's a combination of their dream retirement home and our dream home, as we will be inheriting it (hopefully years and years down the road).
Much like my wedding day, instead of feeling thrilled or nervous about my parents living in the same town as we do, I look forward to moving ahead with my calling. I feel a tremendous peace about the possibility of caring for my parents as they age and pass away. I feel it will be my honor to care for them and when the time comes (again, hopefully years and years down the road) when there will only be one left, I feel it will be my duty and privilege to care for the remaining parent. I think taking care of aging parents shouldn't be taken lightly-- they are "my" elderly, after all, so they are "my" responsibility.
I am in an interesting place in my life-- I wait impatiently for new life in hoping for a child of my own as I also prepare to care for those with lives well lived. I often find myself thinking about the beginning and end of life, while I myself live (Lord willing) somewhere in the middle.
While we continue to pray for a child of our own and a grandbaby to help make the transition to Nebraska living more fun, I have started directing my prayers more towards an easy transition and a good retired life in Nebraska for the people who are responsible for "all of this" (*I pointed at myself while doing that and put on a winning smile, in case you were wondering). I pray that my dad's cancer will be healed (we'll be finding out today or tomorrow what the chances of that are) and my mom will get healthier with me encouraging her to eat better and get daily exercise. I pray I can be a blessing to my parents while also keeping my husband as the top priority of my earthly life.
Sunday, August 17, 2014
The Random Race-- Be There
The focus of this blog is living intentionally. I have a few posts coming up on living in a community, fair trade purchases, recycling, scheduling, all the things that I like to talk about that are applicable to the theme of "intentional". There was, however, no intention behind what happened on Saturday and it was exactly the kind of random I enjoy in life.Jim loves the 100 Merridian Century Ride that starts in Cozad, NE and has done it every year for the past few years. This was my first year driving along to support him. I had planned on dropping him off, doing a long, slow run through Cozad, showering at their gym and then lazing through farmer's markets and coffee shops, meeting Jim in a few spots along his ride.
Confusion on the starting location had us asking the race directors of a local 5K/10K event where to go. The foot race started a half hour after Jim got started. I figured it was a couple of miles shorter than my intended distance, but at least I wouldn't get lost and could get some water at the end. So, after seeing Jim off, I signed up for the foot race. Having done a speed workout the day before, I thought I would just fun for fun.
A beautiful speech was given about a man named Claud Sr., a man who passed away last fall and his sons were dedicating the race to him. For some reason, I ran hard for him, praying for his family who obviously still mourned the loss, and thanking God for this man who had made a deep impact on his community. At almost the turn around point, someone yelled "first girl!". Some unknown sense of competition against the nameless women behind me had me pumping my legs harder. Until the last mile, when I was regretting having ever signed up for the race, but luckily the nameless women didn't have a stronger kick and I wasn't passed.
I was awarded the title of overall female for the 10K. I won a Subway and Running Warehouse gift card and a pair of socks that had "Be There" written on them. Apparently, these were the last words written by the man we were honoring. It was a reminder for him to be at an appointment. The shirts we were given for signing up also had "Be There" written on them.
I felt uncharacteristically emotional at the end of this race. It isn't very often that a mortal runner like me (an average pacer, a not-so-fast-girl) gets a title of any kind during a foot race. I have won overall female once before, in a race of 10 or so people, and various age group wins in other small events, but this was completely unexpected and I felt such a connection to the people of this town I had never been to.
The words "Be There" resignated with me throughout the day. When I was done running, I didn't even get water right away, instead I cheered for the runners behind me. I was living completely in that moment, taking it all in. I then meandered to the water station and talked to the people of the race, just being present. Unlike my normal self, I walked up to complete strangers with a "I'm Kristin, from Ogallala". I met Mike, a man who recently retired and was disappointed that for the first time ever he had to walk during part of the race. I met another man who never said his name but had lost 50 pounds since February, when he married a vegan and started running. I talked to one gentleman who had been considering a marathon, and bragged about my best friend who has already done that and told him I hoped to someday join her.
The rest of the day, the words "be there" popped into my head. At the coffee shop where I got my cold chai latte, I spoke with the man in line ahead of me and bought his expresso when he didn't have quite enough change. He was a trucker from LA who loved tennis.
I thought of it as I stopped at a park in downtown Gothenburg and took in the beautiful fountain in the center and listened to the shrieking of a girl birthday part a few yards away.
I always want to "be there". Living life intentionally, even when you make random decisions like deciding to join a 10K race fifteen minutes before it's start time, is all about being there. The race was a beautiful representation of how I want to live my life-- being there to remember the past, being there to run the race of the moment, and being there to look forward to the future. Just being present, making memories and experiencing things.
So I guess, the main point of this post is, I hope you will consider "Being There" for your life, too.
Confusion on the starting location had us asking the race directors of a local 5K/10K event where to go. The foot race started a half hour after Jim got started. I figured it was a couple of miles shorter than my intended distance, but at least I wouldn't get lost and could get some water at the end. So, after seeing Jim off, I signed up for the foot race. Having done a speed workout the day before, I thought I would just fun for fun.
A beautiful speech was given about a man named Claud Sr., a man who passed away last fall and his sons were dedicating the race to him. For some reason, I ran hard for him, praying for his family who obviously still mourned the loss, and thanking God for this man who had made a deep impact on his community. At almost the turn around point, someone yelled "first girl!". Some unknown sense of competition against the nameless women behind me had me pumping my legs harder. Until the last mile, when I was regretting having ever signed up for the race, but luckily the nameless women didn't have a stronger kick and I wasn't passed.
I was awarded the title of overall female for the 10K. I won a Subway and Running Warehouse gift card and a pair of socks that had "Be There" written on them. Apparently, these were the last words written by the man we were honoring. It was a reminder for him to be at an appointment. The shirts we were given for signing up also had "Be There" written on them.
I felt uncharacteristically emotional at the end of this race. It isn't very often that a mortal runner like me (an average pacer, a not-so-fast-girl) gets a title of any kind during a foot race. I have won overall female once before, in a race of 10 or so people, and various age group wins in other small events, but this was completely unexpected and I felt such a connection to the people of this town I had never been to.
The words "Be There" resignated with me throughout the day. When I was done running, I didn't even get water right away, instead I cheered for the runners behind me. I was living completely in that moment, taking it all in. I then meandered to the water station and talked to the people of the race, just being present. Unlike my normal self, I walked up to complete strangers with a "I'm Kristin, from Ogallala". I met Mike, a man who recently retired and was disappointed that for the first time ever he had to walk during part of the race. I met another man who never said his name but had lost 50 pounds since February, when he married a vegan and started running. I talked to one gentleman who had been considering a marathon, and bragged about my best friend who has already done that and told him I hoped to someday join her.
The rest of the day, the words "be there" popped into my head. At the coffee shop where I got my cold chai latte, I spoke with the man in line ahead of me and bought his expresso when he didn't have quite enough change. He was a trucker from LA who loved tennis.
I thought of it as I stopped at a park in downtown Gothenburg and took in the beautiful fountain in the center and listened to the shrieking of a girl birthday part a few yards away.
I always want to "be there". Living life intentionally, even when you make random decisions like deciding to join a 10K race fifteen minutes before it's start time, is all about being there. The race was a beautiful representation of how I want to live my life-- being there to remember the past, being there to run the race of the moment, and being there to look forward to the future. Just being present, making memories and experiencing things.
So I guess, the main point of this post is, I hope you will consider "Being There" for your life, too.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Why Vacations are Important
This past weekend, Jim and I had a quick weekend getaway. It was a lot of fun, and it served a lot of purposes as we head into the fall season. I find that a vacation every six months or so is something that helps me thrive and feel recharged for the months ahead. It isn't essential for me to live, I'm sure I could survive without a vacation, but it certainly helps my outlook in many ways.
First, vacations relieve stress. I work very hard to live a relatively low stress life. I pay bills early, I try to live minimally, I have quiet time every day, I run away worries that come up. Vacations are unique in that they remove me from my daily situation and relieve the small stresses that don't seem like stresses until you are away from them. The list of to-do's I wake up to every morning doesn't exist on vacation. The fact that I don't have to clean the shower I'm about to use, or wash the sheets I just got out of, is liberating. Not that I mind cleaning my house at all (I actually enjoy it a little bit) but the fact that I don't have to and there is nothing I can do about the condition of my house while I'm on vacation, is freeing. I don't have to think about the dogs or what's going on in my town, or plan my day around things that are important at home. I love the important things, but it's nice to step away from them.
Second, vacations make me step out of my comfort zone or at least try new things. My comfort zone has stretched in the past few years, mostly from running, but I love to stretch it further on vacation if I can. Vacationing is a time when I try new foods at local restaurants (like sushi and SOMETHING). Vacationing is a time when I try new things, like staying at anywhere from a campsite to a really fancy hotel. Vacationing is an excuse to try new things in fitness-- like hiking a new mountain in Colorado, running with an ultra-marathon group in Reno, or getting lost on a run in the downtown of two major cities. Vacationing is a time to talk to strangers on the tour bus, talk to a local at the coffee shop (where I try the chai, so I know if they get better chai than I do or not) and learn about the many amazing life paths there are.
Third, vacations are a time to learn. I learn about myself on vacation, because I'm trying so many new things (like, who knew that I would end up loving miso soup had I not eaten at a great sushi place?). I am a researcher, so I familiarize myself with the area before I visit, often learning things I would never have learned otherwise (someday, traveling will help me on jeopardy or something other game show, I just know it). I learn about how other people live, from the people living in mansions to the inner city families.
Fourth, vacations are a great time to spend with my husband. I admit that we tend to spend more than we should while on vacation, but it's mostly because we both take this time to spoil each other. We try to always stop at a Whole Foods if there is one nearby, and we often encourage each other to put things in the cart that normally wouldn't go in at home because we want to treat the other person. We talk in the car and often feel more connected on vacation because, being the only person the other knows, we rely on each other for everything. It's time devoted to not only doing what we want to do individually, but making sure the other person gets to do what they want to, too... and we do it together.
Fifth, vacationing is just fun. I love planning, I love having something to look forward to and I love how great home feels after being away, even for a couple of days. In general, getting away is just an awesome way to experience life and get away from the daily routine every once in a while.
With that, I thought I would share my recent vacation story with you all (that is, if you are still reading at this point). Pictures are included!
I'm going to say that Jim and I started our vacation Friday, even if we were still in Ogallala. We had planned on camping in the Rockies, but rain had us deciding to stay home. So instead, we went to the movies and had a nice date night watching "Guardians of the Galaxy".
On Saturday morning, we left the house early with a backpack full of clothes, a bag of peaches and four pairs of extra shoes lining the floor of the backseat (dress shoes made up two pair. And I had two pair of running shoes with me... don't judge). I slept almost the entire way there. When we arrived, we went to Da Kind Soups and had some awesome flavors like sweet potato spinach. The atmosphere was great and the ladies at the counter were awesome.
We went from there to hike to Maxwell Falls. It's a 5.2 mile round trip hike to, you guessed it, a waterfall. I love hiking and we have a soft spot for being in the woods as it reminds us of our childhood in the Black Hills. It was a crowded hike with a lot of dogs on leashes and kids in carriers, but it was a lot of fun.
We then drove up to Guenella Pass, where Jim had camped with his friend a few weeks ago. We drove to the top and witnessed the Alpine Rescue team sending a chopper out to help a stranded tourist somewhere in the woods.
It was a beautiful drive, but it was longer than we anticipated and we had to hurry back to town do catch our dinner reservation, so we changed in the car. Unfortunately, changing into a fancy Chinese dress is hard in the car, so I had some trouble.
We went to The Bistro at Marshdale in Evergreen, CO for dinner. We were a bit over dressed, but it was fun to be treated like VIPs because we were so fancy. I couldn't pronounce my dinner, but I caved and tried the gluten free salmon pasta dish since I would be racing the next day. The lady was very careful to give me gluten free options the rest of the night, as well, including the chocolate hazelnut mousse I finished with (yum).
We then drove to our "hotel". We stayed at the guest cabin of a wonderful older couple who own a ranch just outside of town. Their home was beautiful and looked out over a beautiful pasture. Our little cabin was adorable. They had two dogs that loved us to death and we met with our hosts before heading to bed on Saturday night. She was a puppeteer for many years and they have traveled the world.
Early Sunday morning, I got ready and got on a bus to go to the starting position of the Evergreen Town 5K race. I was surrounded by around 1000 other athletes. I was kind of intimidated by the high school track kids, but when the race got going, I ignored them and did my own race. I let gravity do the work on the downhill and ticked off every half mile in my head. I ended up with a PR of 22:28 and a 7th in my age group finish.
Because I didn't do anything worthy of a medal, we left the after party pretty quickly, Jim eating the complimentary breakfast burrito I was given.
We left Evergreen and headed to Lakewood, as I had seen some shoes after the race I was interested in trying out. We were too early for the Runners Roost (my all time favorite running store), so we walked around the shopping complex it was in before ultimately buying the shoes I wanted to try, a book written by my running hero (Scott Jurek) and some energy gu's for Jim.
Like any good foodie family, we went to Whole Foods as well. We had a gift certificate we wanted to use up and, because it's Whole Foods, spent about twice as much as the gift certificate. But, it is always fun for us to go there and buy foods you can't get locally. My favorite purchase (aside from their fresh ground peanut butter) was something I won't even be eating but look forward to Jim trying-- bacon flavored chocolate.
After that we went to Kazuko Sushi, because sushi is almost a requirement in big city vacations now. It was good and they had vegetarian options for me (I'm not a full vegetarian, but in sushi restaurants, I find it's safer to say I am). They had a great miso soup and shiitake mushroom rolls.
My request every time we visit a city is frozen yogurt. I don't know why I crave cold and fruity while on vacation, but I do. so, we found a Menchies
Less than 48 hours jam packed with nothing but awesome!
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Buy Intentionally
Our first shopping trip as a married couple consisted of groceries and filling in the marriage present gaps (like garbage bins and a broom... who asks for those on a registry, anyway?) at Wal*Mart. I remember checking out with the overflowing cart and almost crying at the $250 amount I was asked to pay. I had never spent that much on a shopping trip up until that point. Being an adult was going to be hard.Out of necessity, we lived dirt cheap while we lived in Rapid. I fed Jim and I for under $300 a month, often times closer to $200. Our utilities were included in our low rent and we paid for internet, phone and car insurance. We filled one car with gas every week and the other once a month or so. If there was anything leftover (which there usually was) it went to Jim's school loans.
Back then, I didn't care where I bought it, who made it, if it was healthy or unhealthy--as long as it was cheap and usable. Ramen noodles, Mac and Cheese and *shudder* Beefaroni were common in our kitchen. We didn't buy produce because it went bad too quickly (when you buy from a large Wal*Mart, the produce quality is low. Our fridge was never cool enough. And... I was lazy).
When Jim was blessed with his job we were warned that we would definitely spend more money, it came with the territory. And they were right-- our mortgage and utilities are higher than in Rapid. And we have pets now, different interests and we like to eat much better than we did back then. I also don't buy based on sales anymore, but on quality of product (but, if a quality product is one sale, I'm not going to complain about it!).
I have come to believe that knowing what you are buying and from who is very important. Where you spend your money is where you place your support, whether you know it or not. This is why I try to purchase everything I can, from groceries to house stuff, intentionally.
When we can, Jim and I buy local, buy organic/fair trade, buy from companies who treat us well, buy from companies who do things we support and buy products that really work for us.
Local--
As someone who works in a small town, locally owned business, I know the importance of knowing who you buy your products from. If everyone bought their music equipment on-line, I wouldn't have a job. And that would not be cool. As someone who frequents the downtown stores, I also know that if no one bought coffee from the Lampstand or cute clothes from the Clothing Closet, I wouldn't have my favorite coffee shop or clothing store conveniently located because they would also have to close. I would rather give my money to Kendra than the unknown owner of a Starbucks.
Since it applies to almost everything, I will have a little more on local in the sections below.
Organic and fair trade--
This is worth a post by itself so I will keep it brief here. But when making a decision regarding my health, without being a biologist or chemist who knows exactly how my body reacts to chemicals sprayed on food, I choose to play it safe. And without all the facts, fair trade is a better chance that I'm making a compassionate decision.
If I can buy locally grown produce from a garden down the road or honey from bees within an hour of my house, it tastes better and I know the people growing it and can ask them exactly what they used to grow it. I can even make requests for what to grow next year!
Companies that treat us well--
I try to be a pretty nice customer. I don't like to cause a stir and usually let things go. I don't believe I'm always right as a customer at all. But, I do expect you to treat me with the respect you should treat everyone as a fellow human. Rudeness, or in the case of a business that is not to be named, billing, warrant a letter to a manager or higher up from me. I write these letters and have them certified so they know that I know they received the letter. If things are not handled after that letter, you won't receive my business. Local or not. I choose not to support people who treat others poorly.
I'll take this back to buying locally for a second. In a business where you know the owner on a first name basis, you usually get better service, because it's a friend treating a friend right. I walk into our local movie theatre and before I'm to the counter, my favorite drink is made and she's handing my husband cheesy popcorn. I come into the Lampstand and every person behind the counter says "Hi, Kristin!" before getting my favorite beverage. Someone comes into the music store that I know and I greet them by name and do whatever I can to help... or, if I'm being honest, run and get Bob or Luis, because, well, that's what most people want at the store :).
Companies that do things we support--
It's hard to know what companies support without a little research but I like to do it with as many products as possible. When I can, I like to buy clothes from companies like Prana (who uses Fair Trade cotton), Life is Good (with a lot of donations to charities we support), and other companies that give back to the world in one way or another. When I can, I buy Bear Naked granola who has a recycling program with their bags. I appreciate that my car is a Subaru, a car company known for it's "green efficient" plants.
I shop at places in Ogallala that donate to things I believe in all the time. Almost every local business has their hand in 4-H, Boy and Girl Scouts, school stuff, proms, local 5K races, fundraisers, you name it. Easy to feel good knowing that your money can help with things for the kids and people in your community.
Things that work for us--
Sometimes, I find something that is just awesome for me. I love Saucony running shoes. I have looked into their practices as a company but couldn't find a lot good or bad. They aren't an evil company by any means, I just didn't find a lot of things they get involved in that are important to me. They aren't local, they don't use fair trade products. But I can run in them without injury, which is pretty flippin' fantastic.
If I were to find out they were funding something awful like dog fights or something I would have to find another shoe. Luckily, they aren't. So, Saucony it is. They don't fit the mold. I can't buy them locally and I have no reason to feel good about my purchase other than lack of personal injury while running. But that is enough for me!
Sometimes, you gotta do what works for you. Which is why you won't see me judging people who buy non-organic produce or boxed meals or walk out of Wal*Mart. Heck, you will probably see me in there a time or two, even if I do try to avoid it. And you will notice the Ramen Noodles that still end up in my cart (my husband loves them) or that I go to North Platte to do some shopping every now and again. Sometimes, the best decision and the decision we have to make aren't the same thing in our consumer lives and that's okay.
I'll just keep doing my best to buy wisely and I hope y'all do the same.
Back then, I didn't care where I bought it, who made it, if it was healthy or unhealthy--as long as it was cheap and usable. Ramen noodles, Mac and Cheese and *shudder* Beefaroni were common in our kitchen. We didn't buy produce because it went bad too quickly (when you buy from a large Wal*Mart, the produce quality is low. Our fridge was never cool enough. And... I was lazy).
When Jim was blessed with his job we were warned that we would definitely spend more money, it came with the territory. And they were right-- our mortgage and utilities are higher than in Rapid. And we have pets now, different interests and we like to eat much better than we did back then. I also don't buy based on sales anymore, but on quality of product (but, if a quality product is one sale, I'm not going to complain about it!).
I have come to believe that knowing what you are buying and from who is very important. Where you spend your money is where you place your support, whether you know it or not. This is why I try to purchase everything I can, from groceries to house stuff, intentionally.
When we can, Jim and I buy local, buy organic/fair trade, buy from companies who treat us well, buy from companies who do things we support and buy products that really work for us.
Local--
As someone who works in a small town, locally owned business, I know the importance of knowing who you buy your products from. If everyone bought their music equipment on-line, I wouldn't have a job. And that would not be cool. As someone who frequents the downtown stores, I also know that if no one bought coffee from the Lampstand or cute clothes from the Clothing Closet, I wouldn't have my favorite coffee shop or clothing store conveniently located because they would also have to close. I would rather give my money to Kendra than the unknown owner of a Starbucks.
Since it applies to almost everything, I will have a little more on local in the sections below.
Organic and fair trade--
This is worth a post by itself so I will keep it brief here. But when making a decision regarding my health, without being a biologist or chemist who knows exactly how my body reacts to chemicals sprayed on food, I choose to play it safe. And without all the facts, fair trade is a better chance that I'm making a compassionate decision.
If I can buy locally grown produce from a garden down the road or honey from bees within an hour of my house, it tastes better and I know the people growing it and can ask them exactly what they used to grow it. I can even make requests for what to grow next year!
Companies that treat us well--
I try to be a pretty nice customer. I don't like to cause a stir and usually let things go. I don't believe I'm always right as a customer at all. But, I do expect you to treat me with the respect you should treat everyone as a fellow human. Rudeness, or in the case of a business that is not to be named, billing, warrant a letter to a manager or higher up from me. I write these letters and have them certified so they know that I know they received the letter. If things are not handled after that letter, you won't receive my business. Local or not. I choose not to support people who treat others poorly.
I'll take this back to buying locally for a second. In a business where you know the owner on a first name basis, you usually get better service, because it's a friend treating a friend right. I walk into our local movie theatre and before I'm to the counter, my favorite drink is made and she's handing my husband cheesy popcorn. I come into the Lampstand and every person behind the counter says "Hi, Kristin!" before getting my favorite beverage. Someone comes into the music store that I know and I greet them by name and do whatever I can to help... or, if I'm being honest, run and get Bob or Luis, because, well, that's what most people want at the store :).
Companies that do things we support--
It's hard to know what companies support without a little research but I like to do it with as many products as possible. When I can, I like to buy clothes from companies like Prana (who uses Fair Trade cotton), Life is Good (with a lot of donations to charities we support), and other companies that give back to the world in one way or another. When I can, I buy Bear Naked granola who has a recycling program with their bags. I appreciate that my car is a Subaru, a car company known for it's "green efficient" plants.
I shop at places in Ogallala that donate to things I believe in all the time. Almost every local business has their hand in 4-H, Boy and Girl Scouts, school stuff, proms, local 5K races, fundraisers, you name it. Easy to feel good knowing that your money can help with things for the kids and people in your community.
Things that work for us--
Sometimes, I find something that is just awesome for me. I love Saucony running shoes. I have looked into their practices as a company but couldn't find a lot good or bad. They aren't an evil company by any means, I just didn't find a lot of things they get involved in that are important to me. They aren't local, they don't use fair trade products. But I can run in them without injury, which is pretty flippin' fantastic.
If I were to find out they were funding something awful like dog fights or something I would have to find another shoe. Luckily, they aren't. So, Saucony it is. They don't fit the mold. I can't buy them locally and I have no reason to feel good about my purchase other than lack of personal injury while running. But that is enough for me!
Sometimes, you gotta do what works for you. Which is why you won't see me judging people who buy non-organic produce or boxed meals or walk out of Wal*Mart. Heck, you will probably see me in there a time or two, even if I do try to avoid it. And you will notice the Ramen Noodles that still end up in my cart (my husband loves them) or that I go to North Platte to do some shopping every now and again. Sometimes, the best decision and the decision we have to make aren't the same thing in our consumer lives and that's okay.
I'll just keep doing my best to buy wisely and I hope y'all do the same.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Wife-ing
I will admit right away that I am writing this with a bit of an advantage. We all have certain areas of our lives where we struggle and where we thrive. Marriage, thus far, has been a place of "thriving" for me. I am fortunate to have a husband who for some odd reason loves me more than I could possibly deserve and shares the same zeal for a God-glorifying marriage.
I won't say our marriage is perfect, because that would be a lie. I also won't give you the almost mandatory "we have had our struggles", because that isn't the point of this post. For the most part, Jim and I are happy as pie (Jim loves pie), and I would like to share some of our opinions on marriage. Because I can. 'Cause this is my blog.
My husband and I were high school sweethearts and we knew when I was 14 that we would end up married. This gave us ample time to learn everything we could about marriage. So we read. A lot. We made opinions, understanding books and scriptures and talks in one way, and then another. Then, after we were married, our understanding changed again... and again as we got older.
There were a few things that we concluded early on that have always been our opinion from 14 on and I thought I might share those.
1. Love your spouse. Jim loves me unconditionally. I need his love and acceptance more than ever when I am doing something that will need forgiveness. I also need his love when I have just come off of an incredible "wife" day with a clean house, dinner on the table, appointments set and all the good wife things accomplished.
2. Be lovable. This seems to be the one that is forgotten in today's "love" culture. I make Jim's job of loving me unconditionally easier if I am doing things that are lovely. I make mistakes and can be downright unlovable at times, no doubt. However, when these bad times are the exception and not the rule, not only is Jim a happier husband, but I am a better human being in general. Which should kind of be a goal of mine...
3. Respect your spouse. My husband needs me to respect him even when I don't agree with a decision or if he makes a poor decision (a real one, not just one I think is poor). He also needs to know I respect him when he is being Super-Husband, which is pretty much all of the time.
4. Be respectable. Same concept. It makes the respecter have a much easier time when the other person is acting in a respect worthy manner. Love and respect can be built or torn down through continuous actions. I don't know about you, but I would rather be continually building up good things.
5. Make your spouse a top priority. Not "the marriage", not "marriage traditions", not "the family". The actual living, breathing human being you made vows to.
A marriage isn't a third entity in the house that needs work like a leaking faucet.
Traditional values have their place but they aren't the end all. Jim and I have pretty traditional roles-- because it fits us pretty well. But just because I'm the one that does the cleaning and he does the heavy lifting doesn't mean that is how all couples should live.
And while we love our parents and will love our children, Jim will always be a top priority. Jim is more important than any other earthly relationship. Not only for our sake, but for the sake of those around us. Happy couples are better to be around than unhappy.
6. Be cool with change. If we're lucky, we keep growing and changing and learning our whole life. That means, lessons on Jim are never ending for me, because he's always changing. A few years ago, being a good wife to Jim didn't include meal planning during peak cycling season. But now it does. Jim is a constant learning experience!
So there you go. Just a few things that Jim and I believe and they make "us" work. Go spoil your spouse now!
I won't say our marriage is perfect, because that would be a lie. I also won't give you the almost mandatory "we have had our struggles", because that isn't the point of this post. For the most part, Jim and I are happy as pie (Jim loves pie), and I would like to share some of our opinions on marriage. Because I can. 'Cause this is my blog.
My husband and I were high school sweethearts and we knew when I was 14 that we would end up married. This gave us ample time to learn everything we could about marriage. So we read. A lot. We made opinions, understanding books and scriptures and talks in one way, and then another. Then, after we were married, our understanding changed again... and again as we got older.
There were a few things that we concluded early on that have always been our opinion from 14 on and I thought I might share those.
1. Love your spouse. Jim loves me unconditionally. I need his love and acceptance more than ever when I am doing something that will need forgiveness. I also need his love when I have just come off of an incredible "wife" day with a clean house, dinner on the table, appointments set and all the good wife things accomplished.
2. Be lovable. This seems to be the one that is forgotten in today's "love" culture. I make Jim's job of loving me unconditionally easier if I am doing things that are lovely. I make mistakes and can be downright unlovable at times, no doubt. However, when these bad times are the exception and not the rule, not only is Jim a happier husband, but I am a better human being in general. Which should kind of be a goal of mine...
3. Respect your spouse. My husband needs me to respect him even when I don't agree with a decision or if he makes a poor decision (a real one, not just one I think is poor). He also needs to know I respect him when he is being Super-Husband, which is pretty much all of the time.
4. Be respectable. Same concept. It makes the respecter have a much easier time when the other person is acting in a respect worthy manner. Love and respect can be built or torn down through continuous actions. I don't know about you, but I would rather be continually building up good things.
5. Make your spouse a top priority. Not "the marriage", not "marriage traditions", not "the family". The actual living, breathing human being you made vows to.
A marriage isn't a third entity in the house that needs work like a leaking faucet.
Traditional values have their place but they aren't the end all. Jim and I have pretty traditional roles-- because it fits us pretty well. But just because I'm the one that does the cleaning and he does the heavy lifting doesn't mean that is how all couples should live.
And while we love our parents and will love our children, Jim will always be a top priority. Jim is more important than any other earthly relationship. Not only for our sake, but for the sake of those around us. Happy couples are better to be around than unhappy.
6. Be cool with change. If we're lucky, we keep growing and changing and learning our whole life. That means, lessons on Jim are never ending for me, because he's always changing. A few years ago, being a good wife to Jim didn't include meal planning during peak cycling season. But now it does. Jim is a constant learning experience!
So there you go. Just a few things that Jim and I believe and they make "us" work. Go spoil your spouse now!
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Why I Want To Be A Mom
It comes as no surprise to those who know me personally that I would like to be a mom someday and that, thus far, I have not had that particular prayer answered. For many years, I was given a peace about it. I often focused my prayers on other friends who wanted children because, to me, it was so much more important that they got to be parents than me. I've never felt very qualified for the position of "mom", to be honest, and I knew people who were, perhaps, better suited to the task. I also always wanted to celebrate with them more than I wanted to celebrate for me.
I have a lot of knowledge that keeps me from feeling jealous or upset for too long, though I'm human and I'm not always totally peaceful about anything.
I know God has perfect timing. I've seen it in my own life often enough to know that sometimes it doesn't seem perfect until I can look back on it.
I know God has His reasons and I may never know what they are.
I know God works in every life differently, and I can't compare my life to anyone else's. It's hard. I'm not proud when I feel jealous towards a pregnant high school girl.
I know that I'll be okay, even without kids. In the long run, if I die having never been a mother, while mother's would probably fight me on this, I will have still lived a full life if I live it for Him.
None of this changes the fact that I do want to be the mother of my husband's child.
While I have a deep desire to be a mom myself, there are more important reasons for me to pray that I will one day be a mother. My longing is important, and I recognize that, but it's not all about me and what I want.
First and foremost, my husband deserves a chance at being a father. He wants to experience being the husband of a pregnant wife (because he is crazy, apparently). He wants to experience the midnight feedings and diaper changes. He wants to have a little carrier for his bike for a toddler to ride along. He wants to teach them how to be kind to others and to love God. He wants to experience every aspect of fathering. And he'd be so good at it. He is an amazing man. I've been told we are a good couple a few times in the past, and while I beam with pride about it I know it isn't me-- it's mostly him. If I could give Jim one thing in this world it would be to give him a baby with his blue eyes and black hair.
Second, my father. My mom has been a grandmother a few times over, and my dad has become a grandfather by extension. My child would be his first biological grandchild. My dad was quiet as I grew up but I know he would be a spoiling grandparent. As he struggles with bladder cancer and disliking his job, I see the fun-loving man that I know becoming sadder by the day. Oh, the thought of being able to call him and tell him he's going to be a grandpa and picturing his smile, even though his response will most likely be a calm "well, that's nice".
My mom. who has literally raised children her entire life, having me twenty years after her firstborn and then becoming full time babysitter for my niece soon after I got married. I want to give her a grandchild that she can enjoy at short intervals, but hand back at the end of the day. I want to be able to call my mom for advice on things I know nothing about and to let her know every day how important she is to me and to her grandchild (because I'm pretty sure I'm not going to know how to do anything without my mom's help).
There are many others who have sent prayers for us and I would love to give them a reason to put a check in the answered column of their prayer journals. There are others who have joined the ranks of motherhood since we started praying for each other and I would love to be able to have that one more thing in common with them.
Lastly, I want to be a mom for the child I hope is coming. Because that boy or girl will grow up in a family that knows Jesus. He or she will have Jim for a father, my parents as grandparents. And I will be able to surround that baby with some of the most amazing people I know.
Lucky kid. Better hurry and get here.
I have a lot of knowledge that keeps me from feeling jealous or upset for too long, though I'm human and I'm not always totally peaceful about anything.
I know God has perfect timing. I've seen it in my own life often enough to know that sometimes it doesn't seem perfect until I can look back on it.
I know God has His reasons and I may never know what they are.
I know God works in every life differently, and I can't compare my life to anyone else's. It's hard. I'm not proud when I feel jealous towards a pregnant high school girl.
I know that I'll be okay, even without kids. In the long run, if I die having never been a mother, while mother's would probably fight me on this, I will have still lived a full life if I live it for Him.
None of this changes the fact that I do want to be the mother of my husband's child.
While I have a deep desire to be a mom myself, there are more important reasons for me to pray that I will one day be a mother. My longing is important, and I recognize that, but it's not all about me and what I want.
First and foremost, my husband deserves a chance at being a father. He wants to experience being the husband of a pregnant wife (because he is crazy, apparently). He wants to experience the midnight feedings and diaper changes. He wants to have a little carrier for his bike for a toddler to ride along. He wants to teach them how to be kind to others and to love God. He wants to experience every aspect of fathering. And he'd be so good at it. He is an amazing man. I've been told we are a good couple a few times in the past, and while I beam with pride about it I know it isn't me-- it's mostly him. If I could give Jim one thing in this world it would be to give him a baby with his blue eyes and black hair.
Second, my father. My mom has been a grandmother a few times over, and my dad has become a grandfather by extension. My child would be his first biological grandchild. My dad was quiet as I grew up but I know he would be a spoiling grandparent. As he struggles with bladder cancer and disliking his job, I see the fun-loving man that I know becoming sadder by the day. Oh, the thought of being able to call him and tell him he's going to be a grandpa and picturing his smile, even though his response will most likely be a calm "well, that's nice".
My mom. who has literally raised children her entire life, having me twenty years after her firstborn and then becoming full time babysitter for my niece soon after I got married. I want to give her a grandchild that she can enjoy at short intervals, but hand back at the end of the day. I want to be able to call my mom for advice on things I know nothing about and to let her know every day how important she is to me and to her grandchild (because I'm pretty sure I'm not going to know how to do anything without my mom's help).
There are many others who have sent prayers for us and I would love to give them a reason to put a check in the answered column of their prayer journals. There are others who have joined the ranks of motherhood since we started praying for each other and I would love to be able to have that one more thing in common with them.
Lastly, I want to be a mom for the child I hope is coming. Because that boy or girl will grow up in a family that knows Jesus. He or she will have Jim for a father, my parents as grandparents. And I will be able to surround that baby with some of the most amazing people I know.
Lucky kid. Better hurry and get here.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Simple Eating- Homemade Stuff
I've written a few posts in the past about food. They are typically scatterbrained, as I have a lot of opinions on food and it's one of my favorite topics. So I thought I'd break it down and make it easier on myself, and maybe my few readers.
My goal, which has been failing miserably this summer, is to go to the store twice a month (when Jim is in training mode, I end up going a lot for milk and coming home with more than just milk...). The big trip at the first and a "replenish" trip halfway through. I do this because as a minimalist, I don't like to buy "stuff", but food... well, food is easily where my money goes every month. This makes grocery day a big deal. It takes me a while to shop and it's not anywhere close to over when I get home.
I have a passion for healthy, eco-friendly, fair trade and local food. I love the feeling of an energetic afternoon after a perfectly portioned lunch, or feeling "light" after a big meal because it was made for energy. I also love coming home from the grocery store and knowing I don't have trash to put in my body or a lot of trash for the garbage can.
My favorite way to eat this way is to make a lot of stuff from scratch. So, on grocery day, I come home, unload and instead of shoving everything in the fridge right away, I start making some of our kitchen staples.
I thought I would introduce nutrition on this blog with a list of quick and easy made-at-home stuff I do almost every month.
1. Almond milk. Soak almonds over night, drain. Blend with water-- For every 1 Cup almond, use 4 Cups water. Blend with only half of the water at first, seems to make it more milky. Strain with cheese cloth or strainer. Add a bit of vanilla extract if you'd like. If you want, save the almond meal leftover.
2. Vegetable Broth. So, I prep the veggies I buy for easy access. I cut up celery, carrots, onions and peppers so they are easy for recipes and snacks. I put all of the bits I would normally toss in a pot. I fill that pot with water, add a bit of basil and boil while I do the rest of my prepping. Drain. Pour into ice cube trays. Freeze. I pop out a few (which are 3 Tbsp sizes, FYI) for meals later. And my house smells amazing.
3. Tomato sauces. Easiest thing ever. I don't use measurements anymore with this so I can't give you specifics. Put I chop up tomatoes and stick them in a sauce pan with a bit of oil and herbs until mushy. Then I blend to the consistency I want. For typical tomato paste, I add a bit of basil and thyme. For pizza, I add basil and red pepper flakes. For a more Mexican flavor, I add onion, cumin and chilli powder.
4.Chocolate Sauce. 1/3 C pitted dates, soaked. 1/2 C milk of choice. 3 Tbsp to 1/4 C cocoa powder. A little bit of vanilla. Blend dates, milk and vanilla until smooth. Add to sauce pan, heat until thickened, add cocoa powder. Delicious. Especially in the almond milk listed above.
5. Granola. There are tons of recipes online and mine is different every month. I do, however, sometimes use some of the almond meal from the almond milk. But, I throw a pile of dry ingredients (seeds, nuts, rolled oats, etc.) in with some wet ones (mainly honey and maple syrup) and bake it.
6. Peanut Butter. Again, I do this so often I don't measure anymore. A pile of peanuts with a bit of peanut oil, blended to the consistency you want. If the peanuts are "fresh", it takes less oil. I use honey roasted when I can, because it tastes better.
There are many more things I make at home but these are the essentials, made right away when I walk in the door after a morning of grocery shopping. I recommend trying any of them with your own flare, because they take a lot less time than you would think and taste so much better than the stuff you can buy.
My goal, which has been failing miserably this summer, is to go to the store twice a month (when Jim is in training mode, I end up going a lot for milk and coming home with more than just milk...). The big trip at the first and a "replenish" trip halfway through. I do this because as a minimalist, I don't like to buy "stuff", but food... well, food is easily where my money goes every month. This makes grocery day a big deal. It takes me a while to shop and it's not anywhere close to over when I get home.
I have a passion for healthy, eco-friendly, fair trade and local food. I love the feeling of an energetic afternoon after a perfectly portioned lunch, or feeling "light" after a big meal because it was made for energy. I also love coming home from the grocery store and knowing I don't have trash to put in my body or a lot of trash for the garbage can.
My favorite way to eat this way is to make a lot of stuff from scratch. So, on grocery day, I come home, unload and instead of shoving everything in the fridge right away, I start making some of our kitchen staples.
I thought I would introduce nutrition on this blog with a list of quick and easy made-at-home stuff I do almost every month.
1. Almond milk. Soak almonds over night, drain. Blend with water-- For every 1 Cup almond, use 4 Cups water. Blend with only half of the water at first, seems to make it more milky. Strain with cheese cloth or strainer. Add a bit of vanilla extract if you'd like. If you want, save the almond meal leftover.
2. Vegetable Broth. So, I prep the veggies I buy for easy access. I cut up celery, carrots, onions and peppers so they are easy for recipes and snacks. I put all of the bits I would normally toss in a pot. I fill that pot with water, add a bit of basil and boil while I do the rest of my prepping. Drain. Pour into ice cube trays. Freeze. I pop out a few (which are 3 Tbsp sizes, FYI) for meals later. And my house smells amazing.
3. Tomato sauces. Easiest thing ever. I don't use measurements anymore with this so I can't give you specifics. Put I chop up tomatoes and stick them in a sauce pan with a bit of oil and herbs until mushy. Then I blend to the consistency I want. For typical tomato paste, I add a bit of basil and thyme. For pizza, I add basil and red pepper flakes. For a more Mexican flavor, I add onion, cumin and chilli powder.
4.Chocolate Sauce. 1/3 C pitted dates, soaked. 1/2 C milk of choice. 3 Tbsp to 1/4 C cocoa powder. A little bit of vanilla. Blend dates, milk and vanilla until smooth. Add to sauce pan, heat until thickened, add cocoa powder. Delicious. Especially in the almond milk listed above.
5. Granola. There are tons of recipes online and mine is different every month. I do, however, sometimes use some of the almond meal from the almond milk. But, I throw a pile of dry ingredients (seeds, nuts, rolled oats, etc.) in with some wet ones (mainly honey and maple syrup) and bake it.
6. Peanut Butter. Again, I do this so often I don't measure anymore. A pile of peanuts with a bit of peanut oil, blended to the consistency you want. If the peanuts are "fresh", it takes less oil. I use honey roasted when I can, because it tastes better.
There are many more things I make at home but these are the essentials, made right away when I walk in the door after a morning of grocery shopping. I recommend trying any of them with your own flare, because they take a lot less time than you would think and taste so much better than the stuff you can buy.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Treat Others Well
The first lesson I remember learning from Sunday school was the "Golden Rule". Though I struggled with paying attention in Sunday school, being terribly shy and tempted by the granola bars my mom would send me with, for some reason the "Golden Rule" made it through the cotton-stuffed ears of a girl barely listening. To this day, I can picture the little class at my grandmother's church and the words written in a somewhat festive font to make kids more interested.
Multiples times a day the "Golden Rule" goes through my head. It's rare that I go into a store, drive down the road or have any social interaction and these words don't come to mind. I do my best to act on them, going so far as to do things that people wouldn't notice, or that might even seem a bit strange. I don't go down busy aisles as to not inconvenience those already there. I often let at least one person in front of me in the check out lines, because their time is valuable and I can wait. I apologize when people bump into me. I pick up everything I find on the floor so no one trips on it or has to pick it up later. And while I often blame my social idiocy, I often stay in the background in social situations as to not get in the way of everyone's fun.
I am also painfully aware of the times that these words don't change my behavior. The times I leave the house in a rush and feel as though what I'm doing is more important than others. The times I drive inconsiderately, choose the closest parking spot to the door, brush past other people to get the items I need and leave. The times I get this feeling of being important and therefore my needs come first.
With these words running on loop in my life everyday, causing me to do things other people might not even think about or causing me a lot of guilt when I fail, I look at the world around me. I tell you from one broken person to another, I'm not the only one failing.
I see blatant rudeness daily. Social media has allowed a stupid level of bravery to appear behind the keyboards of thousands of unkind people. When confidence increases online, these people also become more outspoken in public and the rest of the world allows it because we aren't sure how to respond. Rudeness, gone unchallenged, encourages more rudeness. "Freedom of speech" has become an argument for things like calling policemen "pigs" and being cruel to those around (I use the "pig" comment because I've seen it), even though "freedom of speech" is really about our right to peaceably petition the government when we see a problem without them retaliating or making laws against it. Freedom of speech wasn't meant for cursing others.
I see unconscious rudeness more often. Hurried schedules and hectic lives have created a herd of selfish, drone like humans that do their errands on autopilot without consideration of anyone else-- these people park their big cars in small spots and leave their carts in the parking lot at the grocery store. A sense of importance has people doing reckless things to property that isn't their own-- these are the people that left the beaches of Lake Mac covered in garbage after the holiday weekend or those people who let their dogs poop in yards not their own without cleaning it up. A need for instant gratification and love of the power of money has left little patience and humility-- these are circumstances like the customer who recently called the store and demanded we have someone come in on his day off to fix this man's guitar because the man was willing to pay for the service.
These are just examples. I know I have had conversations in the past where I agreed whole-heartedly about the jerks that leave their carts in the parking lot. However, though I have never done that one particular rude thing, I have done countless others due to selfishness or business.
I won't say the world is always rude, because we have all seen examples of kindness. Customer service that goes above and beyond, the person who helps you pick up the pile of papers you drop, the person who bought your drink at Starbucks. These situations make us feel good, because they ARE good.
The positives of treating others well far outweigh the possible downfalls. While going out of your way to make someone's day better might seem inconvenient, there are a lot of reasons to do it anyway. It makes your public image better at the shallowest. It also makes you happier-- Michael Steger, A University of Louisville psychologist, and his team did studies where people were carefully watched for three to four weeks doing "pleasurable" activities, presented in a "you deserve it" kind of way, and another control group helping others. The subjects had to report mood and self worth at the end of the day. Overwhelmingly, and unsurprisingly, those who helped others had more self worth and were happier.
On the flip side, having someone do something kind to you is also a major mood booster. I don't think I need science to back me up when I say, when someone does something nice for you it makes you feel better.
The feelings we get from kind treatment, both in giving and receiving, are also contagious. Doing it once, we want to do it again. If the cycle continued, imagine the world we would live in.
And like rudeness left unchallenged creates more rudeness, kindness left unchallenged creates kind people.
And kind people who do it for the glory of God will have the good seats in Heaven.
Treat others how you want to be treated and love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength and mind.
This is how we memorized it, anyway. If you were a Sunday school student you probably memorized it closer to the Bible your church used, and if you weren't, you have probably heard something close to it a few times before. I admit that daily I fail to love my God with all of my anything, so the last half of the verse might be a topic for another time (though not doing the first half of the verse would suggest I am not doing the second), but today, I wanted to talk about the words that have haunted me my entire life.Multiples times a day the "Golden Rule" goes through my head. It's rare that I go into a store, drive down the road or have any social interaction and these words don't come to mind. I do my best to act on them, going so far as to do things that people wouldn't notice, or that might even seem a bit strange. I don't go down busy aisles as to not inconvenience those already there. I often let at least one person in front of me in the check out lines, because their time is valuable and I can wait. I apologize when people bump into me. I pick up everything I find on the floor so no one trips on it or has to pick it up later. And while I often blame my social idiocy, I often stay in the background in social situations as to not get in the way of everyone's fun.
I am also painfully aware of the times that these words don't change my behavior. The times I leave the house in a rush and feel as though what I'm doing is more important than others. The times I drive inconsiderately, choose the closest parking spot to the door, brush past other people to get the items I need and leave. The times I get this feeling of being important and therefore my needs come first.
With these words running on loop in my life everyday, causing me to do things other people might not even think about or causing me a lot of guilt when I fail, I look at the world around me. I tell you from one broken person to another, I'm not the only one failing.
I see blatant rudeness daily. Social media has allowed a stupid level of bravery to appear behind the keyboards of thousands of unkind people. When confidence increases online, these people also become more outspoken in public and the rest of the world allows it because we aren't sure how to respond. Rudeness, gone unchallenged, encourages more rudeness. "Freedom of speech" has become an argument for things like calling policemen "pigs" and being cruel to those around (I use the "pig" comment because I've seen it), even though "freedom of speech" is really about our right to peaceably petition the government when we see a problem without them retaliating or making laws against it. Freedom of speech wasn't meant for cursing others.
I see unconscious rudeness more often. Hurried schedules and hectic lives have created a herd of selfish, drone like humans that do their errands on autopilot without consideration of anyone else-- these people park their big cars in small spots and leave their carts in the parking lot at the grocery store. A sense of importance has people doing reckless things to property that isn't their own-- these are the people that left the beaches of Lake Mac covered in garbage after the holiday weekend or those people who let their dogs poop in yards not their own without cleaning it up. A need for instant gratification and love of the power of money has left little patience and humility-- these are circumstances like the customer who recently called the store and demanded we have someone come in on his day off to fix this man's guitar because the man was willing to pay for the service.
These are just examples. I know I have had conversations in the past where I agreed whole-heartedly about the jerks that leave their carts in the parking lot. However, though I have never done that one particular rude thing, I have done countless others due to selfishness or business.
I won't say the world is always rude, because we have all seen examples of kindness. Customer service that goes above and beyond, the person who helps you pick up the pile of papers you drop, the person who bought your drink at Starbucks. These situations make us feel good, because they ARE good.
The positives of treating others well far outweigh the possible downfalls. While going out of your way to make someone's day better might seem inconvenient, there are a lot of reasons to do it anyway. It makes your public image better at the shallowest. It also makes you happier-- Michael Steger, A University of Louisville psychologist, and his team did studies where people were carefully watched for three to four weeks doing "pleasurable" activities, presented in a "you deserve it" kind of way, and another control group helping others. The subjects had to report mood and self worth at the end of the day. Overwhelmingly, and unsurprisingly, those who helped others had more self worth and were happier.
On the flip side, having someone do something kind to you is also a major mood booster. I don't think I need science to back me up when I say, when someone does something nice for you it makes you feel better.
The feelings we get from kind treatment, both in giving and receiving, are also contagious. Doing it once, we want to do it again. If the cycle continued, imagine the world we would live in.
And like rudeness left unchallenged creates more rudeness, kindness left unchallenged creates kind people.
And kind people who do it for the glory of God will have the good seats in Heaven.
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Why I Work Out All The Time
I work out a lot. When I started 5 years ago I had no idea it would become as important to me as it is or how much it would change my life. Today, however, I can say without hesitation that being healthy is a top 5 for me. My list of "top" priorities has been a focus for me lately and this has always made the cut.
It started because I was fat. Not ridiculously so, but teetering on the technically overweight line and I was purchasing larger pants sizes. My mom, meanwhile, was losing weight and wearing jeans from my high school years. Not cool, mom. Not cool.
So I started walking to work, which equated to about two miles a day. Then I got a treadmill and started walking on it in the morning before work and doing a yoga video afterwards. Then running on that treadmill a mile or two. Then the miles increased and the videos got more intense until I was eventually running long runs with Danielle as she trained for her first marathon.
It started because I was fat but it kept going for so much more.
I gained self-confidence, not just from the shrinking waistline but as I started to care less about what other people thought. Running down the street all sweaty, hair flying everywhere, most likely with terrible form but eventually not caring what people thought about it did wonders for how I felt all day. If I didn't care how I looked in the mornings as I logged the miles, it made no sense to care when I was showered and dressed. It didn't matter what others thought, anyway.
I gained a love for healthy food and feeling amazing—you don’t realize you are missing out until you experience it. I gained energy. I learned healthier approaches to food and exercise. I read nutrition books and formed educated opinions as opposed to following the current or popular nutrition trends of the internet and media.
I gained a desire to improve my life in other ways; going more minimal, being more eco-friendly, becoming more involved, being more organized, being more intentional (the theme of this blog). With meals improving, my cooking improved. While taking care of myself is important I wanted to take care of other things, too. I started making meals for my dogs (yeah, I'm that girl), recycling more, buying from specific stores or companies. I started joining more clubs and filling my time with things more important than the Gilmore Girls.
I gained a best friend in Danielle, with a sweaty, 20-miler bond that can’t be explained to anyone but other runners with running partner. A friendship that can't be replicated or replaced by another running partner. A friendship that can last a lifetime because, no matter the schedule or who we are with, we can always squeeze in a run together.
I have been questioned if I work out too hard. As we struggle with our desire for a child I am often asked if running could be a culprit. When I was first losing weight, particularly at my lowest weight, people were concerned I wasn't eating enough. I would like to confirm right now that athleticism has done nothing but positive things for me and that I have always been well within a healthy weight. Not only those listed above, but with a family history riddled with heart disease, diabetes and cancer, I am decreasing my risk of being sick every morning I head out the door in bright colored shoes. While I work out a lot, I am most definitely not over-doing it… my body fat percentage would confirm that as well as a few other medical reasons I don’t need to share here. If I had been working out to the pint of hurting our chances of conceiving, it would have ended.
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Involve Yourself
Being involved was a struggle for me initially. It's easy for me to come home after work, hop
into my PJ pants and spend the entire evening playing piano, watching movies
with my husband, or generally avoiding the outside world. As an introvert, I tend to choose solitary
activities and desire a calm environment.
As a matter of fact, I initially planned on being a stay at
home mom who was just involved in her kids lives. Then life happened and kids didn't (so far). I changed.
I realized the outside world wasn't that bad and I might actually be able to contribute.
I can't stress enough how important being involved in your community is.
Being involved in your community is so beneficial it's
almost ridiculous, but I thought I would list just a few reasons for you to
consider.
- Involvement makes the community better for everyone, especially the person involved. A regular volunteer has a longer expected lifespan (BMC Public Health researchers determined), either because they were happier or because people who tend to volunteer also tend to do other positive things for their well being and thus live longer. Either way, can't hurt to get involved.
- Involvement gives you life long skills that are used in other surprising areas of life. For instance, I learned how to serve food in a cafeteria setting while volunteering in high school as a NHS student. I would later use those skills at my campus job in college.
- Involvement builds compassion and other important social emotions. First, Understanding towards those that make decisions you don't agree with because you can empathize with trying to please everyone. You also feel love for the people you are serving by being involved.
- The most important thing involvement brought to my life was the relationships with other people. On a professional level, I have made contacts in almost every field and it's true that "who you know" makes a difference. But most importantly, these relationships make this area precious to me. Life on earth boils down to the relationships we have, and I have had the opportunity to meet and become friends with some of the most incredible people. These relationships will last me a lifetime, both professionally and personally. And because I started young, when I get to be an older member of an organization like the arts council, I will have a strong understanding of what it takes to run it and be prepared to continue it when those who are now leading it are gone.
Involvement can be a lot of things. Since I've already made one list, why not
another? Here is a brief list of ways
you can get involved to get the above benefits.
- Work at a job you love. Might not sound like community involvement to you, but think of it this way. On paper, being the part time help at a music store isn't that impressive, but a similar person helped me choose clarinet and completely changed my life. A bonus for me, working downtown is community involvement all it's own, as I feel a little invested in the businesses around us.
- Volunteering
for things that are important to me.
I don't think a person who wants to make a difference in their
community has to be involved in absolutely every organization. I don't have enough knowledge or interest
to be of help on some boards. However,
I have a few things I'm passionate about that I desperately want to share
with the community.
For me and my interests, this means involvement in a lot of music activities and a few athletic ones. From playing bass in the worship team at church to learning to write grants for the arts council, I am able to do things I love while also giving my community more opportunities to experience music. Volunteering at local races and keeping up on the running and cycling club Facebook pages are ways I can be active myself while also encouraging others to do the same. - Create something new. This is the most intimidating and the hardest work but also the most rewarding. I have a secret love/hate relationship with being an event organizer. Along the lines of "be the change you want to see in this world", if there is something I think should be happening in the area that isn't and it is in my capabilities, I make it happen. I have learned a lot about myself through organizing these events. "Solo Night", a reverse recital (teachers perform) at the store was my first real pet project in Ogallala. The Run Around The Lake Relay was my major "athletic" one. And my biggest organized project to date is probably the community jazz band I organized this summer.
The moral of the story?
Get involved. If you are more
experienced, join and share that experience.
If you are young, join and learn what you can because at some point, the
older generation will be gone and we need to be able to step up. If we were to lose these organizations by
lack of volunteer-ism, we would be losing important aspects of humanity in our
community. We would not only be losing arts,
music and athleticism, but also humility, compassion and the true definition of
community.
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Blog Change
I don't really know what my original intent was behind this blog, which is probably why it became such a mess so quickly. Not that my readership of 5 people who already know me in real life really care how well organized my online diary is, but it was really bothering the obsessive-compulsive in me. I have a strong appreciation for organization and focus and I was not successful in portraying that here.With that, I have decided to dress the blog in a new skin, delete my old posts (keeping only a couple from the past year), and assign a direction for my posts from this point on. I am also hoping to be a bit more consistent, so people who are reading this blog regularly will have something to look at.
Because I amjust so fascinating interested in a lot of topics and could possibly write something that might interest other people in a few things, I plan to paint the direction of this blog with a broad stroke.
From how I treat myself to how I treat others, with the intention of glorifying God, treating others how I want to be treated and trying to make all of my decisions with thought behind them. I hope in this blog to cover everything from eating and cleaning to big topics like marriage and beliefs.
Again, not that my 5 readers are too excited about this change, but maybe I'll say something that makes you smile every now and again, or that makes you think.
Thanks for reading!
Because I am
The posts on this blog will be about how I try to live my life intentionally.
From how I treat myself to how I treat others, with the intention of glorifying God, treating others how I want to be treated and trying to make all of my decisions with thought behind them. I hope in this blog to cover everything from eating and cleaning to big topics like marriage and beliefs.
Again, not that my 5 readers are too excited about this change, but maybe I'll say something that makes you smile every now and again, or that makes you think.
Thanks for reading!
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