God doesn't owe me anything because I might not be able to have my own biological children.
Women who are trying to decide if they should make an adoption plan for their unborn children don't owe me anything because I wasn't dealt a "fertile" card.
I am not a victim of some unfair circumstance.
It felt like it, at one point. It felt like God needed to provide me children, because His word said to go forth and multiply and we weren't multiplying. It felt like women who "shouldn't" have kids did and I, as a responsible adult, was being treated unfairly.
And I was right-- I'm being treated unfairly.
I live in an unfair world. So unfair that a perfect man, who was also God, left his throne in Heaven to live on earth during a time without running water and modern convenience to teach and love people who were, frankly, terrible in comparison. So unfair that this man had to give up His life so that they could be forgiven for their sins.
I live in an unfair world. So unfair that even after sending His only son to earth to die for the sins of His people, the God of the universe also listens to me and calls me His daughter. So unfair that He gives me blessings that I sometimes don't even notice. Where He knows the number of hairs on my head, even though I am so incredibly small and one of so many.
I have been treated unfairly my whole life. The wages of sin are death and I'm still alive with eternal life ahead of me.
And life will continue to be unfair. Maybe someday (maybe someday soon), I will be blessed with a child that needs a stable home. It's not fair that that child will have to live with such a sticky start to life. But it is my prayer that he or she will also experience the incredible unfairness of God's saving grace.
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
An Announcement
Most people who read this blog are aware of our situation already, but I thought it would be best to make it blog official, just in case someone important was accidentally left out of the loop.
Jim and I are going to become parents! Not in the traditional, "I peed on a stick and guess what?" kind of way, but through a domestic infant adoption. We are very excited, very scared, a little sick to our stomachs, but mostly excited. We are on the way to welcoming home a son or daughter! I can't even type that without a smile on my face-- son or daughter. My son or daughter. Jim's son or daughter. Jim is going to be a dad. Jim, who can't stop talking about every cute kid we see is going to have his own kid. Me, who knows next to nothing about babies-- I'm going to be a mom. My dad is going to be a grandpa.
So far, we have received nothing but support from those we have told, which I have to admit is a great feeling. I'm sure some hesitation and judgment will come once we start fundraising, but we'll meet that problem when we get to it. Unfortunately, this part of the adoption process is going to be essential for us to not start our lives as a family out in major debt. Adoption, it turns out, costs a lot. And as you may have guessed, even financially sound 27 year old's don't have that kind of savings just lying around.
I have a lot of thoughts about this new chapter in our life and this post would be far too long if I dove in with everything. Just because I feel overwhelmed doesn't meant you have to just by reading my blog. So, I thought I would take this post to answer a few questions that may have popped into concerned minds.
WHY ADOPT?
A few weeks ago, Jim and I sat in sterile-smelling waiting room surrounded by bulging bellies and newborns. We met with a doctor who gave us test orders that would possibly determine what the problem might be. We read the prices of just the initial tests, we took in the length of the process, the awkwardness and the possibility of investing much of our time, energy, finances and life in general into "infertility" if we chose to go that route. Instead, we decided to invest all of those things into a situation where someone else needs us-- a birthmother and a baby.
Adoption has always been a topic of conversation for us, since I was 14 and we started dating. Back in dating-land, where I pictured myself wearing a perfect white summer dress serving lemonade to my husband in a beautifully manicured back lawn while our daughter played on her pink play set near by, adoption was welcomed but didn't seem a reality. From 14 and the images of the white summer dress to the day I actually wore a beautiful white dress and said "I do" to Jim, I never once thought having a child would be a problem for us. My family has, to my knowledge, never had "fertility problems".
But it obviously became more of a reality as the years went by of "not, not trying" and more of a desired reality through the year of ovulation predictor kids, charting temperatures and devastation every month.
All of that to say we chose to adopt for a lot of reasons. We want to be parents, we want to be an option for a birth-mother and we want to give a life to a child who needs it. We feel adoption is a representation of God's love for us, as we are adopted into His family (though our adoption is much more amazing... He loves us even though He knows the sins we've committed and all of the sins we are going to commit. And His home is perfect.).
WHY NOW?
That's a question I've asked myself, too, as I look at our finances. Without help, this will not be possible. Which is scary. I have never been in a position to ask for financial help. We have always been able to afford what we needed and saved for what we wanted. We have always had a savings account that was well stocked and we've always tried to be good with our money. But this expense is something we could have never prepared for and would take years to save up for, and even then, might have surprise expenses we didn't account for.
There are a few reasons that we feel now is the best time. First, we feel called to move now. God has always been pretty obvious with me (I think I'm a bit dense) and we feel strongly that God is pointing the way and saying "go".
Second, we are in a place in our marriage and lives that is welcoming to change. Our bosses are extremely supportive of the changes that can take place at a moments notice. Our marriage is as strong as ever, if not more so after a rough year of trying to conceive. We are established in our community, in who we are as people. We aren't ready for kids (I don't think I ever will be, not until it's a few years after the kid has been here) but we feel as ready as we'll ever be.
Third, as silly as this may sound to some of you, we don't want to be "old" parents. I'm not saying if you had your children in your 30s you are old parents, but you have to understand where Jim and I are coming from. My mom was 40 when I entered the world. My dad had a bad back, my mom was falling apart physically. We never played together, never went camping, etc. I would never trade my childhood as my parents were incredible, BUT... I would like to be an active mother who can play with her child. I can do that now. Who knows when that will change.
WHAT KIND OF ADOPTION ARE YOU DOING?
We are seeking a mostly-open domestic infant adoption. Domestic means stateside, infant means at birth or soon after. We have chosen these because the difficulty surrounding international infant adoption, the travel involved, and the possible culture change difficulties of bringing a child home from another country. We chose infant because we don't feel equipped to be parents of someone who has a history... we don't feel confident enough as new parents to dive into that situation yet.
Open adoption is the adoption type of choice today. It has a lot of different definitions and can mean different things to different adoption situations. A semi-open adoption can mean anything from sending the agency pictures and a letter twice a year and meeting and talking with the birth mother before the birt to more frequent meetings and more contact. The more open an adoption becomes, the more access we as adoptive parents and our child will have to his or her history. We are hoping to find ourselves in a situation where we can be mostly open with the birth family of the child. We plan on telling our child from very early on that part of their story is adoption and we want them to have all of the information so they can process it, grieve it, and hopefully live a full and wonderful life without some of the painful questioning and trauma presented in adoption situations. We hope to have email open, phone contact, letters, pictures, etc. from both sides. It gives our kid more people in her corner rooting her on. For those in the know about open adoptions, we are still unsure about face-to-face visits and in a perfect world we would let the child decide when they are older instead of making a plan when they are young.
WHERE ARE YOU AT IN THE PROCESS?
Adoption is a process. Wow. We are actually well on our way though through the first few stages. We have been fingerprinted, had physicals, lots of paperwork and have had references started. We meet with our home study provider on Friday at our home so she can determine how our home will work for a baby. After that, we have a teleconference with our adoption agency to go over our adoption needs and requirements, and then we start an online profile with pictures and text about our life, who we are, why we want to adopt and how we will parent. After that, we do a video profile and become "active", at which point we sit back and wait for a birth mother or birth family to choose us as the people who will raise the child brought into the world.
I have a lot of thoughts on this (as one usually does when they make huge life decisions), but I will leave it at this for now.
Jim and I are going to become parents! Not in the traditional, "I peed on a stick and guess what?" kind of way, but through a domestic infant adoption. We are very excited, very scared, a little sick to our stomachs, but mostly excited. We are on the way to welcoming home a son or daughter! I can't even type that without a smile on my face-- son or daughter. My son or daughter. Jim's son or daughter. Jim is going to be a dad. Jim, who can't stop talking about every cute kid we see is going to have his own kid. Me, who knows next to nothing about babies-- I'm going to be a mom. My dad is going to be a grandpa.
So far, we have received nothing but support from those we have told, which I have to admit is a great feeling. I'm sure some hesitation and judgment will come once we start fundraising, but we'll meet that problem when we get to it. Unfortunately, this part of the adoption process is going to be essential for us to not start our lives as a family out in major debt. Adoption, it turns out, costs a lot. And as you may have guessed, even financially sound 27 year old's don't have that kind of savings just lying around.
I have a lot of thoughts about this new chapter in our life and this post would be far too long if I dove in with everything. Just because I feel overwhelmed doesn't meant you have to just by reading my blog. So, I thought I would take this post to answer a few questions that may have popped into concerned minds.
WHY ADOPT?
A few weeks ago, Jim and I sat in sterile-smelling waiting room surrounded by bulging bellies and newborns. We met with a doctor who gave us test orders that would possibly determine what the problem might be. We read the prices of just the initial tests, we took in the length of the process, the awkwardness and the possibility of investing much of our time, energy, finances and life in general into "infertility" if we chose to go that route. Instead, we decided to invest all of those things into a situation where someone else needs us-- a birthmother and a baby.
Adoption has always been a topic of conversation for us, since I was 14 and we started dating. Back in dating-land, where I pictured myself wearing a perfect white summer dress serving lemonade to my husband in a beautifully manicured back lawn while our daughter played on her pink play set near by, adoption was welcomed but didn't seem a reality. From 14 and the images of the white summer dress to the day I actually wore a beautiful white dress and said "I do" to Jim, I never once thought having a child would be a problem for us. My family has, to my knowledge, never had "fertility problems".
But it obviously became more of a reality as the years went by of "not, not trying" and more of a desired reality through the year of ovulation predictor kids, charting temperatures and devastation every month.
All of that to say we chose to adopt for a lot of reasons. We want to be parents, we want to be an option for a birth-mother and we want to give a life to a child who needs it. We feel adoption is a representation of God's love for us, as we are adopted into His family (though our adoption is much more amazing... He loves us even though He knows the sins we've committed and all of the sins we are going to commit. And His home is perfect.).
WHY NOW?
That's a question I've asked myself, too, as I look at our finances. Without help, this will not be possible. Which is scary. I have never been in a position to ask for financial help. We have always been able to afford what we needed and saved for what we wanted. We have always had a savings account that was well stocked and we've always tried to be good with our money. But this expense is something we could have never prepared for and would take years to save up for, and even then, might have surprise expenses we didn't account for.
There are a few reasons that we feel now is the best time. First, we feel called to move now. God has always been pretty obvious with me (I think I'm a bit dense) and we feel strongly that God is pointing the way and saying "go".
Second, we are in a place in our marriage and lives that is welcoming to change. Our bosses are extremely supportive of the changes that can take place at a moments notice. Our marriage is as strong as ever, if not more so after a rough year of trying to conceive. We are established in our community, in who we are as people. We aren't ready for kids (I don't think I ever will be, not until it's a few years after the kid has been here) but we feel as ready as we'll ever be.
Third, as silly as this may sound to some of you, we don't want to be "old" parents. I'm not saying if you had your children in your 30s you are old parents, but you have to understand where Jim and I are coming from. My mom was 40 when I entered the world. My dad had a bad back, my mom was falling apart physically. We never played together, never went camping, etc. I would never trade my childhood as my parents were incredible, BUT... I would like to be an active mother who can play with her child. I can do that now. Who knows when that will change.
WHAT KIND OF ADOPTION ARE YOU DOING?
We are seeking a mostly-open domestic infant adoption. Domestic means stateside, infant means at birth or soon after. We have chosen these because the difficulty surrounding international infant adoption, the travel involved, and the possible culture change difficulties of bringing a child home from another country. We chose infant because we don't feel equipped to be parents of someone who has a history... we don't feel confident enough as new parents to dive into that situation yet.
Open adoption is the adoption type of choice today. It has a lot of different definitions and can mean different things to different adoption situations. A semi-open adoption can mean anything from sending the agency pictures and a letter twice a year and meeting and talking with the birth mother before the birt to more frequent meetings and more contact. The more open an adoption becomes, the more access we as adoptive parents and our child will have to his or her history. We are hoping to find ourselves in a situation where we can be mostly open with the birth family of the child. We plan on telling our child from very early on that part of their story is adoption and we want them to have all of the information so they can process it, grieve it, and hopefully live a full and wonderful life without some of the painful questioning and trauma presented in adoption situations. We hope to have email open, phone contact, letters, pictures, etc. from both sides. It gives our kid more people in her corner rooting her on. For those in the know about open adoptions, we are still unsure about face-to-face visits and in a perfect world we would let the child decide when they are older instead of making a plan when they are young.
WHERE ARE YOU AT IN THE PROCESS?
Adoption is a process. Wow. We are actually well on our way though through the first few stages. We have been fingerprinted, had physicals, lots of paperwork and have had references started. We meet with our home study provider on Friday at our home so she can determine how our home will work for a baby. After that, we have a teleconference with our adoption agency to go over our adoption needs and requirements, and then we start an online profile with pictures and text about our life, who we are, why we want to adopt and how we will parent. After that, we do a video profile and become "active", at which point we sit back and wait for a birth mother or birth family to choose us as the people who will raise the child brought into the world.
I have a lot of thoughts on this (as one usually does when they make huge life decisions), but I will leave it at this for now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)