A lot has changed in my life over the past 12 months.
We lost a child. At the hospital. Without getting to see him.
I had to explain to his older brother than we weren't bringing home the little brother we had prayed for.
I had to explain to well meaning people that no, it wasn't "for the best", that it was devastating and like a death.
We lost thousands of dollars to that situation and the relationship with our sons birth mother is now altered forever, even though we have forgiven her.
I traveled the world, from Austin, Texas to Sydney, Australia.
I lost my job of 9 years.
I lost one of my 12 year old dogs.
My dear friend moved hundreds of miles away.'
I deleted Facebook because I just needed a break from social media.
I was sick more than I was well. I cycled between colds, stomach bugs and other ailments all year long. I was eating healthy and exercising but my body was handling the stress about as well as I was.
And in a whirlwind of insane events, we were able to bring home a son, Levi Benjamin, born October 7th.
That story, in short, was a miracle. There is no way this little boy would be ours without God on our side.
I spent an entire month in Nevada. Two weeks before he was born and two weeks after. Before, the smoke from close fires had me so sick I had scabs in my nose and I woke up with pink eye. Oh, and I got food poisoning!
However, as always, many blessings also took place.
First, we spent a magical day with Josiah as his "final singleton day", about a week early. He played in a hands on museum all day and we never had to tell him "no" to anything as he ran around. For lunch that day we took him to a fancy doughnut shop.
I spent a week with my sister and her family.
Levi had the potential to have many medical emergencies at birth and has done exceedingly well, surpassing what was expected of him. And, he's super cute. So, we don't have to worry about Josiah getting all of the attention as they get older. We have the most handsome boys... in my completely unbiased opinion.
Though Levi's birthmother left the hospital before signing, and skipped the state when she was legally supposed to sign relinquishment papers, she did eventually sign. So while about 48 hours of our lives were basically nerves and fear of losing our newborn son, she did eventually sign. Most importantly, we know she wanted to sign and we know she had good reasons to make this decision. We got to meet her in person for just a few minutes the day after Levi was born. We brought her flowers, she gave him his middle name (which was perfect), we cried and hugged and left.
We stayed at the Ronald McDonald House. Guys, this was the best thing ever. Free food, free laundry, pretty much anything you could need provided, a private room, a play room for Josiah, and only $10 a night. Best of all, within walking distance to Levi's bedside.
Jim seriously became dad #1 in the world. Levi struggled with eating his required meal amount with me (I'm a pushover, I guess) so Jim took every single feeding the last three days Levi was in the hospital. That's right, 24 hours a day, 3 days straight, Jim was with the newborn in the NICU.
I got to fly home with Levi and Josiah and it was such fun. I seriously love traveling with kids. It's a bit more daunting than by yourself, but Josiah travels so well (from doing it so often this year!) and Levi is at the perfect "sleep through anything" stage.
My parents drove all the way to Elko, Nevada to help me with Josiah when I got sick. They spent a few days with us in Reno, too. I have never felt so close to my parents and they have been nothing but the perfect grandparents and parents, helping with gas as we drove back to Reno, giving me lots of encouragement and hugs and since we've been home, taking the boys so I can run on the mornings I just can't get out of the house at 4 AM.
We had such a kind and warm welcome upon our return. Someone even brought us a meal! That has never happened to me before! People have been so kind, generous and full of love for our family and we are forever grateful.
I feel as though I just got off the biggest roller coaster ever. Have you ever gotten off of a ride or boat and felt like you couldn't walk yet? That's where I'm at. I am not sure what to do with this new normal after such a turbulent year. Trying to settling into motherhood with two, which isn't as hard as I thought it would be, but also trying to calm down again.
Thank you for following our journey, more posts to come.
