Jim and I are pleased to share with our dear friends and family that at this time we have been chosen to be the parent of a little boy. Little Man is set to make his debut in February. We are very excited to share this news with you and want to say thank you for all of the prayers, donations and kindness we've received. There are also some things you might want to know.
What Happened
On Friday, as we were leaving town to go to Denver so I could run a 10K race on Saturday morning (2nd overall female, by the way... I'm totally not sorry for bragging about that!), we received a call from an unknown number with our adoption agency area code. I made Jim pull over, a whole few houses away from our own, and wrote all the information I could on an oil change receipt as the case worker shared that we were someone's top pick!
Through a series of calls and emails over the weekend we ended up speaking with her Monday afternoon. We had a great chat, a lot less awkward than we were expecting, and after we hung up it was minutes later we heard back-- she had officially chosen us as the parents to her son.
So we filled out the paperwork and got the funds on the way to where they belonged and...
went back to work.
What's Next
Being chosen doesn't mean our uncertainty is over. We will continue to get to know the woman who chose us through calls and emails and hopefully we will affirm her decision through these calls. However, her decision is not 100% final. She has every right to change her mind until a few days after the birth, or until she signs her release forms. Hearing the experience of giving birth and the glorious moments of holding that baby afterwards, her decision may become a difficult one to follow through on... maybe even impossible.
After she makes that decision, if she has still chosen us, we have to stay in the state of birth until all of the legal documents are sorted through on the right desk-- which is typically two weeks or so. So we will be living in a hotel with a newborn!
Even after that, there is a six month period before the adoption becomes finalized. Very rarely does anything happen after the birth mother signs the forms, but technically the state and home study have to prove that we are fit parents and they determine that in the first six months.
The next step we are unsure of is a potential visit to the area the baby will be born in. We could then meet the birth mother, visit the hospital, etc., and make the delivery a lot less awkward since it won't be the first time we're meeting. However, travel is expensive and takes vacation days, things that are a hindrance for us right now. But we will be hoping to find a way to make that a reality somehow.
No Details
There are a few things Jim and I will gladly tell you. We have been chosen (yay!), and Lord willing, a little biracial boy will be born in February and we will be bringing him home a few weeks later.
We will tell you that we respect his mother and we believe that she is making a wise decision in making an adoption plan (not because she chose us and we're happy about that, but because it is truly a good decision for her situation).
We will not be telling you details about her life, out of respect for her and the baby. We don't want anyone making assumptions about the woman who is giving us the gift of parenthood. We also want our child's adoption journey to be their story, something they can share instead of hearing it from others.
So if you ask a question please don't be offended if we don't answer. We aren't hiding something from you, we are protecting what isn't ours to share.
Help
Because there are a few who always ask (thank you, so much, by the way), we just ask for prayers for the right decisions to be made for that little boy. For wisdom on our part in how to love the new people in our life-- a whole family, in fact. For his mother, who is going to have some tough days ahead. And for our (hopefully) son, that he will be who God wants him to be.
Thank you
Again. From the bottom of my heart (and Jim's too) for the prayers, the love, the support (financial and otherwise) that you have given us. Even if this particular situation ends differently than we hope, we are still so grateful to have you all!
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Action and Reaction
In the past few weeks, I have had a few people, without any conscious prompting on my part, admit that they weren't really sure what to say to Jim and I as we go through the waiting stage of the adoption process. I understand, as I have experienced the lack of words myself when witnessing someone else go through something difficult.
Empathy is hard. Expressing empathy is even harder. It goes against what we would do naturally. Empathy is experiencing things vicariously through someone else, usually related to something unpleasant. Empathy is feeling what a person is feeling. It's having a pain you don't want that has nothing to do with you.
I don't claim to be an empathy master. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty awful at it at times. I am also pretty bad at receiving empathy sometimes, too. Since the subject has come up within our situation, as well as a few things I've witnessed in others lives recently and in a Bible study message, I thought maybe I would share a bit about maybe how we can express empathy in a way that is respectful and loving.
First, there are some things we probably shouldn't do but tend to be the natural reaction most of us have. Personally, I tend to want to make someone feel better as quickly as possible, so my natural reaction to someone's troubles is try to tell a joke or lighten the mood. However, that isn't always what people need, and neither are the following.
1. Don't give advice, provide solutions or try to fix the problem. Unless you know the person really well and know what they are seeking. If you have a personal story or advice you think will rock that person's world, think about it and then ask if they are wanting any advice. Often times, people just want encouragement.
2. Don't use cliches or common sayings. I don't know how many times I was told if I just stopped trying to have a baby we would get pregnant. This was not helpful, encouraging, and in the end, wasn't even true. There are a lot of examples of things we just say automatically that aren't helpful. Sometimes they might even seem helpful initially, but they are just empty words that make us feel as though we have done our duty in comforting someone without actually getting our hands dirty.
This one is going to make me sound like a terrible Christian...
3. God doesn't have to be mentioned to be present. As a believer, I know that God is with me, He is hearing me, that He is in control and cares about me. Hearing it in a chipper voice when my faith is hanging on by a thread, however, isn't always helpful and can come across as fake or pushy. While I'm not saying you should never mention God while people are struggling, I think sometimes letting your actions speak can build your relationships better and ultimately glorify Him more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There have been times in the past couple of years when all I needed was someone to empathize with me in very simple ways. I truly believe that empathy takes a lot of bravery, but doesn't take a lot of work. I'm sure other people have different needs than me, but these things have been the most encouraging things I have received when I needed someone to care and I have never been yelled at for attempting these when I needed to empathize with someone else.
1. Do initiate. The worst part about knowing someone is going through something is sometimes that we just don't know what to say, so we don't say it. But the silence can so easily come across as lack of caring to the other person. I don't think it's necessary to talk about the situation, whatever it is, all the time. Just a card, a call, an email, a gesture that lets the person know they are on your mind can do a lot when they are feeling all alone.
2. Do ask questions. Start with "how are you?" and listen to the answer. Ask clarifying questions. Not "have you tried...?", which is more of an offering of advice than seeking information. Try to understand the situation they are in better. Having more information may help you feel what they are feeling better and therefore help you know how to proceed or what else to say. If they aren't willing to share, the worst they can do is not answer and that's okay. You didn't do anything to offend them by asking.
The sweetest question we had asked was a simple "is there anything concrete I can do to help?". For our situation, the answer is no, because it is up to a birthmother to decide and ultimately God to arrange a situation that is best for the baby. It was still a really sweet thing to ask and made us feel as though someone truly cared.
3. Do keep it simple and express your solidarity. I'm sorry this is happening. I hurt for you. I feel for you. I'm here for you. These are the comments that never offend anyone and say a lot about you. To me, it says you are willing to go through this with me, even to a small extent, and that makes me feel like I'm not the only one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Empathy is the action we should take when someone is struggling. However, as always, there are two sides to every coin. When we receive empathy, we should know how. I know that through this situation I have learned that I was lacking in empathy both in giving and receiving and I want to become better at both to be a better representation of what I believe in Christ.
Receiving empathy can be hard because people misunderstand what is happening, have preconceived notions, react in ways that are unintentionally offensive or sometimes it's simply that we don't know how to react to their empathy.
1. Understand the misunderstandings. Even people who have been through very similar circumstances didn't go through the exact same thing as you. They won't know your "sore spots". Sometimes, people speak from a place of ignorance without realizing their words can be damaging. Not a lot of people know about the adoption process fully, or about depression, or about losing a family member. I don't see a problem with correcting the misunderstandings. If the person means well, give them some grace and understanding that they aren't an expert on your situation or your feelings.
2.Speak up. If someone does say something that is inadvertently hurtful, you can tell them you would prefer not to hear that, or you can defend your position. If someone asks if they can help and there is way, tell them what it is. If someone is trying to be there for you and you feel comfortable with them, be as open as is appropriate.
3. Your pain doesn't negate others problems. Other people still need my empathy every day. Even on the days when I feel like crawling under a rock, other people still exist. Circumstances shouldn't dictate your kindness, gentleness, goodness, self-control or love. The benefits of this are numerous. First, it is easy when in a struggle to feel as though you don't matter-- nothing makes you see your value more than helping another person. Second, those people are getting the love they need in their situation. Third, you strengthen these traits when you practice them while it's hard to.
I'm going to continue to work on empathy in my own life in both giving and receiving. I hope someday we will be able to teach it to a kid or two, too. Because I believe empathy is one of the best ways to build strong relationships. Coming along someone in their time of need is difficult but rewarding for everyone involved.
Empathy is hard. Expressing empathy is even harder. It goes against what we would do naturally. Empathy is experiencing things vicariously through someone else, usually related to something unpleasant. Empathy is feeling what a person is feeling. It's having a pain you don't want that has nothing to do with you.
I don't claim to be an empathy master. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty awful at it at times. I am also pretty bad at receiving empathy sometimes, too. Since the subject has come up within our situation, as well as a few things I've witnessed in others lives recently and in a Bible study message, I thought maybe I would share a bit about maybe how we can express empathy in a way that is respectful and loving.
First, there are some things we probably shouldn't do but tend to be the natural reaction most of us have. Personally, I tend to want to make someone feel better as quickly as possible, so my natural reaction to someone's troubles is try to tell a joke or lighten the mood. However, that isn't always what people need, and neither are the following.
1. Don't give advice, provide solutions or try to fix the problem. Unless you know the person really well and know what they are seeking. If you have a personal story or advice you think will rock that person's world, think about it and then ask if they are wanting any advice. Often times, people just want encouragement.
2. Don't use cliches or common sayings. I don't know how many times I was told if I just stopped trying to have a baby we would get pregnant. This was not helpful, encouraging, and in the end, wasn't even true. There are a lot of examples of things we just say automatically that aren't helpful. Sometimes they might even seem helpful initially, but they are just empty words that make us feel as though we have done our duty in comforting someone without actually getting our hands dirty.
This one is going to make me sound like a terrible Christian...
3. God doesn't have to be mentioned to be present. As a believer, I know that God is with me, He is hearing me, that He is in control and cares about me. Hearing it in a chipper voice when my faith is hanging on by a thread, however, isn't always helpful and can come across as fake or pushy. While I'm not saying you should never mention God while people are struggling, I think sometimes letting your actions speak can build your relationships better and ultimately glorify Him more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There have been times in the past couple of years when all I needed was someone to empathize with me in very simple ways. I truly believe that empathy takes a lot of bravery, but doesn't take a lot of work. I'm sure other people have different needs than me, but these things have been the most encouraging things I have received when I needed someone to care and I have never been yelled at for attempting these when I needed to empathize with someone else.
1. Do initiate. The worst part about knowing someone is going through something is sometimes that we just don't know what to say, so we don't say it. But the silence can so easily come across as lack of caring to the other person. I don't think it's necessary to talk about the situation, whatever it is, all the time. Just a card, a call, an email, a gesture that lets the person know they are on your mind can do a lot when they are feeling all alone.
2. Do ask questions. Start with "how are you?" and listen to the answer. Ask clarifying questions. Not "have you tried...?", which is more of an offering of advice than seeking information. Try to understand the situation they are in better. Having more information may help you feel what they are feeling better and therefore help you know how to proceed or what else to say. If they aren't willing to share, the worst they can do is not answer and that's okay. You didn't do anything to offend them by asking.
The sweetest question we had asked was a simple "is there anything concrete I can do to help?". For our situation, the answer is no, because it is up to a birthmother to decide and ultimately God to arrange a situation that is best for the baby. It was still a really sweet thing to ask and made us feel as though someone truly cared.
3. Do keep it simple and express your solidarity. I'm sorry this is happening. I hurt for you. I feel for you. I'm here for you. These are the comments that never offend anyone and say a lot about you. To me, it says you are willing to go through this with me, even to a small extent, and that makes me feel like I'm not the only one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Empathy is the action we should take when someone is struggling. However, as always, there are two sides to every coin. When we receive empathy, we should know how. I know that through this situation I have learned that I was lacking in empathy both in giving and receiving and I want to become better at both to be a better representation of what I believe in Christ.
Receiving empathy can be hard because people misunderstand what is happening, have preconceived notions, react in ways that are unintentionally offensive or sometimes it's simply that we don't know how to react to their empathy.
1. Understand the misunderstandings. Even people who have been through very similar circumstances didn't go through the exact same thing as you. They won't know your "sore spots". Sometimes, people speak from a place of ignorance without realizing their words can be damaging. Not a lot of people know about the adoption process fully, or about depression, or about losing a family member. I don't see a problem with correcting the misunderstandings. If the person means well, give them some grace and understanding that they aren't an expert on your situation or your feelings.
2.Speak up. If someone does say something that is inadvertently hurtful, you can tell them you would prefer not to hear that, or you can defend your position. If someone asks if they can help and there is way, tell them what it is. If someone is trying to be there for you and you feel comfortable with them, be as open as is appropriate.
3. Your pain doesn't negate others problems. Other people still need my empathy every day. Even on the days when I feel like crawling under a rock, other people still exist. Circumstances shouldn't dictate your kindness, gentleness, goodness, self-control or love. The benefits of this are numerous. First, it is easy when in a struggle to feel as though you don't matter-- nothing makes you see your value more than helping another person. Second, those people are getting the love they need in their situation. Third, you strengthen these traits when you practice them while it's hard to.
I'm going to continue to work on empathy in my own life in both giving and receiving. I hope someday we will be able to teach it to a kid or two, too. Because I believe empathy is one of the best ways to build strong relationships. Coming along someone in their time of need is difficult but rewarding for everyone involved.
Saturday, October 17, 2015
The Stockpile
When Jim and I started the adoption process, we did the best we could to return to what I like to call the "college budget". When we were first married and Jim was a full time student, I worked two part time jobs, sometimes three. I wasn't making a lot, so we lived with very little income. We stuck to a strict budget. We lived mostly off of ramen noodles, mac and cheese and boxed meals, but we lived comfortably in our tiny apartment and didn't complain that we couldn't afford to eat out.
The budget got a little squishier when Jim graduated and we started living on a regular income. Of course, expenses also increased. A mortgage that didn't include utilities like our rent payment made living a little more expensive, as did my interest in health and our acquiring three dogs.
However, we have done a lot of cutting since we saw the price tag on adoption. From renegotiating my cell phone bill, going to a new internet provider, to returning to a more strict grocery and date night budget (though I admit, they are both higher than they used to be! Especially groceries... mac and cheese and ramen noodles are really cheap but not exactly the healthiest option).
One thing that was added to the budget, though, was the stockpile item.
Every month, we buy a baby item.
After scouring the internet and reading plenty of "what you need for baby" lists, I made a list of my own. I know that once there are children in our home I will realize my list was off in one way or another, but I think I have the basics covered.
I walk through the clearance aisle of Wal*Mart if I'm there, or use a coupon at the local drug store, or buy things when they are on sale, but every month I check something off of the baby stuff list. Small, essential items like bottles, swaddling blankets, onesies, towels. Just one or two a month to add to the pile so when we get "the call", we won't have to spend the first 24 hours of having a baby in the baby aisle trying to buy all the stuff we need.
Some sweet people in my life have added some things to our little stockpile. My best friend sent us gender neutral onesies early on in the process. My mom bought cloth diapers when she saw some on sale. My sister-in-law dropped off a few items her son is no longer using.
Admittedly, I didn't think we would have the time to collect so many items. Maybe it's just me, but as a potential adoptive parent couple, I thought Jim and I were going to be picked "quickly". I mean, our profile represents the best of us-- we are a kind of cute, athletic, musical, smart (well, Jim is smart), animal loving couple in a small, supportive community. I thought certainly someone would snatch us right up.
Obviously, the woman who is meant to find us completely adorable hasn't seen our profile yet. We know that it's all in God's timing so we try to keep looking forward. I look at this pile with a mix of impatience, hope for the future, sadness for the current circumstances... and a bit of satisfaction in being somewhat prepared (I am a planner, and knowing that I have everything my baby will need the first couple weeks except formula and a car seat has me feeling a little more at ease. Because, you know, having burp clothes means I will totally know what to do with a newborn, right?).
In any case, our guest bedroom currently looks like that of expectant parents. A lot of cute little pastel colored things I hope to get to use one day. A lot of hope.
The budget got a little squishier when Jim graduated and we started living on a regular income. Of course, expenses also increased. A mortgage that didn't include utilities like our rent payment made living a little more expensive, as did my interest in health and our acquiring three dogs.
However, we have done a lot of cutting since we saw the price tag on adoption. From renegotiating my cell phone bill, going to a new internet provider, to returning to a more strict grocery and date night budget (though I admit, they are both higher than they used to be! Especially groceries... mac and cheese and ramen noodles are really cheap but not exactly the healthiest option).
One thing that was added to the budget, though, was the stockpile item.
Every month, we buy a baby item.
After scouring the internet and reading plenty of "what you need for baby" lists, I made a list of my own. I know that once there are children in our home I will realize my list was off in one way or another, but I think I have the basics covered.
I walk through the clearance aisle of Wal*Mart if I'm there, or use a coupon at the local drug store, or buy things when they are on sale, but every month I check something off of the baby stuff list. Small, essential items like bottles, swaddling blankets, onesies, towels. Just one or two a month to add to the pile so when we get "the call", we won't have to spend the first 24 hours of having a baby in the baby aisle trying to buy all the stuff we need.
Some sweet people in my life have added some things to our little stockpile. My best friend sent us gender neutral onesies early on in the process. My mom bought cloth diapers when she saw some on sale. My sister-in-law dropped off a few items her son is no longer using.
Obviously, the woman who is meant to find us completely adorable hasn't seen our profile yet. We know that it's all in God's timing so we try to keep looking forward. I look at this pile with a mix of impatience, hope for the future, sadness for the current circumstances... and a bit of satisfaction in being somewhat prepared (I am a planner, and knowing that I have everything my baby will need the first couple weeks except formula and a car seat has me feeling a little more at ease. Because, you know, having burp clothes means I will totally know what to do with a newborn, right?).
In any case, our guest bedroom currently looks like that of expectant parents. A lot of cute little pastel colored things I hope to get to use one day. A lot of hope.
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
Give Me A Break, Give Me A Break...
... break me off a piece of that Kit Kat Bar!
Actually, don't. I don't eat kit kat bars anymore, though they were a favorite of mine growing up.
That, my friends, is what you'd call a random introduction.
I say my friends because I'm sharing this on my Facebook page, a page designed for friends specifically. And as awkward as it feels to do this, I'm posting this on my Facebook page to let you know that I won't be visiting my Facebook page as often for a while.
On Sunday night, I deleted Facebook from my phone. The account is still here, I plan on checking it every now and again, because I'm in charge of a couple of other pages and want to make sure I keep up with those.
Normally a Facebook or social media hiatus doesn't need to be announced, I've been on many since joining bebo years ago (I think that was the name... it was the not-so-cool myspace that no one knew about but me and a few church ladies). However, I figured people might wonder why I'm not around "liking" things anymore and didn't want them to take offense.
I am taking a break for a few reasons. First, it was becoming somewhat of an addiction in my life. I could get to the app on my phone with eyes closed and I would check it multiple times a day-- sometimes out of curiosity but sometimes out of habit. I don't like having something become second nature without taking some time to decide if it's really worth it in my daily routine. I want to make sure it doesn't become something I just "need".
Second, I am being a terrible Facebook page manager for our church and the arts council and if I don't just go on Facebook every day it will be more intentional, which I'm hoping will spur me on to being a better steward of the pages that have been assigned to me.
Third, and this one is tricky to talk about and a little touchy feely, is sometimes there is too much happy on Facebook for me to handle.
See, I have a finely tuned news feed. I have an exceptional group of people in my friends list and I have done some tweaking so that memes are at a minimum and my feed is simply a pleasant online experience. My friends are witty, intelligent, positive, kind. I like "surrounding" myself with them while online. You all are like a warm blanket.
I love my friends. I love their kids. I love reading pregnancy announcements, birth announcements, good news, cute quotes from kids and anything that moves peoples lives forward. I am filled with joy for the good stories I get to see in lives I wouldn't normally get a chance to be a part of (take my cousin in Australia, for example. I can't exactly just walk down the street and say hi, but I can congratulate her on her recent victories as a body builder).
But these sweet things that are shared can, by no fault of my friends, feel like sugar coated daggers.
I will never get to share a pregnancy announcement on Facebook. How stupid that after accepting that I will never experience a pregnancy, the fact that I don't get to hold a beach ball to my tummy or hold up a preggo can or write a question mark on my belly is what makes me sad.
And while I watch the tummies of my pregnant friends grow on their timelines, I am reminded that my son or daughter and I will never experience that extra nine months of bonding time together. What this means for my baby and for the woman that gets to do that bonding breaks my heart.
I see peoples lives moving forward as they should-- sharing vacation photos, celebrating birthdays, moving up in their careers. For the past 10 months my answer to "what's new?" has been "still just waiting".
Listen. I am doing my best not to complain. It sucks to wait. I was raised as basically an only child and a spoiled one at that. I'm used to getting my way in a decent time frame. I get that this process takes time... sometimes a lot of time. I get that there will be slip ups and decisions made out of my control that will make it seem even longer. I'm trying to see this as a temporary thing that will eventually lead to the right circumstances for our children. I can usually conquer this impatience and jealousy for the sake of loving my friends and celebrating in their lives.
But sometimes 3 pregnancy announcements, a birth and pictures of kids are all I see on my news feed. And sometimes, it's not a pleasant place for me to be anymore.
So I'm taking a break. Keep sharing all of your awesome life stuffs, because I totally expect some likes and what not when I post stuff of my kids (I may be the kind of mom who posts finger painting art on her wall, so you may have to stretch the truth a bit).
For now, know that if I haven't liked something in a while it isn't because I don't like it in real life. I still think you are awesome. I'm just working on me being better at handling your awesomeness :).
Actually, don't. I don't eat kit kat bars anymore, though they were a favorite of mine growing up.
That, my friends, is what you'd call a random introduction.
I say my friends because I'm sharing this on my Facebook page, a page designed for friends specifically. And as awkward as it feels to do this, I'm posting this on my Facebook page to let you know that I won't be visiting my Facebook page as often for a while.
On Sunday night, I deleted Facebook from my phone. The account is still here, I plan on checking it every now and again, because I'm in charge of a couple of other pages and want to make sure I keep up with those.
Normally a Facebook or social media hiatus doesn't need to be announced, I've been on many since joining bebo years ago (I think that was the name... it was the not-so-cool myspace that no one knew about but me and a few church ladies). However, I figured people might wonder why I'm not around "liking" things anymore and didn't want them to take offense.
I am taking a break for a few reasons. First, it was becoming somewhat of an addiction in my life. I could get to the app on my phone with eyes closed and I would check it multiple times a day-- sometimes out of curiosity but sometimes out of habit. I don't like having something become second nature without taking some time to decide if it's really worth it in my daily routine. I want to make sure it doesn't become something I just "need".
Second, I am being a terrible Facebook page manager for our church and the arts council and if I don't just go on Facebook every day it will be more intentional, which I'm hoping will spur me on to being a better steward of the pages that have been assigned to me.
Third, and this one is tricky to talk about and a little touchy feely, is sometimes there is too much happy on Facebook for me to handle.
See, I have a finely tuned news feed. I have an exceptional group of people in my friends list and I have done some tweaking so that memes are at a minimum and my feed is simply a pleasant online experience. My friends are witty, intelligent, positive, kind. I like "surrounding" myself with them while online. You all are like a warm blanket.
I love my friends. I love their kids. I love reading pregnancy announcements, birth announcements, good news, cute quotes from kids and anything that moves peoples lives forward. I am filled with joy for the good stories I get to see in lives I wouldn't normally get a chance to be a part of (take my cousin in Australia, for example. I can't exactly just walk down the street and say hi, but I can congratulate her on her recent victories as a body builder).
But these sweet things that are shared can, by no fault of my friends, feel like sugar coated daggers.
I will never get to share a pregnancy announcement on Facebook. How stupid that after accepting that I will never experience a pregnancy, the fact that I don't get to hold a beach ball to my tummy or hold up a preggo can or write a question mark on my belly is what makes me sad.
And while I watch the tummies of my pregnant friends grow on their timelines, I am reminded that my son or daughter and I will never experience that extra nine months of bonding time together. What this means for my baby and for the woman that gets to do that bonding breaks my heart.
I see peoples lives moving forward as they should-- sharing vacation photos, celebrating birthdays, moving up in their careers. For the past 10 months my answer to "what's new?" has been "still just waiting".
Listen. I am doing my best not to complain. It sucks to wait. I was raised as basically an only child and a spoiled one at that. I'm used to getting my way in a decent time frame. I get that this process takes time... sometimes a lot of time. I get that there will be slip ups and decisions made out of my control that will make it seem even longer. I'm trying to see this as a temporary thing that will eventually lead to the right circumstances for our children. I can usually conquer this impatience and jealousy for the sake of loving my friends and celebrating in their lives.
But sometimes 3 pregnancy announcements, a birth and pictures of kids are all I see on my news feed. And sometimes, it's not a pleasant place for me to be anymore.
So I'm taking a break. Keep sharing all of your awesome life stuffs, because I totally expect some likes and what not when I post stuff of my kids (I may be the kind of mom who posts finger painting art on her wall, so you may have to stretch the truth a bit).
For now, know that if I haven't liked something in a while it isn't because I don't like it in real life. I still think you are awesome. I'm just working on me being better at handling your awesomeness :).
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