On The Receiving End

I have tried to write this post about 100 times.  I either get long winded or it doesn't seem genuine enough.

I have some of the highest quality people in my life.

And words can't express my gratitude to them and to God for the place they have allowed us to be in.

Because of the generosity of others, I get to be a mother. And not just in the most selfless move a woman can make in deciding her child can be raised by Jim and I.

I've never been in a position where I was the one needing generosity-- I have always tried to place myself in the "giving" category.  So, when we knew we were going to need help for this, I almost backed out.  Debt is bondage and I didn't want to be burden on anyone else by asking for help.  But we decided to try-- because this was too important not too.

Every instance of kindness we have received regarding our adoption experience is placed deeply in my heart, documented in my journal, and those good people are all placed on my "Getting A Christmas Letter Forever List".

The neighbor from my childhood.  The friend I knew from one semester at college.  The wife of a guy Jim kind of spent time with in college.  The lady without a lot of extra income who slipped me a twenty at church.  The woman I'd never met who pulled me out of line at the post office to cut me a check.  Jim's friend who casually asked him to check his paypal account so we would find the much larger balance than we anticipated.  Grandma Hillis, who may not know that she is our major donor at the moment.
These people all now hold such a dear place it almost hurts to think of them all at once.

But financial generosity isn't all we have received.  The adults who were adopted as infants who have encouraged me and put my fears at ease by being so open with their life stories.  The adoptive mothers and the birthmother who have been candid about their experiences.

The encouraging notes and goodwishes from so many, people keeping track of our progress with anticipation.

My best friend who filled out paperwork for us and sent me a package of gender-neutral onesies after our home study was complete.  My bosses, who did their share of paperwork for us, filmed themselves for our video profile and have been some of our biggest cheerleaders even though it means losing a somewhat-decent bookkeeper for a while when the little one arrives.  Jim's sister, who even though she questioned our decision a bit, let us film her son, interviewed for us and filled out paperwork for us.

Our pastor and his family who have jumped at every opportunity to help.

Thrivent financial and Road ID who are sponsoring our upcoming race.  Because of them, every cent received goes directly to the adoption fund.  If we get more than three people signed up, I can't wait to give a little of the kindness back by giving a fun race.

I can't put into words what this has done.  I have hope because of you.  We have a future because of you.  I want to be more generous than ever before because of you.

Thank you.

Why It's All Gonna Be Okay.

Things have been frustrating for a lot of people lately.  It seems our prayer list continues to grow.  I am noticing less time to actually eat when we pray before lunch.  With my dad's cancer, friends going through rough times, waiting on our adoption call, and an IT band flare up putting a wrench in possible marathon plans. 
My problems may be small, but they weigh heavily on my mind.  While some other people may not understand the emotional roller coaster that is having a running injury when you have a race you are excited about.  Most of the time I am at peace with the idea that I may not run this marathon because I don't want to cause a permanent injury.  I usually talk myself out of feeling like a total loser for possibly backing out of a race for the first time.  But then, there is a bit of pride that has me not sending that email, has me feeling like less of an athlete because I can't cut it in training. 
But, in the long run, I have had IT band issues before and new shoes, more foam rolling and time usually heals  it. 
And we have been on the waiting list a whole month and a half for our adoption agency, so it's not like we have been waiting forever.  But there are moments, just quick little ones, when my impatience rears its ugly head. 
I am reminded, though, that my inconveniences are much less difficult than those around me.  A few friends of mine are going through things I couldn't imagine or don't understand. 

So in a small way, I feel like the person visiting a hospital patient, complaining about a hang nail and then telling the person in the bed that "everything will be okay".

But that is exactly what I'm going to do.

Because everything is going to be okay.

Why?

Because the events of this weekend, many years ago. 

Because an innocent man who lived a perfect life died in one of the most gruesome ways.  To fulfill prophesy.  To pay for the sins of many. 
And then, after three days, that guy came back to life.  And by coming back to life, visiting many and ascending into Heaven He finished the sacrifice that gave us entry into a much better eternity than where we were headed.

So let me say it again-- everything is going to be okay.

I know that when things are awful, when things look like they will never end, it's easy to forget that this life and everything in it is temporary.  It doesn't mean we don't try hard, that we don't cry when things are hard or experience pain or try to fix things.  It means that at the end of this life, there is relief.  That because of what He did, if you've claimed Him as your savior, you get to be in heaven forever.

And on a more temporary level, knowing that He did that for us, wouldn't it also stand to reason that He cares about what happens to us here, too?  Which means that what we're going through, no matter how long it's going to last for us, He knows and He's doing something with it.  Just like my IT Band stuff, given time (and who knows, maybe new shoes),  a lot of things heal. 

Everything is going to be okay.

Happy Easter!