Until someone is directly involved, there is a lot of adoption information that just isn't public knowledge. Combine that with the fact that every adoption is as unique as the people involved and we have a lot of misinformation, questions and concerns.
As it has been almost a year since we announced to friends and family that we were pursuing an adoption, the initial excitement has worn off and we are currently experiencing a second wind in questioning after a few months of silence. I just wanted to take this opportunity to answer a few of the "frequently asked questions" regarding our specific situation.
1. Where are you in the process/ any news/ why don't you have a baby yet?
We are waiting for a birth mother or birth family to choose our profile as the best match to raise the child they bring into the world. It's all up to the birth mother at this point until her parental rights are signed over. So, our only news is our home study will need to be renewed in a couple of months and we are being shown to an "adequate" number of birth mothers. We don't have a baby yet because no one has chosen us yet.
2. Why aren't you traveling or visiting family?
Surprisingly, we get comments or questions regarding our travel a lot.
I have two answers.
First, travel is expensive. We have had some people sacrifice for us for our adoption fund. To respect their donations and to exercise responsibility, we have cut out frivolous spending and stick to a strict budget. To add to this point, we are also still below where we need to be to pay for everything adoption related by a few thousand dollars, so we are still in save mode.
Second, we are with a national agency, which means if we are called out of state (most likely) to pick up our baby, we have to wait for the paperwork and red tape to clear before we can go home, which is two weeks or longer. While I would be on maternity leave, Jim would have to return to work. He does not want to leave his wife and newborn baby in a hotel room in an unknown town because he doesn't have enough vacation time.
3. Don't you want to try longer for biological children / did you jump in to adoption too quickly?
No. Maybe it doesn't seem like this, but we are the kind of people who consider all of our options before making a decision, put a lot of thought and prayer into it and when it is made it is final. If we are ever blessed with more children biologically, we would gladly accept them (yes, even if I get pregnant when we become parents through adoption), because I would rather have multiple kids of a close age than none at all.
4. Isn't it awful that you have to jump through hoops to become an adoptive parent?
No. It wasn't that bad. It's a lot to get done and other people can just get pregnant without anyone judging their parenting abilities but another family is about to entrust us with a precious human life. I would want to make sure I was a good person to do that to, too. The "system" has it's flaws, but adoption isn't an easy thing for anyone involved and I don't mind hoop jumping. To me, it's like diaper changing and bottle warming-- things I have to do for my baby that might not be "fun", but essential.
5. Have you looked at international adoption / foster adoption / this other agency?
Yes. See the answer to number 3. A lot of thought went into which type of adoption path we were going to go down. While an agency assisted infant adoption is one of the more expensive options, it was one we felt comfortable pursuing. Every path to and through adoption is different and this is the one we are on and we are united in our decision.
6. What people haven't asked.
If you have questions-- please ask. It shows that you care, which is always important to anyone going through something different or difficult. So please ask questions, we will always say so if it is too personal.
It's rare that people ask how we are feeling in the adoption process. Maybe I over share so no one needs to ask, but here is the answer, in case anyone was wondering. We're mostly okay. We have hard days. I wish I could say that I always have a peace beyond understanding but I don't. I have days that it hurts or something happens that makes me sad.
Yes, when baby comes home, I plan on having a "meet and eat", so you will get to meet our precious little one when the time comes.
Yes, I have a dog and house sitter for when we get "the call".
If you have any more questions, don't hesitate to ask!
