Where I'm At

It's time to update on our big announcement made in late November or early December. 

I debated doing this, as those in my everyday circle have heard enough about adoption in the past month that I'm sure they are tired of me talking about it.  I debated it because once it's all done and official, the story is no longer mine to tell.  However, I know myself, and once a child does enter this home they are definitely going to be a topic on the blog.  So, I decided to just be me and annoy you all just a little longer and update those who aren't being updated as frequently.

We are finished with our home study and it is currently being reviewed at our adoption agency.  We have completed our "APQ" or Adoption Profile Questionnaire that tells the agency what amount of openness, substance abuse and races we are open to.  We have completed our portion of our profile, by filling our pages of personal questions, sending in 150 pictures of us (side note; do you know anyone who has 150 pictures of themselves in the past 3 years?  As a couple?  That aren't just all selfies?), and our video profile.  We are within days of becoming active at our agency, which means we will be eligible to be viewed by birth parents considering an adoption plan. 

So, on the technical end of things, we are set and could (though highly, highly unlikely) be parents in February.  The wait time our agency says is probably is between 3-12 months.  The amount of flexibility we had in our profile suggested a shorter wait time, but as any other money making business, they claimed our lower budget suggested a long wait time.  At this point, however, it's really just being shown to the "right" birth family.  It takes just one to chose us, and that could be at any time.

Emotionally, I'm in a very peaceful place.  The moment we made the decision we felt a weight lifted off of our shoulders and it was if the perceived silence from God was broken by Him exclaiming "FINALLY! THIS is what I planned for you!".  We were very excited and felt confirmed in our decision and confident with every step in that direction so far. 
There was a dark couple of weeks in the midst of our education hours as we read through books about adoption.  Anyone who has adopted knows that these books are designed to point out the things that could go wrong.  It's the job of these books to take the people who just "want a baby" and make them realize that adoption is at it's start a tragedy and you may experience things because of that.  Reading all of this negative, combined with my stupid decision to get online, made me feel like a terrible person for wanting to adopt a child.  I know to some out there that might sound backwards.  I have a lot of thoughts on this but I will save them for another time.
We have come full circle, however, and have realized that while some of those things in the scary books might happen, we still have the opportunity to raise a child, and even though his or her life may start in a terrible way, we want so much to provide the best childhood possible for our son or daughter.  So we are back to being excited, with an underlying sadness for the situation that will lead us to so much joy.

Financially, we are getting there, but still a long way off.  It seems we find more little expenses as we go along.  But, we are working hard and budgeting carefully.  I opened my studio for more students and have applied at the movie theater to work weekends.  I have found a grant we are eligible for that I will be applying for.  And we have received some generous donations from some of the most amazing people.  We are still planning on hosting a fundraising race and trying to raise money through my first marathon and Jim's BRAN experience, as well as selling some things we can do without.

News travels fast in a small town, so I find myself talking about adoption to a lot of people I never would have thought would be interested.  It seems no matter where I go, there is someone who wants to ask questions, and even though I'm not a fountain of knowledge on the subject, I've learned (through personal experience and through sharing with others) that there are a lot of misconceptions about adoption and a lot of mystery.  I feel a great responsibility in sharing and educating when people are interested.  Everyone I speak with seems at least a little interested.

The most amazing part, the most humbling part, is the amount of encouragement and support we've received.  We've had people bend over backwards to help us-- from writing references to doing video interviews.  I've had brave people share their personal adoption stories with me in great detail to put into perspective what I might expect.  We've had some of the most beautiful notes written to us and donations to our adoption fund that we didn't expect.  It's been humbling and overwhelming the amount of love we have received.  I can't even talk about it without my heart swelling.  I can't say thank you in enough ways to these people to express how grateful we are.  I have some truly incredible people in my life. 

So we are in a good, peaceful place.  A time of waiting.  A time of hope.