Back At It

After what is potentially the longest maternity leave given to a mother who didn't give birth, I rejoined the workforce at almost my normal schedule Wednesday.  It was a slower day at the shop and being the impatient child that I am, I almost ran home when I left an hour early so I could hug my baby.  Being the baby that he is, however, he was dead asleep on grandma when I walked in the door and I had a moment of selflessness and decided not to wake him up to clobber him with pent up mommy love.  Once he was awake, however, he was basically an extension of my left arm.  Turns out I am going to miss this little guy a lot when I'm not staring at his face all day.

My parents have been living with us for a week now, as they wait for their home to be completed.  It has been nice to have some extra hands to hold the little guy when I need to make dinner and it requires both hands.  It has also been nice to sleep in and know that my mom will be willing to help if I don't get everything done in time (a few times I walk in the door after a run just as his feeding is starting).  But, I sometimes just need to take my boy and hide in a room for a while to reconnect without others involvement.

It's an interesting season in life.  I'm much busier than I prefer to be, especially when I have waited so long to be busy with a baby and have so many things pulling me.  Jim seems busier than ever and our schedules never seem to coincide.  Josiah is growing every day-- seems like he grows twice a day these days.  I'm torn with every decision I make.  I want to be an active member of our community, I want to be a good employee who completes her full schedule every week, I want to be committed to the things I've agreed to do, but then I also really just want to spend my time with my son.  I know this is not a new musing, as most women have to make these decisions, but it's weighing on my heart a bit.  I don't know what to give up, but something is going to have to give... we waited quite a while for this and I want to do it right. 

Hope everyone is enjoying their summer thus far and I hope you aren't as confused as I am about what you want in your life right now.