I have never found something so consuming, frustrating and tactless as the comments section. It is my estimation that I spend approximately an hour a week reading the comments section on various things-- from youtube videos to blog posts to Facebook debate pages. As someone who is resolutely against participating in most forms of debate, I am often surprised by me interest in what others have to say on any given topic. Yet there I sit, reading, often times getting upset, almost always leaving in a worse mood than I started with. And today, I got so angry I contributed to the madness in one comment.
The comments section is where grammar, kindness and thought out responses go to die.
It's truly unfortunate that people allow the anonymity of a computer screen bolster their courage to say whatever is on their mind, whether it is worthy of the time it takes to type it or not. Opinion, it seems, is far more important than knowledge in internet-land. With the access to millions of opinions, some sounding quite legitimate, it is easy to find someone who agrees with any given idea, fueling this audacity of online commenting
When I discovered the world of online forums, I was excited. As someone naturally shy and constantly thinking about how my words might come across, I looked forward to a place where I didn't have to respond in the moment. Where I could carefully formulate my opinion, word it carefully, and post it when I was prepared to share it. It wasn't long until I left the two forums I had joined because I learned that for some reason, this wasn't a common thought about online conversation.
Most often, it's swiped, incorrect words replacing important ones so what may have been a convincing statement comes across as jibberish (I'm guilty of the swipe faux pas, but I do my best to keep those between my husband and I, so when I accidentally say "ovaries" instead of "oboe reeds", it's something we can giggle about later). The angrier someone becomes, I have found, the less likely they are to use the word they want, spell things correctly, or avoid unnecessary curse words. Some responses, to even the most mundane of videos or articles, are illegible by the time they are posted.
When the responses are a bit more thought out and therefore understandable, they are sometimes so filled with hate that they are hard to read. Without the filter of everyday, face to face conversation, people tend to say things that can be really hurtful, whether they are directed at a particular person or not.
The comments section has done a good job of telling me that everything I am is something someone else is adamantly against and they are more than willing to share their disdain online. Everything from my faith, my pets, my hobbies, my diet, and even our decision to adopt an infant have been topics attacked. It may not be directed at me personally, but some of these cruel comments hit on something very personal for me or someone close to me.
Today, I responded to a comment on a debate page. A woman believed that those adopting an infant "suck" because they are just "waiting around for the perfect baby" instead of adopting from foster care. It was such an ignorant comment, to assume that anyone who desires a child should just hope right into foster parenting, as if it's the easiest thing in the world. All of us in the adoption world have very specific reasons for going the route we do, and we have very important reasons for ours, none of which are the "perfect baby", or "one that looks like we do" (another assumption of the poster in question). She said some hurtful things about adoptive parents of infants and it got under my skin too quickly and too deeply. I won't give it any more attention here, because her thoughts were lacking in information and I think she may have meant well in the end. But she attacked not only something important to me, but she also attacked some of the best people in my life with her comments and I couldn't stand it. I broke a Kristin's Cardinal Rule and replied in the heat of the moment-- luckily, I did a few rephrases before posting and I feel I came across clearly and without sounding like a nut case.
You see, as much as I hate generalizations and as much as I want to believe this isn't true, we live in a world where face to face contact is less and less important and freedom of speech now means you are encouraged to be painfully opinionated without any reasoning behind those opinions. We live in a world where "u r such an iafiot, i can sharz my opinion on dis" is an acceptable rebuttal (actual quote, mind you). We live in a world where we are supposedly accepting of so many things now but can't hold our tongues on any given topic.
I suppose it's always been this way, people destroying other people with their words. It was a problem even in Biblical times, though sometimes I feel like verses were written exactly for online conversation.
Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. Proverbs 17:28
A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back. Proverbs 29:11
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; James 1:19
The wise of heart will receive commandments, but a babbling fool will come to ruin. Proverbs 10:8
Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin. Proverbs 13:3
Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.
Colossians 4:5-6
and last one of the day
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29
People can be cruel. It doesn't mean we have to be, too. Like the old song goes "Oh, be careful little mouth, what you say".
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