Why I Want To Be A Mom

It comes as no surprise to those who know me personally that I would like to be a mom someday and that, thus far, I have not had that particular prayer answered.  For many years, I was given a peace about it.  I often focused my prayers on other friends who wanted children because, to me, it was so much more important that they got to be parents than me.  I've never felt very qualified for the position of "mom", to be honest, and I knew people who were, perhaps, better suited to the task.  I also always wanted to celebrate with them more than I wanted to celebrate for me.
I have a lot of knowledge that keeps me from feeling jealous or upset for too long, though I'm human and I'm not always totally peaceful about anything.
I know God has perfect timing.  I've seen it in my own life often enough to know that sometimes it doesn't seem perfect until I can look back on it.
I know God has His reasons and I may never know what they are.
I know God works in every life differently, and I can't compare my life to anyone else's.  It's hard.  I'm not proud when I feel jealous towards a pregnant high school girl.
I know that I'll be okay, even without kids.  In the long run, if I die having never been a mother, while mother's would probably fight me on this, I will have still lived a full life if I live it for Him.

None of this changes the fact that I do want to be the mother of my husband's child.

While I have a deep desire to be a mom myself, there are more important reasons for me to pray that I will one day be a mother. My longing is important, and I recognize that, but it's not all about me and what I want.

First and foremost, my husband deserves a chance at being a father.  He wants to experience being the husband of a pregnant wife (because he is crazy, apparently).  He wants to experience the midnight feedings and diaper changes.  He wants to have a little carrier for his bike for a toddler to ride along.  He wants to teach them how to be kind to others and to love God.  He wants to experience every aspect of fathering.  And he'd be so good at it.  He is an amazing man.  I've been told we are a good couple a few times in the past, and while I beam with pride about it I know it isn't me-- it's mostly him.  If I could give Jim one thing in this world it would be to give him a baby with his blue eyes and black hair.

Second, my father.  My mom has been a grandmother a few times over, and my dad has become a grandfather by extension.  My child would be his first biological grandchild.  My dad was quiet as I grew up but I know he would be a spoiling grandparent.  As he struggles with bladder cancer and disliking his job, I see the fun-loving man that I know becoming sadder by the day.  Oh, the thought of being able to call him and tell him he's going to be a grandpa and picturing his smile, even though his response will most likely be a calm "well, that's nice".

My mom.  who has literally raised children her entire life, having me twenty years after her firstborn and then becoming full time babysitter for my niece soon after I got married.  I want to give her a grandchild that she can enjoy at short intervals, but hand back at the end of the day.  I want to be able to call my mom for advice on things I know nothing about and to let her know every day how important she is to me and to her grandchild (because I'm pretty sure I'm not going to know how to do anything without my mom's help).

There are many others who have sent prayers for us and I would love to give them a reason to put a check in the answered column of their prayer journals.  There are others who have joined the ranks of motherhood since we started praying for each other and I would love to be able to have that one more thing in common with them.

Lastly, I want to be a mom for the child I hope is coming.  Because that boy or girl will grow up in a family that knows Jesus.  He or she will have Jim for a father, my parents as grandparents.  And I will be able to surround that baby with some of the most amazing people I know.

Lucky kid.  Better hurry and get here.