I will admit right away that I am writing this with a bit of an advantage. We all have certain areas of our lives where we struggle and where we thrive. Marriage, thus far, has been a place of "thriving" for me. I am fortunate to have a husband who for some odd reason loves me more than I could possibly deserve and shares the same zeal for a God-glorifying marriage.
I won't say our marriage is perfect, because that would be a lie. I also won't give you the almost mandatory "we have had our struggles", because that isn't the point of this post. For the most part, Jim and I are happy as pie (Jim loves pie), and I would like to share some of our opinions on marriage. Because I can. 'Cause this is my blog.
My husband and I were high school sweethearts and we knew when I was 14 that we would end up married. This gave us ample time to learn everything we could about marriage. So we read. A lot. We made opinions, understanding books and scriptures and talks in one way, and then another. Then, after we were married, our understanding changed again... and again as we got older.
There were a few things that we concluded early on that have always been our opinion from 14 on and I thought I might share those.
1. Love your spouse. Jim loves me unconditionally. I need his love and acceptance more than ever when I am doing something that will need forgiveness. I also need his love when I have just come off of an incredible "wife" day with a clean house, dinner on the table, appointments set and all the good wife things accomplished.
2. Be lovable. This seems to be the one that is forgotten in today's "love" culture. I make Jim's job of loving me unconditionally easier if I am doing things that are lovely. I make mistakes and can be downright unlovable at times, no doubt. However, when these bad times are the exception and not the rule, not only is Jim a happier husband, but I am a better human being in general. Which should kind of be a goal of mine...
3. Respect your spouse. My husband needs me to respect him even when I don't agree with a decision or if he makes a poor decision (a real one, not just one I think is poor). He also needs to know I respect him when he is being Super-Husband, which is pretty much all of the time.
4. Be respectable. Same concept. It makes the respecter have a much easier time when the other person is acting in a respect worthy manner. Love and respect can be built or torn down through continuous actions. I don't know about you, but I would rather be continually building up good things.
5. Make your spouse a top priority. Not "the marriage", not "marriage traditions", not "the family". The actual living, breathing human being you made vows to.
A marriage isn't a third entity in the house that needs work like a leaking faucet.
Traditional values have their place but they aren't the end all. Jim and I have pretty traditional roles-- because it fits us pretty well. But just because I'm the one that does the cleaning and he does the heavy lifting doesn't mean that is how all couples should live.
And while we love our parents and will love our children, Jim will always be a top priority. Jim is more important than any other earthly relationship. Not only for our sake, but for the sake of those around us. Happy couples are better to be around than unhappy.
6. Be cool with change. If we're lucky, we keep growing and changing and learning our whole life. That means, lessons on Jim are never ending for me, because he's always changing. A few years ago, being a good wife to Jim didn't include meal planning during peak cycling season. But now it does. Jim is a constant learning experience!
So there you go. Just a few things that Jim and I believe and they make "us" work. Go spoil your spouse now!
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