The first two weeks of Josiah's life didn't really allow for any sense of reality. Being in a foreign area, sleeping in a different bed, eating foods we weren't used to, with everything being different and high stress, it was hard to see the future beyond the walls of the apartment we were living in. From the moment he was born we felt he was our son and we loved him as such, but there was this sense of the temporary-- partially to protect our hearts in case his birth mother changed her mind-- that made our first week back home feel like the first "real" week with our little boy.
His first two weeks were, as I've said before, the most wonderful and most difficult two weeks of my life. We did our absolute best to commit every detail of him to memory and remember all of his firsts and enjoy every moment while we also juggled the very real idea that he could be taken at any moment. I would like to say that if she had changed her mind, I would have forgiven her through my tears for the pain and wished her well, but I had an instant, fierce protectiveness over him and I'm so glad I didn't have to find out what my response would have been.
Now that we are back, like every other beginning family, we are settling into a new normal and it finally feels real and definite. We have been blessed with a wonderfully healthy child, so there haven't been any frightening surprises for me so far, Jim has surprised me more than Josiah has so far, and I surprise myself more than they have.
Our new routine is doable, though a few months ago I wouldn't have thought so. I take most of the night feedings, including the one at 4 AM. Jim gets up and takes a shower at that time and when he's done I hand over little man to finish his breakfast and I go for my run. So far, I've gotten my run, workout and a shower in every day before his 7 AM feeding. I don't hold a delusion that this will happen every day, but I'm hopeful that this is a good foundation for that. I take care of him all day and when Jim comes home I am almost not allowed to touch him again until the late night feeding because Jim is all about dad duty from the minute he walks in. He feeds his son and carries him around the rest of the evening.
I always knew Jim would be a good dad but he is fitting the role better than I could have imagined. He has yet to complain about diaper duty or any other baby task or any other thing that might need done. His only complaint is his wife, who goes to bed early because of the sleep interruptions and early runs so by the time he comes to bed she (I) am out so hard he couldn't wake me if he wanted to. Poor guy.
When I imagined myself as a mother, I pictured someone a lot different. For one, dream Kristin is pretty perfect, I think like we all hope to be when we look into our future. But I also imagined a woman who loved to stay home all the time with her baby By 9 AM on Monday, still coming down from a stress high, I couldn't just sit around the house anymore so I packed him up and went downtown for a bit. I used the excuse that I didn't want to keep getting him in and out to wait until the next day to do a couple more errands. Wednesday, I strapped him on and went to work for a couple of hours. Yesterday he had a doctors appointment and then I walked, with him strapped to me again, all the way to Safeway and back. Turns out, I am more social than I thought.
I also learned that I don't have any nursery songs committed to memory. The first line of half a dozen, maybe, but when I sing to him, it's usually hymns, pop songs from my youth or made up lyrics and melodies off the top of my head. We listen to a lot of classical music so I don't have to think of nursery rhymes.
I have been reading to him every day. Due to his lack of comprehension at this stage, I'm just reading whatever I'm reading out loud. So he has heard a few Bible passages, some online articles -- so he knows more about Gilmore Girls and vegan cheese than any other little 3 week old baby boy does -- and some Lord of the Rings, because I can.
I discovered the dangers of the suction bulb and have had to wipe baby boogers off of the wall ten feet away and had to change a shirt once when I suddenly got suspiciously warm (and wet), but otherwise we haven't had anything too particularly disgusting happen. He needs a lot more cuddling than I anticipated, so I am mastering the one handed lifestyle, though typing is still a no go one handed.
So our new normal is working out so far. I won't pretend that it can't change, or that he won't wake up with colic one day (my biggest fear at the moment, actually) or that I won't get annoyed that I have to hold this little one all the time at some point. But for now, we're all doing very well. The transition into less sleep isn't nearly as traumatic as I thought it might be and I'm still keeping a clean house and getting things done (eventually).
If you see a girl walking around holding a bundle tied against her chest, that's probably me, feel free to stop me and say "hi". Or give us a call and drop by to see the kiddo. We love the company!
No comments:
Post a Comment