To The Mother Of My Son

Mother's Day is coming up.  I will be holding Josiah, and for the first time in my life-- because of him... because of you-- all of the accolades and acknowledgements that are given to mothers on this day will be applied to me.  As I look into the eyes of my son on this very special day, I will be noticing how similar he looks to you and thinking of you and what you've done for me.

You know that by deciding we would be the parents of our son, that you gave us our deepest hearts desire.  You know that we wanted to be parents and you gave us that opportunity.  You know that we wanted to love a child with all we had and you chose us to do that for Josiah.  You gave us a beautiful son.  If that was all you gave us, it would've already been more than we deserved.  But you gave us so much more.

By choosing us you restored the part of my faith that was faltering.  For years we prayed for children and God's answer was a solid "no".  I had started wondering if there was something I was unaware of in me that would make me a bad mother.  Then, when months went by where we were shown to more and more birth mothers who chose someone else, I wondered if whatever was wrong with me was really obvious to everyone else.  Questioning Gods apparent silence, questioning myself and what was wrong with me to cause His silence and questioning our future.  This all went away when you told me to hold my son moments after his birth.

You gave us a birth story.  Many adoptive parents aren't given the opportunity to have a birth story for their children.  They have the story of when they met, which is beautiful in itself, but I don't take lightly your willingness to have us be a part of his story from the very second he came into the world.  The memories I will have, the pictures your sister provided, being able to see and speak to the doctors and nurses who helped bring him into the world.  This is a blessing you didn't have to provide but we are so grateful for.

You gave me a lifetime relationship with you.  We have a shared son, it's a unique relationship that is hard to explain to the rest of the world.  While we live very different lives and we may drift in and out of a relationship, I count it a privilege to know you and have you as a part of our family.  I am humbled by your selflessness and kindness to us and knowing that you trusted me enough to put our son into my care makes me want to work that much harder at being the best mother I can be.

I don't know how you will feel on Mother's Day.  You have been pretty guarded with your feelings thus far.  I can't imagine the emotions you might have to go through but my hope is that you will be at peace and have joy.  I hope that knowing Josiah is healthy, happy, chubby and full of smiles will bring you happiness.  Because you deserve it so much. 

Wishing you a Happy Mother's Day.

Love,
Josiah's Mommy