I am, and become increasingly more so every day, a planner and organizer. As an example, I have the meals my family will eat for the month of April already written out. I have a clothing organizer app on my phone so I don't have to think too hard about what to wear-- and I have a capsule wardrobe so I can organize it easily.
So it goes without saying that just waiting without any preparation would be against my nature. I need to prepare, even though the when, where and how fast it happens are all up in the air. And let me tell you-- all of my prep work was not in vain during our first trip.
When you get the call, it could be a few months ahead of time (so you can get to know the birth mother) or it might be when the child is already born, or the birth mother is actually in labor when you get the call. No matter when the call is made, if you adopt out of state, you will be there for at least two weeks. Since babies don't often come on due dates, you will be leaving for two weeks at the drop of a hat.
Because I now know a few people are reading this blog who are currently in some stage of the adoption wait, I thought I would share some specific things I did to prepare and my packing list for the first adoption (and what I think I'll pack the second go around).
Things I did during the adoption wait;
--Lined up a last minute house and dog sitter. As a private instructor, I had awesome students to ask for help, and one of my senior girls was more than willing to move in and love on my dogs while we were away.
--Put a few things in the pantry for the house sitter, as well as a "how to care for things" list and contact information for anyone they may need to reach. This go around, our house sitter on call has given us a couple of things she likes to eat so we are already prepared, in case she needs to move in for two weeks tomorrow.
--Make contact with your travel agent. At first, I was against using a travel agent. I was convinced I could find a better deal. And maybe I could have. But for us, when we received the call at midnight that she was in labor, spending any amount of time looking for flight deals was not on my to-do list. Fortunately, I had the cell phone number to our local travel agent. I called her, she made our flight and emailed us confirmation as we drove to the airport.
--Talk to your credit card. Because you will suddenly be in another city buying things you don't usually buy (baby items!). It would not be fun for the card to be suspended. If you learn about where you will be, call and they will notate your account.
-- Make sure you can access your accounts online, or have numbers to call so you can pay your bills while you are gone. Don't come home to no electricity or a late fee on your water bill.
-- Pack a baby bag. Or don't. It depends on what you want to do. I didn't want to spend our first day out of the hospital in a Target, so I brought a few essentials from home.
-- Set up a nursery, if you feel up to it. Don't do this if seeing baby items reminds you that you are waiting and hurts your heart. We didn't set up our nursery until we were chosen, and then it was only because Si's birth mom was excited to see what it would look like.
On to what to pack;
+The Baby Bag
Fortunately, we knew ahead of time that we were staying at a residential address and our hostess was super, super sweet. We sent ahead a box of baby items so we didn't have to worry about it when we went to the airport. We included;
-burp clothes (I recommend bringing a lot...they eat a lot and can be messy, those little ones!)
-a few cute, gender neutral onesies (even if you are told you will have one or the other, gender neutral is just the safest option... and your 3 day old doesn't need to be in pink. White onesies for the first few days are great, then you can sneak out and buy that little blue truck shirt if you'd like).
-little bottles. Be prepared to buy other ones if they don't like the nipple. We were fortunate that Josiah didn't seem to care where the food came from as long as it was there.
-Swaddle blankets. We didn't bring enough and had to buy more. Half a dozen is probably enough if you have access to laundry.
-A carrier. After all the scary "your baby won't bond to you" type reading we had to do, I decided carrying was the way to go. You can navigate the world a lot easier with a baby strapped to you than carrying around the car seat (and if you are in a fun new town and want to explore with baby, strap him or her on and go to town!).
+The Parent Bag
**We are kind of minimalists, especially while traveling. For Josiah's birth, we both had a backpack and then shared a carry on for clothes. We did this for a very specific reason; to get to the hospital as fast as humanly possible. We didn't want to wait at baggage claim when that could mean missing the birth of our son.
-a few comfortable outfits. You are a new parent now. Sweatpants are okay. I'd suggest bringing one nice casual outfit for those days you have to go to the lawyer, visit with birth family, or you know, be in public. Otherwise, comfy is king.
-toiletries. Shampoo, conditioner, just like vacation.
-cell and charger. If your friends and family are anything like ours, you will be getting a lot of calls and texts in the first few days.
-a good camera. Most lists for adoption packing will recommend just bringing your phone because they have good pictures, but if you really like good quality photos, a good camera is great. It is also a lot easier to to ask someone to take a picture of you with the birth family if you have a camera ready.
-laptop/notebook. Write everything down. Write the color of the walls, the way the nurses held your new little one, the way his birth mother holds a cup. Any details that your child might want later, or details you might want to remember later. I had a notebook but ended up on my husbands laptop after my hand started cramping up.
-thank you cards and gifts. We had a packet of 20 and used all 20 thank you cards by the end of trip. We wrote thank you's to the nurses who treated us well, to anyone who seemed to go above and beyond for us. It goes along way, and I know that some of those nurses aren't used to receiving thank you cards. We also got a gift for our hostess, our lawyer, and of course, our son's birth mother.
-A grocery and item list of "to buys". Let's face it, babies need lots of stuff. But having a little list started will help when one of you has to leave the hospital to get these items. These items include; a car seat (car seats cost about the same everywhere, so unless you have a specific one you want, waiting until you are there means one less thing to pack), formula (wait to buy big amounts until you know what your new little tummy can tolerate), dish soap (for washing and rewashing bottles), laundry detergent (there will be a lot of laundry), more burp clothes (you may never have enough), diapers, and some comforting groceries. If you are staying at a hotel, consider doing some research on cold meals or ways you can cook in a hotel room so you don't spend all of your money eating out.
Things we will pack this time, because Mr. Si will be joining us
-another person! I have a friend who has agreed to drop everything and come along with us for a couple of days so we can be in the hospital as our new little one is born without having to have one of us in the waiting room with Si.
-A car seat and a travel cover for it so it doesn't get dirty.
-A few outfits, books, toys and comfort foods for him.
And we will add to our little grocery list some formula and food for his age group, diapers for his size and a special toy for him so he knows he's still our little buddy :).
So there are my OCD recommendations for traveling for a domestic infant adoption. I hope it's been helpful to those who need it and interesting to those who don't.
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