From this point on, every adoption situation is unique. In our experience, we were called a few months prior to the birth of our son. We got to know his birth mother. We made arrangements to meet her before the birth (I highly recommend this, because it makes dropping in on delivery day a lot less awkward when it isn't the first time meeting her). Our agency called at midnight, she called 5 minutes later, we rushed to the hospital and watched our son be born.
This isn't always the case, of course. A couple might receive a call that a baby is born and waiting, or that a woman is sitting in the parking lot of the hospital and has chosen them before she walks in to deliver. There are various levels of getting to know each other, etc.
At the hospital is different for everyone, too. Some women are open to having both adoptive parents in the room during birth. Others want only adoptive mom, while still others would rather an adoptive family not be involved until everyone is cleaned up a bit.
Some doctors and nurses will be understanding an encouraging during the process while others will be draining. Some will help a couple get a room with their child and make sure nurses are checking. Others will whisper in the birth mothers ear that she doesn't have to do this. Some will lavish you with gifts for your little one in free samples, while others will make you leave the hospital with nothing, not even an extra diaper (hello, our discharge nurse!).
A few things remain the same, and unfortunately that's all the work involved. An adoptive couple needs to obtain some medical information for the lawyer-- basically a sheet with the APGAR score of the child, date and time of birth, etc. A lawyer or assistant will arrive at the hospital for some signatures, which is essential because you can't leave the hospital without having a legal binding to the baby (that's called kidnapping, folks).
After the baby is released from the hospital, a family needs to go to the lawyers office to sign a bunch of paperwork. Think a mortgage but triple it... all the while holding a three day old. This time, I plan on bringing our lawyer their favorite coffee drink and bringing some for us, too. It's a long appointment. Maybe donuts, too.
For two weeks (typically 10-14 business days) an adoptive family has to stay in the birth state so that paperwork can be sent from one ICPC office to another, confirming that all of the ducks for this adoption have been put in a row. The lawyer calls the family and releases them the moment they hear back. Most of that time is because documents are in the mail, which is very frustrating!
These two weeks are both heavenly and awful. Heavenly, because we were finally parents and we got to spend two uninterrupted weeks as a family with our newest member. Awful, because you don't know if it's real or not. So many things can still go wrong... depending on the state, birth mothers have a few days to weeks to decide if this is something they really want. To fall in love so hard but also remain guarded, to want to be authentically grateful but also being incredibly scared of a woman is daunting. Someone once explained it as though you are in labor for that much time. Yes, it's not physically painful, but the anticipation of not knowing, the fear of heartbreak is severe. Someone who has just given birth is usually emotional and may call at odd hours at the night, or have scary things to say every once in a while. It was really hard to remain calm when I thought our dreams were crashing. But we continued to encourage her as a person, continued to be positive towards her and prayed like crazy.
To pass the time, we sometimes left our little borrowed apartment, but mostly we just looked at our baby. We took him to grocery store, some fast food, and a few visits with birth family members. Next time I am hoping the weather will be good enough we can just get out and see the area our child is from!
When a family is released they can go home and wait for the finalization. We flew home. We kept the box from his car seat so we just stuck it back in the box and checked it. I strapped Si on, went up to the TSA agent nearest me and asked to be searched separately. We got on the plane, fed him when it took off and when it landed, and he slept the rest of the time, surrounded by gentle "oo's" and "aw's" of the other passengers.
Then you get to go home as a family!
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